every movie ever made, in alphabetical order
(we’re in the K’s, with anti-alphabetical cheats)

Keep an Eye Out (2018)
Keep Talking, Baby (1961)
Keep Watching the Skies (1975)
Keep Your Hair Clean (1931)
Kelly’s Heroes (1970)
Ken Park (2002)
The People’s War (1970)

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Keep an Eye Out (2018)
a/k/a At the Station

Keep an Eye Out begins with a symphony in the woods conducted by a man in his underwear, and I won’t tell you how it ends but it’s a grand time getting there.

Louis has discovered a dead body outside his apartment building, so like a good citizen he calls the cops — which makes him the prime suspect. At the police station, an easily-distracted cop interrogates him, and interrupts to say, “This is so pedestrian, it’s just a totally boring chain of events,” as he prods Louis to say something more interesting and incriminating.

Written and directed by Quentin Dupieux (who made Rubber, the horror movie about a spare tire), this is a wackadoodle and wildly inventive low-key French comedy that’s feature-length, but flies so quickly it feels like a short.

All the way, it plays with the conventions of noir and cop movies, the cinematic structure of flashbacks, and the famous fourth wall. And characters keep saying “That’s why,” for no reason other than it’s funny. That’s why.

Verdict: Big fun, big wow, BIG YES.

Streaming free with commercials, at Tubi.

♦ ♦ ♦

Keep Talking, Baby (1961)

Jackson, a dashingly handsome ventriloquist lacking a first name, has been falsely convicted of murder, but escapes, and now like OJ Simpson, he’s determined to find the real killer.

Parts of this reminded me of TV’s The Fugitive, which came a few years later and might’ve been at least partly inspired by Keep Talking, Baby. Same as David Janssen’s Doc Kimball, Jackson smirks more than smiles, and inexplicably attracts pretty ladies who help him.

Unlike the TV show, he speaks French, it’s all played for gentle laughs, and the story wraps in an hour and a half instead of four years. Also, Jackson (harmlessly) kidnaps a little girl, steals a car, and parks it illegally, all of which would seem to call unwanted attention to a man wanted by the law.

Not that I’m complaining, about this fluffy, nicely-baked movie meringue.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Keep Watching the Skies (1975)

Roy Spence makes homemade movies, usually in the sci-fi genre because he loves that stuff. I’ve seen a few of his flicks, and they’re fun.

This one’s probably fun too, but it’s been ‘preserved’ by the Irish Film Institute, and vandalized with their logo superimposed on every moment. I couldn’t get past their ugly smudge in the corner to judge the film on its merits, and the longer I tried watching, the more I hated the potato-heads who run the Irish Film Institute.

If someday, someone other than me publishes something I’ve written, and emblazons it with their corporate logo on the corner of every page, please burn the place down. I would rather my words simply fade away.

Verdict: MAYBE.

Streaming free at Irish Film Institute.

♦ ♦ ♦

Keep Your Hair Clean (1931)

From Encyclopedia Britannica Films, this is a six-minute primer on washing your hair. Running water was new in the 1930s, so perhaps regular shampoos were a new concept?

Verdict: YES.

Streaming free at Internet Archive.

♦ ♦ ♦

Kelly’s Heroes (1970)

I’d thought this was a war movie, my least favorite genre, and it is. It takes place during World War II, with all the required explosions and corpses and brainless violence. It’s also a heist flick, though, after Kelly (Clint Eastwood) interrogates a captured German officer who tells him about a ginormous stash of gold.

Eastwood is a big plus, and Don Rickles and Donald Sutherland are slight pluses, but Telly Savales is so obnoxious, screaming every line for the first half hour or so, the movie never had a chance. The cacophony of gunfights put me to sleep and then woke me, and I clicked it off when another gunfight woke me with a headache.

Someone who enjoys war or war movies might enjoy this, but that’s not me.

Verdict: NO.

Streaming free at Internet Archive.

♦ ♦ ♦

Ken Park (2002)

Skateboarders and insufferable punk teens think they have it rough in Visalia CA, and for reasons unexplained we’re supposed to care? This flick is famous for its sex scenes, but they’re too icky to be enjoyable, and there’s nothing else to see. One of the kids suicides in the movie’s early moments, and by the end I wanted it to be unanimous.

Verdict: BIG NO.

Streaming free at Internet Archive.

♦ ♦ ♦

The People’s War (1970)

From an anarchist collective called Newsreel, and directed by Robert Kramer, this 40-minute documentary is a hell of a film, simply for existing.

Kramer & crew went to Vietnam in 1969 to make it, and it’s opposed to that war so the film was mostly suppressed. But here it is, and you’re on the ground and among the Vietnamese people as America makes war on them.

Breathtaking, lifetaking footage shows the ruins and the people, as off-screen voices handle the translation. The American attackers come off as the bad guys, which is absolutely accurate, but when the countryside isn’t being obliterated it looks lovely.

The Vietnamese folk singing is, uh, sorry but, unpleasant to my non-Vietnamese ears. Everything else about the flick kicks ass.

Well, they won that time, but the bigger fight continues.

Verdict: YES.

3/6/2026

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer.
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If you can’t find a movie I’ve reviewed, or if you have recommendations, please drop me a note.
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No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff.