Texas can require public schools to display Ten Commandments in classrooms, court rules

Republican lawmaker proposes MAMDANI law to deport any citizen who ‘advocates for socialism and communism’

Trump’s DOJ comes after Southern Poverty Law Center

FBI Director says arrests ‘coming soon’ on 2020 rigged election conspiracy

Justice Department demands Michigan county turn over 2024 ballots

The Trump administration is coming after birth control access in a terrifying new way

Court to Bondi: Demanding platforms censor speech and bragging about it on Fox News is, in fact, a First Amendment violation

National Guard still roams Washington with no end in sight to $1 million-per-day deployment

Midway Blitz is over, but ICE is still quietly targeting Chicago immigrants — especially at court

ICE goons have forced the cancellation of the Cinco de Mayo parade in Chicago for the second year in a row

Caught in the crackdown: As arrests at anti-ICE protests piled up, prosecutions crumbled

ICE agent punches a 16-year-old boy in the face

Israeli soldier sledgehammers Jesus statue in Lebanon

Trump’s bone spurs are back in the news over his ‘utterly delusional’ Vietnam War claim

Kash Patel’s defamation suit against The Atlantic is designed to generate headlines, not win in court

Republican Rep calls for executing Eric Swalwell

Republican City Councilman is arrested for sexual assault and child molestation, less than a month after his arrest for drug possession

Noted nincompoop Alan Dershowitz says he’s switching his registration to Republican

Ancient Democratic Congresscritter croaks in office

Black Panther Park honors Seattle chapter’s struggle and legacy

The broken US press sits down for cocktails and giggles with fascists

New York Times finally reports on concerns that Trump is ‘clearly insane’

FBI said to have investigated Times reporter after article on Patel’s girlfriend

Trump’s FCC weighs whether to flag shows with trans or non-binary programming

The Onion: At long last, InfoWars is ours

Jimmy Kimmel made a Hulu doc about High Times, but it’s really about free speech, its director says

CDC cancels publication of study showing benefits of COVID vaccines

Flu vaccine no longer mandated for US troops, Hegseth says

Businesses race to apply for tariff refunds

BBC finds “consistent pattern” of suspicious trades made just before Trump makes major announcements

Steak ‘n Shake hires first ‘Chief MAHA Officer’

Meta will record employee screens, clicks, and keystrokes to train AI that may replace them

Starbucks hires union buster Littler Mendelson, drags feet on contract negotiations, creates biggest CEO-to-worker pay gap among top 500 American corporations

Netgear gets mysterious exemption to Trump FCC ‘router ban,’ refuses to say how

White House close to deal of up to $500m to rescue ailing Spirit Airlines

Maryland to ban ‘Dynamic Pricing’ in grocery stores under new bill

Role of US CIA officers killed in crash in Mexico under scrutiny

UK moves to ban smoking for everyone born after 2008

Experts no longer believe in photographic memory

The invention of the soul

AI has emboldened child predators, and investigators can’t keep up

Tech billionaires want Christians to believe in AI

Almost half of people surveyed said they would never use a robotaxi even if it were 100 percent safe

AI chatbots are offering cancer patients alternatives to chemo and sparking concern for health officials

Palantir goes mask-off for fascism. It won’t end well.

California man, 26, dies after being found unresponsive in jail cell

LAPD deployed drones to spy on No Kings protest

Customs and Border Protection agent charged with assault on protester

Georgia man found dead in county jail

Georgia troopers fired over alleged practice of seeking insurance payouts after chases

Louisiana deputy arrested for sex crimes against a minor

Nevada police may be tracking your phone’s location without a warrant

New York AG won’t charge cop who ran over and dragged sleeping man in park while applying makeup

2 Rikers officers suspended after numerous policy violations lead to inmate’s death

Police chief, officer on paid leave after visiting Cincinnati schools on behalf of ICE

Jury awards $2M in lawsuit over 2021 Oklahoma County jailers ignoring inmate as he died

Warrant issued for Oregon ex-cop who removed ankle monitor and fled

36-year-old Texas man dies after being found unresponsive in jail cell

Houston cop brags about using N-word and beating up a Black person in racist viral video

New lewd conduct charges for Vermont Sheriff Ryan Palmer

Virginia police sergeant arrested on sexual abuse charges

Seattle police under scrutiny for altercation with Metro bus driver

Seattle PD gives medal to officer who chased man into traffic, leaving carful of kids behind

West Virginia cop smashes drunk man’s head into the ground for no reason

Climate change is making outdoors challenging for people with asthma

Scientists discover hidden ocean methane source that could worsen global warming

World food systems ‘pushed to the brink’ by extreme heat, UN warns

Florida pastor faces 20 years for PPP fraud

Former Florida pastor gets triple life sentence for child rape, CSAM charges

North Carolina pastor shot dead at home

Ohio pastor who protested against “sick” LGBTQ books & pride flags takes plea deal — guilty to unlawful sexual conduct and menacing by stalking, so rape, gross sexual imposition, and arson charges are dropped

South Carolina pastor accused of sexually abusing foster child had prior prison sentence commuted by Trump

Tennessee church employee accused of sexually abusing 15-year-old

Gwendolyn Chisolm
rock’n’roller, The Sequence

Andrew Hacker
cranky troublemaker

Rif Hutton
actor, Doogie Howser M.D.

