I sleep naked, in a shared house, with a shared bathroom. My flatmates have normal levels of modesty, and I don’t want to see my flatmates’ junk, so I never walk naked out of my room, across the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bathroom to take a shower. I have to get at least slightly dressed first — at a minimum, underwear.Which is ridiculous in itself, getting dressed only to get undressed. But here’s another level of ridiculousness: slipping into the underwear, I look for the fly in the front, so I don’t accidentally wear the shorts backwards for ten seconds.I’ve tried not to care whether the underwear is on right, but I can’t not do it unless I remember to make a conscious effort not to look for the fly or the label in the back.

The house is a little run-down — floors tilted, stairs rickety, some gaps in the kitchen tile, etc — but the landlord responds quickly when something’s needed, and I’ve lived in far worse places, structurally. The front door has never quite locked, but that’s OK — it opens only into the laundry room. From there, anther door opens into my half of the house, and that door locks fine. The problem with the front door, the door to the laundry room, is that if it’s rained recently, it swells up ever-so-slightly, and doesn’t latch. People sure try, though. They slam the front door, the shoulder-shove it, and with enough effort you can get the door latched, but if you do then good luck getting it unlatched. And that’s a safety hazard. If the house goes up in flames, we’d prefer a front door that opens please.Someone complained, and the landlord came ’round last weekend and solved the problem, by taking the front door off its hinges. It’s leaning it against the wall, beside the door. The door is beside itself. It’s a workable solution, and cheap like the landlord. It’s a bit surreal, though, to see the washing machine from across the street.

If the weather is right and there’s time before my bus home in the evening, I like to walk a few extra blocks downtown, jotting down addresses of buildings that look cheap and residential.Wish there were rez hotels like in San Francisco, but there are none — Seattle stupidly banned them decades ago. Which means, I’m looking for a genuine apartment, or at least seriously daydreaming about it. I want someplace cheap, and cheap means shitty but I don’t mind shitty. I’ve lived in shitty places before. It’s my habitat.So I often walk the blocks downtown, jotting addresses of old buildings that look shabby, and maybe affordable. I come home and Google the addresses, and time after time the places that look perfect for me turn out to be homeless shelters. Or if they’re not shelters, they’ve been closed and empty since the ’90s or ’10s.I had high hopes for one tower with gray, sooty curtains on obviously residential windows, but the door was padlocked and the internet says it’s going to be reconstructed as a “boutique hotel.” Because Seattle needs more of those.Another place that looked cheap and run-down had a doorbell nobody answered, and that’s great — a broken doorbell means someplace shitty, so I was optimistic. When I got home, though, the internet told me there are only super-swanky “lofts” at that address, with ridiculous rents. $2,695 p/month, my ass. That’s four times what I want to pay, and I’ve seen rez hotels in better shape than that building.I’ll find a place downtown eventually, though. Or die daydreaming about it, while still spending hours every day commuting downtown and back and downtown and back.

News you need,
whether you know it or not• A judge struck down an anti-press restraining order. Why does it feel so lousy? • DeSantis’s $13.5m police program lures officers with violent records to Florida • Los Angeles Dodgers backtrack, apologize to Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence

The Sisters say, “We believe the apology is sincere. And please remember: Love always wins!”• In-N-Out Burger is fighting a landmark climate bill • NAACP, with Hispanic and gay rights groups, says Florida is “actively hostile” to minorities and issues travel warning

• By the end of this century, climate change will put ⅓ of humanity outside the “human climate niche” • Faster and faster: The pace of climate change keeps surprising us • A warming world is costing you precious hours of sleep • Italy’s deadly floods just latest example of climate change’s all-or-nothing weather extremes

• Minneapolis to pay $700,000 to family of man murdered by police • Border Patrol shoots and kills Arizona man who called them for help • Parents of US man killed by police during mental health crisis to get $19m • A “blue wall” inside New York state prisons protects abusive guards

• Jordan says maybe Republicans need to re-investigate Hillary Clinton • Republican CongressCreature aghast over trans-friendly swimsuits • South Carolina state senate considering six-week abortion ban • Arizona judge rejects wingnut’s latest 2022 election lawsuit • Nebraska teen pleads guilty to charges related to self-managed abortion

Mystery links
There’s no knowing where you’re going• Click • Click • Click •
• Click • Click •

My browser history
without the porn• Steal this idea: the larger the car, the more you pay to park • Hellbillies, horns, and Satanic self-pleasure” Welcome to the Satanists’ convention • Armed school police make schools less safe for black girls

♫♬  It don’t mean a thing  ♫
if it don’t have that swing• The Ballad of Jed Clampett — Flatt & Scruggs • Laughing — The Guess Who • Pick Up the Pieces — Average White Band • Seattle Afternoon — Reilly & Maloney • Trouble — Yusuf Islam

Eventually, everyone
leaves the building• Adam Brace • Maria Mies• David Miranda • Bill Oesterle • Andy Rourke • Carl Smool • Algy Ward

5/24/2023
Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a
kindness, along with anything off the internet that’s made me smile or
snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.