A toothache troubled me a month ago, so I saw a dentist and had a tooth yanked.

Ever since, my mom has been asking about my teeth. And stupidly, I answered her questions. I told her that the dentist had wanted to pull four teeth at an exorbitant price, but pulled only one, and that a more affordable dentist had recommended yanking a different tooth, so I’d put all tooth-yankings on hold until and unless there’s tooth pain, which there isn’t.

That ought to be The End, but when Mom texts or talks to me, she still asks about my teeth. “Did you get four teeth pulled?” “Are your teeth hurting today?” “When will your next tooth be pulled?” “Is your new dentist more affordable?” I have answered all these questions, explained everything to my mom so thoroughly that, unprompted by me, she recited the facts of my mouth at our most recent breakfast.

And yet, even after telling me correctly all about my dental work, ten minutes later she started asking the same questions again.

How many times she’s asked, I’ve lost count, but five times by text and three times in person I have asked my Mum to stop asking about my teeth. “It’s a painful topic, pun intended, and I’ve answered all these questions already. I’d like to stop answering these questions,” I texted two weeks ago, and shorter versions since.

Mentioning the toothache at all was my big mistake. When the pain was too much one morning a month ago, I cancelled our family breakfast with a text message, explaining that I had a toothache.

What a stupid, stupid thing to do.

I should’ve simply said “no breakfast,” with no comment about why. Or I could’ve lied, said something had come up. Anything but the truth, because this is my mother — she’s done this before. By now I should know, if there’s something I don’t want to talk about, that’s what she’ll want to talk about.

My toothache problems have been over, for weeks, but since the morning I cancelled breakfast, Mom hasn’t gone two days without texting about my teeth. For a week, my response to her tooth inquiries has been, “My dental work is finished, and I’m finished talking about it,” but if anything, her pace of asking and re-asking has increased.

This morning she texted: “I thought you might advise me tooth by tooth when they were removed. When is the next one due out?”

“My dental work is finished,” I replied again, “and I’m finished talking about it.”

Her response, mere minutes later: “So… will there be another tooth-pulling or do you get to keep all your present teeth?”

Again I replied, “My dental work is finished, and I’m finished talking about it.”

Her next text was, “You have lost only ONE tooth recently?”

I didn’t reply. Her next text was, “When will the other three teeth be pulled?”

I didn’t reply. Her next text was, “You do not respond to my texts very soon. Sometimes I have to wait hours.”

“You can wait days,” I replied, “or weeks, months, the rest of your life. My dental work is finished, and I’m finished talking about it.”

It was more than an hour before she replied: “When you say you’re finished talking about teeth I suppose it means you will not talk about teeth, so I will not ask about teeth, and you can leave my questions unanswered.”

If that sounds like The End, you don’t know my mother. I will leave her questions about my teeth unanswered, but she will definitely ask again.

8/28/2025

itsdougholland.com
← PREVIOUS          NEXT →