Elaine Ingham
soil ain’t just dirt

Harry Keyishian
wouldn’t sign loyalty oath

Iris Long
chemist opposed to AIDS

Dave Mason
rock’n’roller, Traffic

Desmond Morris
author, The Naked Ape

Patrick Muldoon
actor, Starship Troopers

Alan Osmond
rock’n’roller, The Osmond Brothers

David Wilcock
UFO wingnut

Nothing will meaningfully improve
until billionaires fear for their lives.

4/22/2026

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer. Tip ‘o the hat to the Anderson Valley Advertiser, Daily Grail, Fat Magic, Jemin Na CPA, Joe My God, Slackville, Voenix Rising, Welcome Scum, What Not’s, Jamie Zawinski, and anywhere else I’ve stolen links, illustrations, or inspiration.

Special thanks to Linden Arden, Becky Jo, Joey Jo Jo & John the Basket emeritus, Jeff Meyer, Dave S, Name Withheld, and always extra special thanks to my lovely late Stephanie, who gave me 21 years and proved that the world isn’t always shitty.

News always and only from reliable sources, and I decide what’s reliable — no right-wing bullshit, no Substack because fuck Nazis, and no RawStory, Newsweek, or other clickbait sites. Written news is preferred; video links will be rare, and damned near never to videos where a reporter or podcaster simply reads a script or does improv — that’s show biz, not news.

If you’re blocked from reading anything linked above, please let me know, and I’ll reply with the article’s complete text, via my computer’s fine ad-blockers and paywall-vaulters.

And Now the News

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At my Black Sheets once-weekly gig, there’s a newish co-worker I mentioned masturbating about a while back. Her name is Candy, and she continues to be cute. We get along and all, but she’s absolutely not my type and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.

The daydreams and my quick yes-or-no evaluations are probably rotten things to do, but all men do it and I’m a man. At least I’ll have the decency to never mention it to her.

Ladies do the same thing, I suppose, evaluating every dude they see. And jeez, I would not want to see Candy’s evaluation of me, or any woman’s. It would be right out of Animal House, I’m sure:”That boy is a P I G, pig.”

♦ ♦ ♦

After I’d scoured the birdshit from the front walkway, Bill invited me to dinner. Said he’d had a recent financial windfall, wanted a nice meal and had nobody to eat with but me — so hey, no Top Ramen tonight!

I suggested Tadich Grill, the oldest and probably priciest restaurant in San Francisco, but Bill pointed out that if if we went someplace that expensive, he’d expect me to put out afterwards. So instead we went to a Mexican place called Mom is Cooking, between Edinburgh and Naples in the Excelsior, and ¡Madre mía! it was lots better than ramen.

The decor is festive but tawdry, and the tables are close together, with perhaps two feet of clearance for walking — a tight squeeze for a fat man, and I may have toppled someone’s salsa on our way to one of the back tables.

The menus are in term-paper binders, with a glossary of Mexican terms in the back, for those unfamiliar with the cuisine. The glossary was helpful, too, because Mom is Cooking is not just another taqueria. They’re way beyond ordinary burritos and tacos and chips.

I had a potato tamale (“tah•MAHL•eh; corn dough, beaten and steamed”) with broccoli and peas and corn, all drenched in chocolate sauce, ordered only because it sounded kooky — chocolate sauce on vegetables? But it was scrumptious.

Bill had the potpourri Mexicano, which seemed to be everything you’d find at a bodega all scrambled together, served with beans and rice and onions and guacamole under a red-hot sauce.

We also had a big bowl of boquitas. They’re like mini-nachos, with toppings piles high — guacamole, tomato bits, some kind of spicy lettuce, sour cream, triple-fried beans, that white melted cheese (can’t remember what it’s called) and maybe eleven herbs and spices swiped from the Colonel. We were supposed to share it but the ladies are right, I’m a P I G, pig, and about 3/4 of it went to into my mouth.

Tasty vittles indeed, and then they brought “coffee for dessert,” like they used to say in the Yuban commercials, only it actually tasted like dessert — cinnamon-loaded, sweet and delicious and so hot I had to savor not gulp it.

And it wasn’t Tadich Grill pricey, either. More expensive than El Castillito, sure, but one fine day when I can afford it, I’ll be back for more of whatever Mom is Cooking.

