Today, four brief stories where I wonder and ask, am I the asshole?① It’s a racial stereotype that Asian women don’t stand in line. It’s also true. I’ve lived in two largely-Asian cities, San Francisco and Seattle, and seen so many Asian women cutting in line, it must be a cultural thing from China or Korea or someplace. Asian men stand in lines, but many Asian women have no understanding of the concept.I don’t remember ever losing my temper about it, until a week or so ago. I was downtown, waiting for my bus home, which was running substantially late and comes only twice hourly, so a crowd of people was waiting at the stop. About ten of them were Asian ladies, traveling in a flock as they often do.
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| McKayla Maroney |
The bus approached, and half a dozen people lined up to get on. The Asian ladies, of course, didn’t join the line.When the bus stopped, the first person in line got on, and from the left, an Asian woman wedged herself in front of the second person in line, who shook his head a bit, but said nothing.The guy third in line was me, but an Asian woman pushed her way in front of me from my right. I made a McKayla Maroney face but kept quiet, until another Asian woman began nudging herself in front of me from the left. At this, I firmly jettisoned my arm between that woman’s head and the door of the bus. It was a blocking move, but don’t worry, it missed her head by more than an inch, easy.She squawked something I didn’t understand, but the gist was, How rude of you!To this is I replied far too loudly, “Queuing!” but I wouldn’t want to make a scene or anything, so that’s all I said, and she squeezed in front of the person behind me in line.Am I the asshole?② At the diner, I was enjoying breakfast with Mom and the family. I’d ordered a cheeseburger deluxe, which is a fine breakfast that comes with a salad.The dressing is on the side, in a small mini-bowl. Thousand island, about two heaping tablespoons. I lifted the mini-bowl, and poured some dollops of dressing onto the salad. It’s thick dressing, so lots sticks to the bowl, but about half plopped onto the salad.Mom says, “Are you having a little salad on your dressing?”Everything had been bliss until that moment, but she’s my mother, and nobody angers me quicker and deeper than she. I was instantly furious.This was a light dosing of dressing, not lots, but there’s no winning an argument with Mom, so I didn’t defend myself. For the next few minutes of conversation at the table, I was wordless, flashing back on all the ways Mom’s always judged me.Eventually I forced a fake smile on my face and said something about something else to someone else at the table, but it’s a week later and I’m still seriously miffed by my mother’s wisecrack.Am I the asshole?③ My nephew George is a football fan. Go, Seahawks. Go, Huskies.I’m not big on sports in general, and specifically dislike football, for the concussions and all the dead kids, sure, but mostly because the people who are most enthusiastic about football tend to be the same people who love God and guns and Donald Trump — like my nephew George.He pointed out that I never let him text me good news about the Seahawks, without responding with something negative about football, football fans, or just saying that I don’t give a damn.”Hey,” I texted back, “if you don’t want texts from me shitting on football, don’t send me texts about how great the Seahawks played.”Am I the asshole?④ I live in a boarding house, where the kitchen and bathroom are shared between several flatmates. One of them, Dean, bugs the bejeebers out of me, but instead of re-explaining why, here are a few random links to some past complaints about him.
Our kitchen is where Dean drives me nuts, and the bathroom is where I take vengeance. He leaves his loofah hanging on a peg in the shower, and many times I’ve used it to wipe away grunge and slime that accumulates on the shower walls. I’ve also scrubbed the visible muck that accumulates at the top of my water jug, using Dean’s toothbrush.Am I the asshole?Pretty sure the answers are yes, yes, yes, and yes, but reply below if you disagree.9/26/2024 itsdougholland.com
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