My pledge to you:
Only the basics of a movie’s premise, with no spoilers.

“Go home and tell your king to stop this dumb war.”

In what looks like a small 19th-century European town, a teenage girl named Sophie works in a hat shop while daydreaming of a more adventurous life. Boy, does she get it.

A wizard named Howl rescues her from some lecherous soldiers, but the wizard’s enemy, the Witch of the Waste, casts a spell that turns Sophie into an old woman. Hoping to get repaired and young again, she searches for Howl, and finds him in the most unexpected headquarters, the moving castle of the title, which walks on legs and might be alive.

Helped along by a talking fire and and a scarecrow on a pogo-stick, Sophie is an interesting character, smart and personable and up for anything. Howl the magician, though, is kind of young and pretty but dull. He’s the movie’s only misstep, but that’s OK, it’s mostly about Sophie.

The movie has more energy than I did, and wore me out toward the end, but it’s 90% fabulous, and thoroughly inventive.

It’s available in the original Japanese with subtitles, or in an all-star English version dubbed by Jean Simmons, Christian Bale, Lauren Bacall, and Billy Crystal. Absolutely, go with the original Japanese.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Cat burglar Bruce Willis gets out of jail, and is immediately blackmailed — by his parole officer — into returning to a life of crime. Accompanied by his best buddy Danny Aiello, they do heists while singing Broadway show tunes, not quite on key.

You might remember this as one of the all-time Hollywood bombs, but I liked it when it first came out, and re-watching it all these years later, it’s better than I’d remembered.

Which is not to say it’s good. It’s not. It’s non-stop stupid, and neither the story nor the characters make any sense at all. But it’s awful in an enjoyably goofy way, like being in 5th grade again, hanging out with your dopey friends, challenging each other to see who can be dopiest.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

This is a Hungarian film with very nearly no dialogue. The camerawork is the star, and almost every shot is oddly-angled or otherwise astonishing.

A ladybug crawls across a lady’s neck. A funny-looking old man has the hiccups. A scenic overview of farmland is revealed to be (camera zooms out) strips of film hung as curtains in a bar. Now let’s have an extreme close-up of a pig’s testicles bouncing around as he walks…

You must pay close attention or you’ll be lost, and if you do pay close attention you might still be lost.

Almost all the way through Hukkle, I thought it was documentary, a stripped-naked slice of life in rural Eastern Europe. But it’s not. It’s scripted and acted, and after watching it thrice I’m convinced there’s a story here.

It’s a hell of a story, too, but I’m not even going to hint at a synopsis. Let’s just say, ho-lee-crap, this is a terrific debut for writer-director György Pálfi, whose entire filmography goes onto my watchlist.

Verdict: BIG YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Human Comedy (1943)

WWII is raging, but the film is set in small town America, where a grownup explains the concept of war to a little kid, and a few minutes later there’s a hymn.

Then there’s a Life Lesson, as telegram boy Mickey Rooney delivers news of a soldier’s death to the soldier’s mother. Another hymn, another Life Lesson, accompanied by violins on the soundtrack.

Next there’s a super-serious conversation about God, with more violins. These scenes are interspersed with wistful memories and hokey conversations, even one about the importance of the American flag, and more violins than Itzhak Perlman’s greatest hits.

Our silly species believes fervently in god and country and war and all, so I can’t quibble with the “human” part, but there’s no hint of comedy.

Everybody’s wholesome. Even the ‘bad guy’ turns out to have a heart of gold. You know how the story’s going to turn out, and you’re right.

The whole movie is basically a plea to buy war bonds in the theater’s lobby.

Verdict: MAYBE.

♦ ♦ ♦

… and out of alphabetical order …

This is from Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book, of which I have minimal knowledge — never read it, never saw the movie. So I’m coming in cold, but this warmed me up quick.

A boy adopts a wounded mongoose, names it Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, and the boy and his father invite the animal into their home. It’s not really a boy-and-his-mongoose story, though. It’s more about the mongoose’s battles against the other animals in India — first, a deadly sand snake, then a deadlier cobra.

This 24-minute short is written, produced, and directed by Chuck Jones, so it looks terrific, of course, and the critters talk, but none of them have wisecracks like Bugs Bunny. Narrated by Orson Welles, it’s oddly and unexpectedly adult. The only song is about death.

I kinda loved it.

Verdict: YES.

1/8/2025

Coming attractions:

The Human Condition I: No Greater Love (1959)
The Human Condition II: Road to Eternity (1959)
The Human Condition III: A Soldier’s Prayer (1961)
The Human Tornado (1976)
Human Zoos (2018)
… plus schlock, shorts, and
movies out of alphabetical order…

Neverending Film Festival

itsdougholland.com
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