every movie ever made, in alphabetical order
(we’re in the I’s, with random anti-alphabetical cheats)

In the Earth (2021)

While another worldwide pandemic rages, masks and lockdowns and isolation and all, Scientist-Dude is sent to some government compound where they’re studying the forest because, well, it’s not clear why they’re studying the forest, but I’m all for science and studying, long as I don’t have to take a quiz.

Scientist-Dude and Scientist-Dame go out exploring the woodsyland, and it’s not clear why, or what they’re looking for, but they don’t find it. Instead they’re attacked, and while they’re out cold, someone steals their shoes, so now they’re barefoot, deep in the forest. How frustrating, and also, how unlikely.

Headed back to the compound, every footstep is painful, and then Scientist-Dude steps on something that gives his foot a huge gooey gash that the camera loves showing us.

While he’s screaming in agony, a vagrant-looking chap happens by, and says he lives illegally in the forest. His demeanor shouts “Don’t trust me,” but the scientists inexplicably trust him, follow him to his camp, even compliment him on the delicious flavor of the poison drinks he offers, and then the scientists are out cold a second time.

When they wake up, Scientist-Dame says, “Just let us go,” but the vagrant who’s always been an obvious bad guy says, “I would, but I can’t now. Not possible.”

And that, folks, is the first half-hour of In the Earth. In 30 minutes there’s been no fun, no thought, no frights, no wit, no enlightenment, and nothing interesting, certainly nothing to suggest sticking with it for another hour.

Verdict: NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

In the Heat of the Night (1967)

There’s been a murder in Bumfuck, Mississippi, and the victim is a rich man from Chicago who’d come to build a factory. The local sheriff (Rod Steiger) wants to solve the case quickly, and Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier) is the perfect suspect, not because there’s evidence but because he’s black, so Deputy Sam (Warren Oates) arrests him.

At the jailhouse, Tibbs says he’s a cop himself, from Philadelphia. The sheriff finds this hard to believe, what with Tibbs being black and all, so he calls the Philadelphia Poh-lease, long distance, talks to Tibbs’ commanding officer. Turns out, the man they’ve arrested isn’t merely a cop, he’s the city’s top homicide detective. And then, in a set-up perhaps too tidy, Tibbs’ boss on the phone instructs him to assist in the Bumfuck murder investigation.

Hollywood still manufactures movies against racism, but this was one of the first (or maybe, the first) to face the subject so bluntly. It gets bonus points for being made at the height of the civil rights movement, when the idea of equality was still a controversial subject, like it is again. Because of its era, the race hatred doesn’t feel like acting, and Southern theaters did not reward In the Heat of the Night with a long run.

As police procedural or murder mystery, it’s serviceable but nothing special. It is unforgettable, though, as a character drama about the conflict between a white bigot with a badge and a black man who demands respect. It’s two hours of gripping drama, and a slap in the face to the Old South.

When it’s over, the bigot and the black guy are not best buddies sharing a beer, and I love that. All that’s been accomplished is, a murder’s been solved, and these two cops have grudgingly come to respect each other. There’s a handshake, which feels like enormous progress, then and now.

Verdict: BIG YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
a/k/a John Carpenter’s In the Mouth of Madness

What would be in a mouth of madness? Dentures of dementia?

The movie opens with Sam Neill as a man who’s insane, shouting “I’m not insane,” in an asylum where the inmates sing the Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun.” That’s an imaginative start, but the rest of the film is a weak, misfiring ho-hummer about a missing horror writer.

Sutter Cane is the famous novelist, who, we’re told, sells better than Stephen King. Early on, Neill’s character says he’s never read Cane’s writing, but twenty minutes later, without explanation, he’s an expert on the details and plot points of Cane’s books.

At random, there’s a flying car, scraping knife sound effects, a bloody axe, people in a painting move, Dobermans bark, doors open and close on their own, a cop beats someone up an an alleyway, a lady looks into a photocopier and sees visions, buncha kids have deformed faces, naked man is handcuffed to an old lady’s ankles, a bloody monster sprouts tentacles, angry townsfolk carry torches at dark, etc. They’re having a sale on horror movie clichés.

John Carpenter made They Live and Assault on Precinct 13, so he’s capable of telling terrific stories, but John Carpenter’s In the Mouth of Madness is John Carpenter taking a paycheck for half-assed work. This movie could’ve been fifty times better, for 1/50th the budget, if Damon Packard had made it.

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

In the Street (1948/1952)

Silent street scenes from Harlem, long ago: Someone opens a fire hydrant on a hot summer day, and kids run through the man-made rainfall. Old people walk their dogs. People look out their windows, walk into a shop, talk to their neighbors. Kids wear strange costumes — maybe it’s Halloween, or maybe it’s just the ’40s. Other kids play with a powdery slingshot contraption unknown to me, but they’re having fun and so was I.

This was made by James Agee, Helen Levitt, and Janice Loeb, before any of them became famous. Agee later wrote The African Queen, Levitt became a well-known cityscape photographer, and Loeb a successful painter. The film was 12 minutes when it came out in 1948, but expanded to 16 minutes for a re-release in 1952.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Andor (first season, 2022)

I enjoyed the first three Star Wars movies, abhorred the fourth, and have ignored everything Star Wars-related since. But reliable sources promise that Andor is a return to the magic of Star Wars, plus it even has a political message. It’s a TV show that ran only two mini-seasons, 24 episodes total, so what the heck: I clicked ‘play’.

Lovable rogue Cassian Andor is looking for his long-lost and probably dead sister, and in the first episode he accidentally kills one cop, then on-purpose kills the dead cop’s partner. And I liked him already. Diego Luna is kinda great in the role, coming across as smart and the opposite of invincible (vincible!).

Episode after episode, we meet a parade of characters who know Andor, and their backstories are hinted at and eventually revealed. As for Andor, he gets sucked into a mission to blow up some bad guys, and then he’s sent to prison, and then there’s more intrigue.

There’s a lot to like about the first season of Andor. It feels like space noir more than Star Wars, with dark, gritty characters and shadowy intent. There’s CGI everywhere, but with the exception of a few junkyard dogs borrowed from Scooby-Doo, most of it’s done well enough to forget it’s CGI. There’s a healthy whiff of rebellion to root for, a vastly ghastly Empire to root against, and an occasional incitement to rise up that feels … pertinent.

There’s also plenty to dislike. The hero comes from a great family full of greatness, yawn, and of the 19½ separate subplots, some aren’t very interesting, and one still has me confused. It’s midway through the fifth episode before the story develops any pull, and even after that there are stretches of boredom. When it’s simmering, though, this show is good, and occasionally great.

Andor is not very Star Warsy, but it’s a Star Wars product, so it’s required to include familiar special effects and tech callbacks to the franchise’s universe — stormtroopers and TIE fighters, etc. This interrupts more than it adds to the story, and serves as an unwelcome reminder that toys are for sale.

I ain’t buying any toys nor even paying to watch the show, but the second season is already downloading.

Verdict: YES.

9/10/2025

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer. No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff.

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