Bewitched (1964-72), the debut episode

Watching I Married a Witch a week or so ago made me mildly nostalgic for its TV ripoff, Bewitched (1964-1972). You remember, the suburban witch who’s married to a dweeby advertising executive. It was a better than average 1960s sitcom, which isn’t to say it was good. Elizabeth Montgomery was hot, though, Agnes Moorehead was funny, and occasional guest star Paul Lynde was funnier.

All through my childhood I watched Bewitched, but it was a Thursday night time-killer more than really a favorite. Even as a 10-year-old, the politics bugged me. She’s basically a superhero, but week after week her husband is mad at her for using those powers?

When streaming was young and Hulu was free twenty years or so ago, one afternoon I watched the show’s debut episode, which I’d never seen. Today I watched it again.

It’s vapid, and only of interest to those who fondly remember the show, but Elizabeth Montgomery is still hot, Agnes Moorehead is still funny, and the husband remains easily replaceable.

First time I watched it was in black-and-white, but all the show’s b/w episodes have been colorized. To my slight disappointment, I couldn’t find a copy that’s not brilliantly pink and chartreuse.

Verdict: MAYBE.

♦ ♦ ♦

I Don’t Want to Be a Man (1918)

“Is that really fitting for a young girl?” Ossi’s parents ask, when they catch their teenage daughter smoking cigarettes, drinking Dad’s liquor, and playing poker with men.

The parents hire a governess to make sure she’s better ‘governed’, but Ossi dances circles around the new hire. The next governess is a man, and he insists that he’ll bring her into line. “You’ll be this small,” he says, cruelly indicating about the height of a lapdog.

She’s furious, and so was I. Men have all the fun, and too often the fun involves cruelty. In frustration she shouts, “Why wasn’t I born a boy?”

After that, she decides to transform, wearing men’s clothes, necktie, hat, spectacles, and cane. She becomes a he, at least as convincing as Julie Andrews in Victor/Victoria.

When he gets drunk, is he gonna puke in the ladies’ room, or the men’s? And when he kisses that male governess, well, he doesn’t seem to be feeling small.

Ernst Lubitsch directed and co-wrote this silent German gem, and eventually made some of the great comedies of the 20th Century. This isn’t quite one of them, but it offers laughs and silliness, and sparkles despite the handicap of only intertitles for dialogue.

The print looks great, obviously restored, so I wish they would’ve done better by the score. It’s ragtime piano, stereotypical ‘silent movie music’ which repeats itself ad nauseam with no relation to what’s happening on screen.

Muting that noise, though, I’d go completely gay, trans, or whatever for Ossi Oswalda in the lead role.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

I Like Life A Lot (1977)

Animation in the style of children’s drawings, narrated by children, answering questions about their happy and painful memories. It gets philosophically dark at times, because the kids are kids, and also because these are Gypsy kids — Romani. Despite all the kids, it never seems like a kiddie cartoon, and the eight minutes go by in a hurry.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

I Will Buy You (1956)

Right up until it started, I thought this was I Will Bury You, which would be schlocky 1970s fare if it existed. Oops.

Instead it’s a Japanese baseball movie, but the action isn’t on the field. There’s this dude Kurita playing college ball and smacking lots of home runs, but it’s mostly about this other dude Kishimoto, a pro team’s executive scout, pursuing the phenom. Other teams want Kurita too, and Japan doesn’t do an American-style baseball draft, so it’s a bidding war.

Along the way, the kid’s mentor/manager milks gifts and kickbacks from several different teams, Kurita’s family wants some consideration, too, and Kishimoto has a blank checkbook he’s happy to sign. Kurita’s girlfriend is sickened by the entire charade, and the flick gets more cynical as it goes.

Some great movies have come out of Japan, and several were made by Masaki Kobayashi — Harakiri, The Human Condition, and Hymn to a Tired Man, just in the H’s. He made this one earlier in his career, and unlike the other Kobayashies I’ve seen, the drama isn’t life or death and the fate of nations.

It’s not merely baseball, though. It’s bigger than that. It’s about deciding whether integrity matters, which is a fascinating question when it’s asked right.

I Will Buy You is no Human Condition, but it makes its points without getting preachy or sanctimonious, and it’s my new favorite Japanese baseball movie.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

That Guy Dick Miller (2014)

Character actor Dick Miller ran the diner in After Hours, the book store in The Howling, the pawn shop in The Terminator, and protested Lawrence Woolsey’s degenerate movies in Matinee. He was everywhere on screen for decades, and always he was memorable.

This is a loving documentary about that guy, with lots of Miller, lots of clips, lots of friends and family, and lots of annoyances. Most documentaries are padded with unneeded fluff and BS, and this one’s more padded than most, with whimsical music, visual effects, even animation segments. The movie treats Miller like a joke, and he was a funny guy, but he deserves a more serious retrospective.

That said, my life is a little better because of Dick Miller, and another little bit better because I watched this. You can’t go wrong with Dick Miller.

Verdict: YES.

5/18/2025

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer. No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff. 

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