A new Toy Story is out now or coming soon, and I don’t care. I’ve never seen a Toy Story movie, and never will. Looks like nothing but ads. Saw a clip from one once — fake sentimentality, with Tom Hanks and Tim Allen and Mr Potato Head™. Yawn.

A new Despicable Me or Minions movie is out now or coming soon, and I don’t care. I’ve never seen a Minions movie, and never will. Steve Carell can be funny and it’s good that he has steady work, but fuck no.

Fuck no to damned near everything in mainstream first release, honestly. Give me the old stuff and weird stuff, usually playing at tiny, indie theaters, or more likely at home in my recliner.

Reviewing every movie ever made,
in alphabetical order:

Kinda Crazy (2023)
King Dinosaur (1955)
King *@#!! Frat (1979)
A King in New York (1957)

— — —

Kinda Crazy (2023)

This is a documentary about Rip City, a skate shop owned by Bill Poncher and Jim McDowell, open for business on Santa Monica Blvd since 1978. The store is full of lovable characters, skateboarders young and old.

I’d never heard of Rip City or this movie, and just when it’s starting to get interesting the end credits roll, cuz it’s only a short. A little less than twelve minutes and we’re outtahere.

Pretty cool twelve minutes, though.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

King Dinosaur (1955)

Presented as a documentary, with no jokes, no smirks, no humanity whatsoever, King Dinosaur is the story of a new planet that unexpectedly and inexplicably appears within easy commuting distance of Earth.

Scientists rush to construct a spaceship, and send a crew of two bland white men and two bland white women to check it out. The movie is very low-budget, so they discover that the new planet’s flora and fauna looks exactly like Earth’s, with snakes and alligators and trees and owls, plus a few ‘monsters’ that are obviously ordinary critters made to appear bigger. This is by Bert I Gordon, who made The Amazing Colossal Man, and making things extra-large is his signature move.

With dull characters, tired plot, and zero effort at giving this any sci-fi sense of wonder, I ran out of interest long before running out of movie.

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

King *@#!! Frat (1979)

This opens by showing a sign for Yellowstream University. A souped-up hearse drives by, with a bunch of fraternity boys in it. Behind the wheel is a tubby white guy, a few years too old for college, holding a beer.

Does it sound familiar? Yeah, King *@#!! Frat is a poorly mimeographed reproduction of National Lampoon’s Animal House, lifting nearly every scene and situation but lacking any of the laughs or spirit. Its only accomplishment is being perhaps the most blatant knockoff movie in the history of knockoff movies, with John DiSanti as J.J. ‘Gross-Out’ Gumbroski as John Belushi as Bluto Blutarsky.

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

A King in New York (1957)

The King of Estrovia flees revolution and comes to New York, bringing funds he’s absconded from his government’s treasury. Or so he thinks, but the money’s been re-absconded by his prime minister, which leaves the King broke. He has to sell himself into advertising, endorsing whatever products pay well enough to cover his rent at the Ritz.

Written, directed, and original score by Charles Chaplin, who plays the King.

At the time this was made, Chaplin was unwelcome in America, a suspected commie because he’d quietly resisted the era’s anti-pinko hysteria, after making so many films sympathetic to working stiffs, starring a lovable homeless guy. Chaplin’s familiar Tramp persona is not invited to this flick, which was not released stateside until the 1970s.

Is it funny? It has amusing, unexpected spins on gender and rock’n’roll, and Chaplin was one of the funniest folks ever on screen. You can’t go wrong with a Chaplin comedy.

This isn’t really a comedy, though. A few stretches are flat, unfunny, barely interesting, but the advertising satires are fun, a long scene mocks Congressional anti-communist hearings, and Chaplin’s own son plays a pre-adolescent who ferociously argues the merits of communism and failures of capitalism (my favorite bit here).

Think of it as a light drama, with Chaplin playfully poking at people and politics that pissed him off, and A King in New York is a success, overall. Just don’t be thinking Chaplin = laughs.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Are movies really getting darker? Yes.

The camera move that changed horror

Why was Charlie Chaplin investigated by the FBI?

8/16/2026

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer.
— — —
If you can’t find a movie I’ve reviewed, or if you have recommendations, please drop me a note.
— — —
No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff.