My mom is in her 90s, but was still sharp and getting around, until she had heart surgery in March. The procedure went smoothly, but the anesthesia or shock to her system left her with near-amnesia, weak as an old lady, and unable to walk.
After ten days in the hospital, she spent six weeks in rehab at a nursing home, and during that time my sister Katrina was heroically at Mom’s side all day, every day. I was there too, for a few hours almost every day, to give Katrina a break.
Mom and my sister have shared a house for years, and the insurance company (fuck United Health) sent Mom home from rehab before she was ready, so they’re home together again. Katrina is basically babysitting Mom 24/7, and I pop in for a few hours each day, to help however I can.
With her walker, Mom can walk again, but it’s difficult and painful. The real problem is, she can’t stand from a sitting position without someone wrapping a physical therapy belt around her torso, lifting her, while coaching Mom (every time) on how to position her body, push off the armrests, straighten up once she’s standing, etc. For the first ten days or so at home, Katrina wasn’t strong enough to do this, so Mom was always in her recliner, even pooping and peeing there, until I came for my daily visits. Being slightly stronger, I was able to get Mom up for diaper changes, short walks to the commode, or just to keep her standing for long enough for Katrina to change Mom’s clothes.
Have I mentioned? Fuck United Health.
As for Mom’s mental state and memory, she knows who she is again, but she’s still hazy about what happened the last month and a half. “I had surgery?” “I was in a nursing home?” Sometimes she forgets that she’s not fully mobile, and twice she’s fallen trying to get up from a chair or her bed.
Have I mentioned? Fuck United Health.
They’ve finally — two weeks after sending her home — approved physical therapy for Mom, twice weekly, which, of course, isn’t as much as she needs.
For the in-house evaluation before her first physical therapy session, Mom answered the expected long series of questions about her medical history, with the Q-and-A slowed somewhat by her foggy head, but more by her lousy hearing. The evaluation included a Donald Trump-style cognitive test, which I’m pleased to report Mom aced. Unlike Trump, she doesn’t brag about it, though.
Mom’s getting stronger, and Katrina can get her standing now, but it’s still very difficult for both of them. Every time I visit, I’m in charge of hoisting Mom to a standing position, 4-6 times. For the rest of my visit, some days Mom sleeps, some days she’s awake but barely engaged, and some days she’s almost Mom again.
Today, Mother’s Day, she was more Mom than she’s been since March. My brother Clay and his wife Karen came over while I was at Katrina’s house, Mom was a steady 75% present, and it was quality family time, srsly. Maybe the best Mother’s Day ever!
Out of nowhere, Mom asked an intrusive personal question — “What happened to that nice girl April you were dating?” April & I dated more than 40 years ago, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since, but Mom always wanted me to marry her, and Mom never gives up.
At the end of the afternoon, as I said my goodbyes to catch the bus home, Mom said, “Why are you leaving so soon?” And she said it cranky as hell, as if I’d only been there 15 minutes. I’d been there for 5½ hours.
It was fantastic! Mom’s prying questions and general nagging drove me nuts for decades, but after what she’s been through, it was the opposite of annoying to be “Mommed” again. It was like, Hello and hooray, Mom’s coming back!
Pretty soon she’ll be telling me to get my teeth fixed and reminding me that I was a missing person from 1991-2018. And honestly, I can’t wait!
5/10/2026
itsdougholland.com
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