MSNOW and The Monkey Wrench Gang

Here’s a phenomenon I’m seeing more and more: baby strollers with a built-in slot designed to hold cell phones, tablets, or other screen devices.

I don’t mean the slots near the handles, allowing Mom to insert her cell phone and watch YouTube influencers as she’s pushing Junior — strollers had those slots ten years ago. No, I’m talking about device slots at the baby’s eye level, allowing Mom to insert a tablet or a second cell phone, so a drooling infant can watch videos while seated in the stroller, while Mom watches videos as she pushes the stroller.

Humanity is so very fucking doomed.

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A small band of entitled white people torch billboards and blow up bridges, making a messy statement against sprawl and progress, and then they try to outrun some cops trying to arrest them.

I’d heard great things about The Monkey Wrench Gang, by Edward Abbey, but somehow never read it until a few weeks ago, and it definitely gets thumbs up.

The book’s main perps are rednecks, which surprised me. They’re all basically Republicans, driving drunk and tossing beer cans out their car windows, even as they complain about the encroaching suburbs and yak about how much they love the unspoiled wilds. These characters love the National Rifle Association, spew bigoted comments about natives, women, etc, and trade wisecracks like “Register communists, not guns.”

It’s a good read, though. I enjoyed the casual vulgarity of it all, the untidiness and obvious contradictions. It’s more fun that way, than if Abbey had written these guys (and one woman they all leer at) recycling their tin cans, eating vegan, respecting Mother Earth, and working at a food bank during their non-vandal down time.

Verdict: YES.

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Since her surgery and the complications, Mom has recovered most of her strength and personality, but she’s changed in one unexpected way — she’s no longer obsessed with watching the grossest entertainment on television. Instead she watches MSNOW (formerly MSNBC), with occasional side trips to CNN, and nothing much else.

Mom hates Donald Trump, which is my favorite of the few things we have in common. But I hate television. Almost anything on TV, including MSNOW and CNN, leaves the audience dumber than before they’d watched, and I’m not immune. My IQ drops every time I glance at the screen at Mom’s house.

At my request, though, Mom’s willing to mute the sound, and watch only with captions. The silence is appreciated, sincerely. I glance at the screen far less often when they’re not talking, saving endangered brain cells, so thanks, Mom.

Decades ago, I used to watch what was then MSNBC, and it wasn’t as awful then as it is MSNOW. Now it’s 24/7 news with almost no news at all, just talking heads saying Exactly What You’d Expect, as they discuss inside-politics and news that doesn’t matter but dominates the news.

Always, every damned day, they dissect Trump’s popularity polls, citing numbers which matter to nobody. They analyze polls about upcoming elections, and after the election they analyze the vote — state by state, how did blacks, browns, whites, men, women, blue collar, white collar, religious, and the not-religious vote? They’d analyze the vote by voters’ height if the data was available.

If there’s a Congressional hearing, the cameras will be there and air every moment, gavel to boring gavel, and MSNOW’s dozen pundits will all parse and re-parse every witless word. Later that same day and into the next morning, their parsing and re-parsing will be re-run.

When President Trump holds a press conference, getting facts all wrong and insulting his perceived or imagined enemies while his mind wanders everywhere and he’s unable to focus on any topic for more than mere seconds before taking a tangent to some other topic, MSNOW will carry every moment, live and later on tape, without ever pointing out that a buffoon is runni9ng the nation.

Then it’s “breaking news” that the President has signed a bill, that there’ll be Congressional hearings tomorrow, or that the Vice President is giving a speech, “and we take you there, live!”

All this they do, because it’s cost-effective. Doing actual reporting of actual news would be expensive, so while the world almost literally burns, MSNOW provides the shallowest news coverage that could plausibly be described as news coverage.

And it’s always at least a day behind the “real time” of my internet surf cycle. Whatever scandal or event I’ve read about online on Monday will be the main topic on MSNOW all day Tuesday, and they’ll still be talking about it on Wednesday.

And only one, two, or maybe three news stories are discussed. The rest of the news is never mentioned. I’ve glanced at MSNOW during my Mom-visits often enough to have seen perhaps twenty hours of their ‘coverage’ over recent months, without even a moment seriously addressing climate change, or Trump’s military murders in the Caribbean, or any topic that wasn’t all over that morning’s fluffy headlines in mainstream media. You’d be better informed, I think, spending fifteen minutes skimming headlines at The Guardian, than watching MSNOW around the clock.

