Full Fathom Five (1952)
Streaming free at Internet Archive
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NEVERENDING
FILM FESTIVAL
#281 [archive]
APR. 24, 2024
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Rub-a-dub-dub, it's men in a tub. This is all about US military submarines, and was produced by NBC for the US Navy, as an episode of the TV war-propaganda show Victory at Sea.
I'm confused, though. The narrator says the most important target of a sub's missiles is the Japanese merchant marine, but it's 1952. America A-bombed Japan in 1945, the Japanese surrendered, the war is over, so why were American subs targeting Japanese ships seven years later?
(Ah, my confusion is because the narrator uses only present tense, even when gloating over 1,300 Japanese merchant ships sunk during WWII, and a long list of other victories at sea.)
The film is interesting, educational, but of course never even slightly questions the why of any of such warfare.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
The Funeral (1996)
Streaming free at YouTube
Ray (Christopher Walken), Chez (Chris Penn), and Johnny (Vincent Gallo) are three Mafia brothers, and Johnny is the youngest but he'll get no older. He's dead, encased in pine, and we're invited to his funeral. When the funeral's over, comes the revenge.
Benicio Del Toro plays the bad guy, and I've always found him grating. Gallo too. And I abhor funerals, rarely have interest in mobster movies, and sometimes this one's hard to watch. Written by Nicholas St. John (Ms 45) and directed by Abel Ferrara (also Ms 45), you know everything's going to be hopeless, bleak, violent, and sometimes sick in the head. It's like life in America.
"I would say life is pretty pointless, wouldn't you, without the movies?"
There are moments in The Funeral that, with anyone but Ferrara, might signal it's time to turn it off, but for those who stick with it, this is very good. Very.
It's probably wise, though, not to watch in the middle of the night, because if you turn it down so the screams won't wake the neighbors, you might miss some of the soft-spoken psychopath dialogue.
"You wanna get deep on this shit? All them Catholics gone insane. Everything we do depends on free choice, but at the same time they say we need the grace of God to do what's right? I don't follow that. If I do something wrong, it's because God didn't give me the grace to do what's right. If this world stinks, it's his fault. I'm only working with what I've been given."
With Gretchen Mol, Isabella Rossellini, Annabella Sciorra, John Ventimiglia, and rumors of Edie Falco.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
Funeral Home (1980)
a/k/a Cries in the Night
Streaming free at Internet Archive
Standard-issue low-budget horror. Let's convert a shuttered funeral home into a bed & breakfast. Stay out of the basement, and don't forget to tease the dim-witted handyman.
Barry Morse from The Fugitive co-stars, and he's good, but the rest of the movie just sits there like a corpse.
Verdict: NO.
♦ ♦ ♦
Funny Face (1957)
Streaming free at Daily Motion
Fred Astaire plays a fashion photographer working for Kay Thompson, a
haute couture magazine publisher. They're both detestable, always demanding, never listening, and they're both in their 50s or 60s, so the movie could've been a romance between them, but instead Astaire is preying on Audrey Hepburn, who's half his age.
Even in Schrodinger's Universe, Audrey Hepburn never had a "Funny Face," but the movie tells us a dozen times that she's all wrong for modeling, and it'll be a big challenge for Astaire to somehow mold her into being a runway model. In reality, Ms Hepburn was a runway model before becoming an actress, and the only thing funny about her face is the two-inch eyelash extenders the movie makes her wear.
Astaire always had a natural charm on camera, so it must've been difficult making him as abrasive as he is here. When he gets jealous of another, younger man, Hepburn replies that it's an intellectual relationship, and Astaire says, "He's about as interested in your intellect as I am."
Hepburn is Hepburn, so she's delightful, playing a bookseller with beat and hep-cat tendencies. Astaire wants her to fly to Paris to model, and she accepts the invitation, hoping to sneak away and meet a goatee-faced philosopher.
The character Hepburn's playing deserves a better movie, without the intrusions of Astaire. And I'm a fan of Fred Astaire — but not Funny Face.
It's directed by Stanley Donen, who gives it his familiar colorful but overly-controlled look, and lets the dancing wander into overwrought ballet that worked better for Gene Kelley. Even the music by the great Ira Gershwin never got my toes tapping.