♦ ♦ ♦   

Talking with our mouths full, Bill and I discussed politics and sardines and the fund-raising orgies he hosts. I mentioned that I’d been a little unsure of myself with the S/M book — writing a review of a book all about sexual practices I know nothing about.

“I’m a wisp of innocence, you know, a delicate flower of near-virginity, adrift in this world of perversion you inhabit.”

But he calmed my worry, told me the review I’d turned in was very well-written, and exactly what he’d hoped for. “If I’d wanted an expert’s opinion on a book of sadomasochism, I would’ve reviewed it myself. A neophyte’s view is fresher,” he said, “than the opinion of someone who snaps a whip every weekend.”

Which makes sense, I guess, so I volunteered to read and review any incoming books about fat lonely losers who meet just the right whatever. Or in a pinch, lesbian fiction.

♦ ♦ ♦

Back home at the hotel, I hadn’t seen a roach since the manager’s son sprayed my room a few days ago, but tonight I drowned two in the sink and flattened a third on the wall — my roachiest day yet.

Pathetic Life
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itsdougholland.com
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Brenda was back and I was glad to see her, selling her art on the Avenue. I set up my table near as I could to hers, cuz she’s probably my best buddy in Berkeley.

Brenda talks true, knows what’s what about everything, never drones on with long-winded political opinions, and never minds when I do. She’d spent the past several weeks on the east coast, and she had a few stories about that but not so many as to be boring.

Barbara stopped by, too. She lives way up in Santa Cruz and doesn’t have a car, so I was surprised to see her huge smile for the second consecutive month. I introduced her to Brenda, and the three of us talked for a while, mostly about weird movies and our overbearing mothers.

Mothers, man. Brenda had seen hers while she was away, and said she’d need 6-8 weeks to regain her sanity. Barbara’s mom sounds like a haughty chimera, and they’re completely disconnected, haven’t spoken in years. So Brenda and Barbara swapped horror stories I couldn’t match.

Makes me wonder if I haven’t been too harsh about my dear old mum. After all, she’s merely prying, intrusive, very Christian, queen of the guilt trips, and repeats the same stories and nagging endlessly — but she’s not abusive, not cruel and mean and awful like Brenda and Barbara’s moms.

Mother’s Day is coming up. Maybe I’ll send my mom a card.

♦ ♦ ♦   

Directly behind me on Telegraph, waiting for the light to change, was a snazzy TV news van with a satellite dish on the roof. Channel 7, said the logo painted on the side.

The driver had his window down, his elbow at my eye level, not six feet from my table, and TV news is so vacuous, I had to toss him a sarcastic comment. “Ooooh,” I said, loudly, snidely, rudely. “It’s a professional journalist.”

“Yeah, and you’re a professional street salesman,” he said, smiling and unperturbed. “Which is OK,” he added, “long as we both have our professional credentials.”

The light changed to green and I heard him chuckle as he drove away. That was a quality retort. It left me speechless but eager to argue, but I couldn’t — he was gone.

The man’s face hadn’t been familiar from billboards advertising happy anchors, and he wasn’t handsome enough. Kinda ugly, honestly, so I’m sure he works behind the cameras, not in front.

In typical TV news fashion, though, he’d gotten the facts wrong. I’m not a street salesman — I don’t sell streets. The term is ‘street vendor’, ya schmuck.

♦ ♦ ♦  

Most jobs, at least most jobs I’ve had, you see the same people every day, and hate most of them. Working on Telegraph Ave is different. You see the same vendors every day, yeah, and hate most of them of course, and there’s the recurring theme of Christians offended by fish, merchants offended by hippies, and city bureaucrats hoping to find offense against the dumbest rules imaginable.

But there’s also someone in a passing van you can trade insults with, and braless bimbos selling incense, dropouts and debutantes might dance on the sidewalk, anyone walking by might be talking about anarchy or atheism or the summers on Saturn, and yesterday’s panhandler was (literally) selling hash today. Strangers sometimes kiss on Telegraph, and the woman shouting angrily on the sidewalk might be a philosopher worth listening to. Or she might just be drunk.

Humanity is highly overrated, and generally I hate the entire species, especially when large numbers of them gather together. There’s always large numbers on Telegraph, but it’s a weirdly welcoming, wholesome kind of crowded craziness, and it soaks into you.

I’d rather be alone in my room, sure, but that doesn’t pay. If I have to earn a living by being around people, the people I want to be around are on Telegraph.

It’s taken ten months for me to truly figure out the scene, the characters, and this one simple fact: For all my complaining, a guy’s gotta work somewhere to survive, and selling sacrilege in Berkeley has to be one of the greatest jobs in the world.

Suck it, Channel 7 van man — I’m a street vendor, and I love it.

Pathetic Life
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