Last week, for example, Trump made more bullshit claims of rigged elections, this time in California. No evidence is offered, of this or anything Trump lies about, because there is no evidence, but MSNOW spent days debunking Trump’s lies as if they’re serious allegations.

Anyone with a non-negative IQ no longer needs debunkery to know Trump is constantly lying, and nobody needs seven different hosts on seven different shows debunking the same Trump lies seven times.

It’s not too late, Mom — and America. Turn it off.

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One of my frequent bus routes goes past a Catholic high school, with a big electronic sign out front. When the sign announced, “FATHER-SON CORNHOLE GAMES THIS WEEKEND,” I laughed and laughed.

For Christians and other innocents, cornhole is a beanbag-tossing game, but I spent some years living in San Francisco, where cornhole is slang for anus-play.

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I’ve been eating vegetarian since May, and this item has been in my notebook since March, so it’s outdated, but it still pisses me off:

Fast-food has always been unhealthy as hell, but at least it was cheap. Now it’s unhealthy as hell, and priced the same as a real restaurant meal, or even higher. At McDonald’s, I ordered two Filet-O-Fish and nothing else — $16. At Burger King, two Whoppers and nothing else — $19. And they were Whoppers without cheese!

At my favorite diner, I can eat two juicy quarter-pound hamburgers with the works, each accompanied by an order of sizzling, delicious fries, plus a cup of coffee with endless refills, and it adds up to $18-something.

So seriously and permanently, fuck your fast-food, fuckers.

6/17/2026

itsdougholland.com
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10 responses to “MSNOW and The Monkey Wrench Gang

  1. granville Avatar
    granville

    Abbey’s book inspired Earth First! whose founders were all like the protagonist, outdoorsy Republican types (one, I think, worked for Goldwater or someone like him).

    I’ve had that same experience when something happens in the world or I’m otherwise compelled to watch cable news for a minute. It’s numbing how stupid it is, how glacial it is, how cut rate and cheap it is. A 60 minute show basically covers like 5 stories, and 4 of them are the same stories that they covered yesterday (though it’s often 5). I’m sure you read this when it happened, the only thing different is that the industry is now in such steep decline that nobody talks about “saving” it:

    https://web.archive.org/web/20200805050159/https://www.arianapekary.net/post/personal-news-why-i-m-now-leaving-msnbc/

    1. Doug Holland Avatar

      That’s a good letter of resignation. Pessimistically, I have to notice that Ms Pekary has taken it down from her website, and the archived version is the only way to read it. Wouldn’t surprise me to learn that she was harassed for what she wrote.

      Meanwhile, I’ll add Ariana Pekary to the imaginary list of job interviews for managing editor, when funding comes through for my new site, Actual News of the United States. It’s been one of my primary daydreams for years — we’ll cover news from the perspective not of Big Money but ordinary people, with no ads and also no annoying pledge breaks. Nobody at ANUS gets paid more than the average American’s salary. Reporters write articles, but don’t appear on camera, because news shouldn’t be show biz.

      None of it will ever happen, of course, so it’s bonkers how thoroughly I’ve thought about ANUS. I have 50+ weekly shows planned, and a programming schedule. Just need the funding, please.

      There’s a movie of The Monkey Wrench Gang in the planning stages, and it could be terrific but I expect it’ll be awful.

      Watched a lot of MSNOW today at Mom’s house, their coverage of the dedication ceremonies at Obama’s Presidential Library. Might have something to say about it later. Short version: It was schmaltz but not awful.

      1. granville Avatar
        granville

        Oh God, a Monkey Wrench Gang movie would be godawful. I mean it inspired Ted Kaczynski, who wrote his own “guide” to monkey wrenching the state (a lot of which would almost definitely get anyone who followed his advice arrested if not killed).

        I didn’t see the Obamas’ speeches, just the load of smug assholes staying at luxury hotels downtown before motorcading down to the southside, where the Obama center stands like a giant tomb. Hope they have a spare room with a cot for when he blows through town once a year for gala dinners or to clear the democratic field for president again in favor of his loser handpicked successors.