Verdict: MAYBE.
♦ ♦ ♦
Funny Girl (1968)
Streaming free at Internet Archive
Gotta love a good musical, and this is a good musical. Barbra Streisand stars in a biopic about early 20th century singer Fanny Brice.
Probably you and definitely I don't know jack crap about Fanny Brice, but who cares? To me it's a biopic about Barbra Streisand.
She's looking for her big break in a stage show, simultaneously self-confident and insecure, and she's hilarious about it, and she's also Barbra Streisand, so buckle in while she belts out the soundtrack.
Early in the story, she's almost fired by a producer, because she doesn't have 'the right look' — the button nose, or whatever defines beauty in a woman. Streisand does have a funnier face than Audrey Hepburn (see above), but beauty is an odd concept. It's about looks, but it's more about presentation, and when Brice/Streisand is on stage at full wattage, you bet your sweet bippy she's beautiful.
Everything else about the movie is OK, and oh look there's Omar Sharif, but Streisand *is* the movie and she's great. It's her first film, direct from starring in the play of Funny Girl on Broadway, and it secured her fame and won her a well-deserved Oscar.
What we've got here is comedy that's comedic, romance that's romantic, plus tragedy that's tragic and weighs down the last act, but music that's magic: "Don't Rain on My Parade," "I'd Rather Be Blue Over You," "People Who Need People," "Second Hand Rose," even a funny "Swan Lake."
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
Funny Lady (1974)
Streaming free at Internet Archive
This is the sucky sequel to
Funny Girl. Omar Sharif is mostly gone, and instead it's James Caan as a songwriter and nascent producer, trying to stage shows with and without Fanny Brice.
Funny Girl's sense of humor is gone, too, replaced with stale dramatics and lesser songs that are still given all the effort Streisand can muster.
Funny Girl was a Broadway play before it was a movie, which gave the producers years and endless opportunities to smooth the rough edges and make it a masterpiece. Funny Lady was written directly for the screen, and for the money. No out-of-town tryouts here; it's an immediate flop.
Roddy McDowell pops in, making a comically bewildered face every time he's on screen. He's the movie's most reliable laugh, but I'm not sure he's even supposed to be funny.
Verdict: NO.
♦ ♦ ♦
A Funny Thing Happened
on the Way to the Forum (1966)
Streaming free at Internet Archive
During the Roman Empire, a slave wants to buy his freedom. The slave is Zero Mostel, so it's a comedy tonight, big and loud and funny. These are quite possibly the funniest slaves I've ever seen.
The gist of the story is that Zero's owner's son (holy crap it's Phantom of the Opera Michael Crawford, fresh from adolescence) is in love with a prostitute, and Zero is promised freedom if he can help him win her heart.
From this comes a flurry of misunderstandings, sly outsmartings, gropings, oglings, crossdressing, a chariot race, and everything else you'd expect from an over-the-top lowbrow comedy of the era. It happens too quick and crazy to keep the plot in your head, and it's trying too hard to be constantly funny, but … it is constantly funny, in the old-fashioned, exaggerated and farcical way.
Phil Silvers, Buster Keaton, Jack Gilford (the Cracker Jack man), and Roy Kinnear co-star.
There are also several songs by Stephen Sondheim, and the showstopper is what starts the show, "A Comedy Tonight."
Directed by Richard Lester (A Hard Day's Night). Written by Melvin Frank (White Christmas) and Michael Pertwee (brother of Doctor Who's Jon Pertwee). Cinematography by Nicolas Roeg (and if you know anything about good movies, he needs no titles in parentheses).
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
The Furious Flycycle (1980)
Streaming free at YouTube
Searching the web for good shorts, far too often what's recommended are shorts for kids. Being not a kid, I hated this animated schmaltz from the moment it started.
"My name is Melvin Spitznaggle," says a boy's voice about seven or eight, and he prattles on and on. He wants to be an inventor, and I want to refine my searches better because, you know, I'm not 7 or 8 or even 7 x 8.
The cartoon is OK for Saturday morning TV, but the kid's voice gets more and more aggravating. "Sound cute," the director must've told him. "No, cuter!" Ugh.
Verdict: MAYBE.
4/24/2024
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Fury (1936)
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