Nobody had been killed or even physically harmed, I’m sure, because
even in dreams I’m still a boring man, unlikely to turn to violence.
Also, there was no blood.

What I remember most clearly is obfuscating the evidence — moving
dream boxes that held something incriminating, burning a rainbow-colored
coat that perhaps might have been recognized, and deleting my browsing
and search history.

None of that is what I’d really do, if I was actually guilty of some
serious crime and thought the cops were on to me. I’ve seen Law & Order,
so I know the cops always get the bad guy. And anyway, l prefer to
avoid confrontation, so I’d flee the scene, close my bank account, pack a
few possessions into my car, roll the dice to pick a destination, and
you’d never see me again.

In the dream, though, I was sly and shrewd and far too sure of
myself, so I stayed right where I was, even as the sound of sirens came
closer. Then the investigators knocked on the door and someone let them
in. The cops wore suits and good manners but also guns, and they asked
everyone who’d been in the building to describe what had happened.

There were half a dozen suspects, same as in a game of Clue. The
others knew nothing, and awake neither do I, but asleep I knew it all,
yet pretended to be a cooperative witness.

How stupid was that? Even asleep, everyone knows you have the right
to have an attorney present during questioning, and if you can’t afford
an attorney, one will be provided for you. Me being a big dumb boy,
though, I thought I could outsmart the detectives and get away with it,
whatever ‘it’ was, so I misleadingly answered all their questions.
That’s a crime in itself, isn’t it?

Back in reality, the cat made a ruckus covering up whatever dastardly
deed she’d done in her box, and I awoke in a dread. My first conscious
thought was fear of being caught, though I still can’t guess what I’d done.

I rubbed my eyes and sat there, thinking through my life for the
past few days. Did I rob a bank? No, pretty sure I’d remember that. Did I
mug someone, threaten someone, bribe someone? No, no, and no again. I
use software to bypass paywalls on-line, and I’ll jaywalk if there’s not
much traffic, but other than that I’m an innocent man who had a weird
dream, that’s all.

Now it’s twenty minutes later, I’ve typed this confession, and still I
have no idea what my imaginary crime might have been — but I got away
with it, bwa ha ha. And I’d panic if anyone knocked on the door right
now.
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