        But please don’t print that I’m bitter.

        1. Doug Holland Avatar

          Oh, that’s right — I’d forgotten about Uncle Ted. Yeah, that book, The Monkey Wrench Gang, was sited as one of his inspirations. Was it cited by him, or by the coppers?

          I am no fan of Ted Kaczynski, and definitely oppose mailing pipe bombs and killing innocent people.

          That said, things have only gotten worse since Ted’s time, and it’s abundantly clear that elections, peaceful protests, and letters to elected officials add up to an ineffective defense. If we use only those accepted tactics, we’ve lost, and much of the world will be uninhabitable within the lifetimes of people now alive, and literal slavery will be returned to America. Of course, if we turn instead to violence, we’ve also lost, as even a cherry bomb in a trash bin across the street from a federal office would immediately bring brutal arrests of anyone protesting anything within ten miles.

          You know the one about a rock and a hard place, right? That’s where we are.

          A movie of The Monkey Wrench Gang would mos def suck if it came from a major studio. Hand the keys to a filmmaker like Alex Cox or Alejandro Jodorowsky, though, and I’d at least consider buying a ticket.

          Barack Obama was probably the greatest President of my lifetime, which is like taste-testing 13 piles of horse manure to determine which has the finest flavor and presentation.

          1. granville Avatar
            granville

            I am not sure if Ted ever cited Abbey. He was not fond of citing anyone though. Awhile ago one of his disciples posted up a bunch of articles and essays Ted wrote under aliases (I think mostly “F.C.” for “Freedom Club”) beside the manifesto, one of them was about radicals in the US who abandon activism in order to read theory, and then when they feel they have read enough theory, write more theory so the next generation have more theory to read.

            The disciple is the guy in the photo here:

            https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/12/the-unabomber-ted-kaczynski-new-generation-of-acolytes.html

            I think he’s had a couple of sites but they always go down, not sure if it’s the Feds or just general anarchist incompetence.

            1. Doug Holland Avatar

              Ooof, really? Freedom Club? Uh, it’s been a lot of years, and I don’t remember “FC” at all, but I definitely remember reading articles by Freedom Club long, long ago, and wondering what the hell that was. Which I guess means there’s one level of separation between me and Ted Kaczynski.

              Thanks for that article (unpaywalled link). I read it but need to read it again when I’m in a quieter headspace (today has been a hectic day).

              Maybe it’s my Kaczynski moment, but the only nuttiness I’ve seen in what little I’ve read about TK (that article and elsewhere) is his willingness to kill people. His non-kill-people perspectives seem fuckin’ spot on to me. We’re humans by species, but society and technology have reduced most of us (me, absolutely) to cogs. Who can disagree with that?

              1. granville Avatar
                granville

                Thanks, that article was also my impetus to read what he actually wrote for the first time. I’m not the type to enjoy reading eccentric political tracts online but I was actually engrossed in it. He had an interesting way of writing, incredibly simple and direct, was sometimes quite funny (especially when making fun of “leftists” and academics) and his points about the system are mostly correct. It has a name now, “deep ecology,” and journals and scholarly people writing about it but I think he described this revolt from modern life and defense of nature better than anyone.

                I’ve seen a few people online get scandalized for taking Ted K’s political and philosophical writings seriously but I can’t think of too many others of his generation that I found more interesting.

                1. Doug Holland Avatar

                  Yeah, pretty sure it’s gonna lead me to the same source materials. Who says one man can’t make a difference?

                2. granville Avatar
                  granville

                  Also I forgot to mention that Abbey’s book is actually based on real people who were inspired by Abbey’s earlier writing. His earlier book, Desert Solitaire, was about his time as a ranger in Utah. It was read by a group in the Southwest who called themselves (or were called by the media/Feds, I don’t remember which) “the ecoraiders” and began “monkeywrenching” activities. For awhile they had some notoriety, I think the NYTimes or similar did a big spread on them in masks explaining their activities. So a group of people were inspired by Abbey’s earlier book, who Abbey then fictionalized in his later book, which in turn inspired Earth First!

                  1. Doug Holland Avatar

                    What goes around comes around, and you’ve make me curious about Desert Solitaire. It’s on order.

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