Daydream accounting

by Joe Gallo
a/k/a Captain Hampockets

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Despite the fact that I know the lottery is a tax on being bad at math, I like to daydream about what I'd do if I happened to win. No, I don't really play, even when the jackpot is high. If the opportunity presents itself, I'll throw a fiver in the pot. But since the Powerball jackpot (not even sold in my state) is currently around a half-billion dollars, I thought I'd write down my spending plan for that size jackpot. It comes to about $225-million, after lump sum penalty and federal/state taxes, assuming my wife goes along.

• Houses for my family and all of our close friends and relatives, budgeted at $500,000 each — $10-million.

• College education for anyone on the same list as above who wants it — some kind of money-earning fund with a starting budget of $5-million.

• Pay off all debts of same list — wild guess, budget at $5 million to make sure there is a huge margin for error.

• Cash gift to each individual on the above list, $50,000 each; enough to have fun, not enough to kill yourself with drugs unless you straight-up OD — budget $5-million, to include future children of each member of the group, bestowed at graduation of High School or age 18, whichever comes first.

• Discretionary giftable money — $5-million each for me and my wife, to give to anyone or any cause we see fit.

• Investments — $100-million.

This comes to $135-million. We have $90-million left. My dilemma is this: I have two pet projects. Do I spend the entire enormous budget on one, or split the budget in half and execute two merely huge projects instead? Here are the options:

Survivalist compound deep in the forest: With even the smaller budget, I could build an excellent underground bunker, fully provisioned and armed, ready for the inevitable scenario out of The Day After Tomorrow. Or, if you insist, zombie apocalypse. With the larger budget, the same, just bigger, deeper, and more secure.

Cat sanctuary: Huge fenced area, like the size of a Six Flags amusement park, expressly designed and landscaped as a full-service cat sanctuary. Full veterinary services, accepts all unwanted felines. Most cats get free roam of about 75% of the land, the rest in designated areas for contagious disease carriers, medical cases, behavior issues, whatever. Fully staffed, daily full park inspections for safety (and cat/human interaction).

Actually, as I've been writing this, the correct answer has become clear. Do the most good possible now, and have fun now, don't prepare for "What if?" I'll go $5-million on the compound, $85-million on the cats.

11/28/2012   
Republished by me 10/1/2024   


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