After an all-sausage dinner last night, I’ve gone vegan, effective this morning. My flatmate Robert has been gifted all my remaining flesh and dairy products.
Breakfast today was a big bowl of fruit. So far, so good — no meat, no dairy, no eggs.
This is, however, a one-month experiment, not a lifetime commitment. I’m a tourist, not a citizen of Vegania, and it’s entirely possible that I’ll celebrate the end of this month with a bloody cheeseburger.
I might surprise myself, though. Surprising myself is what keeps life interesting.
This stab at veganism is not for ethical reasons. Never been big on ethics. I’ll eat anything I haven’t loved, so I’ve never eaten dogs, cats, or family, but I’m philosophically OK with eating birds and cows and such. I am not, however, ecologically OK with it. Billions of people eating birds and cows and such is not sustainable, when it’s factory-slaughtered and packaged in plastic.
Beyond being green, my motivation is my own health. As I grow older and older, I’m feeling shittier and shittier, and reliable sources have told me I’ll feel better without eating birds and cows and such. So, here goes: much as I love chunks of ham, turkey, and feta on my salads, a salad is damned fine with beans and olives instead, especially if it means life lasts a little longer.
Same as everything I do, my veganism will be half-assed. I’ll eat no meat, eggs, or dairy at home, where nine out of ten meals are eaten, but that tenth meal is at a restaurant, and at all my favorite diners and cafes, vegan options either don’t exist or simply suck. So the plan is, I’ll be vegan at home, but vegetarian when I dine out. Which might be ten meals, this month.
Yet, here I go, surprising myself already: I lunched at Mrs Rigby’s Diner this afternoon, and walked in thinking I’d order a cheeseburger deluxe and a strawberry shake. Instead I had two orders of their fabulous french fries, with catsup and coffee, and did not feel deprived. As a bonus, the tab was several bucks less.
Also, there’s what I call the potato salad conundrum. Often, including right now, store-bought potato salad is in my fridge. Mayonnaise is an ingredient in potato salad, and mayonnaise contains egg yolks, so vegan potato salad does not exist, unless I make it from scratch. And I don’t make anything from scratch. But I am still going to eat potato salad.
Likewise, I will eat no macaroni and cheese, because cheese is right there in the title. But if a macaroni salad is on sale, I’m buying it and eating it, without scrutinizing the ingredients to ascertain whether it’s vegan-compliant.
Also, I’m keeping my comfy leather shoes.
So today and for the month of May, I’m vegan, but probably not vegan enough to join any vegan clubs. That’s OK. I’m not a joiner.
My only goal is being vegan enough that my body starts feeling a little less shitty.
5/1/2026
itsdougholland.com
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