every movie ever made, in alphabetical order
(we’re in the I’s, with some anti-alphabetical cheats)

Invention of Love (2018)

This is a 9-minute animated short from Russia, all in shadows and silhouette. There’s no dialogue but lots of violins and tinkling piano, as a man on a steampunk-horse meets and tries to impress a woman who sneezes a lot. The intended mood is romance and sadness, I think, but it never climbed past my wall of meh.

Verdict: MAYBE.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Invention of Lying (2009)

Ricky Gervais invented The Office and Extras, and he’s brilliant and funny, and also gets on my nerves sometimes, but who doesn’t? He wrote, directs, and stars in this flick, set in a world where nobody is capable of lying.

The concept sounded so stupid to me that I skipped the movie when it came out. Now I’ve finally seen it, and started laughing in the first moments. Gervais plays “your typical nobody writer,” who’s somehow scored a first date with Jennifer Garner, but she’s way out of his league — which she tells him, several times, bluntly, because in addition to no lies, there’s no such thing as sidestepping the truth.

Everyone’s honest about everything, which is surprisingly funny. The nursing home, where Mark visits his mother, is named A Sad Place for Hopeless Old People. It’s probably product placement, but I loved the totally honest ads for Coca-Cola and Pepsi. There are a hundred funny spins on the idea of telling the truth, and then, before those jokes have enough time to become tiresome, the movie moves on to its point: In a world without lies, there would also be no skepticism, a perfect setting for the invention of religion.

Cloaked in comedy, it becomes difficult not to see the ridiculousness of believing in an invisible omnipotent something that controls everything. And Gervais pulls off this neat trick without getting too preachy about it. Actually, the film is surprisingly kind to religion, just doesn’t do the fairy tale thing virtually every other movie does where, ooh, God must’ve done something.

The cast includes every well-known comedic actor from 15 years ago, and I’d forgotten that Louis CK is funny and likable as an actor.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Investigation of a Citizen Above Suspicion (1970)

Dottore is in charge of the homicide unit in Rome’s police department, and he’s a cocky, supercilious sort. He’s having an affair with a woman who’s turned on by his authority, and their sexplay always revolves around murder. “How are you going to kill me this time?” she asks. Thing is, this time he actually is going to kill her.

He’s been promoted to run the cops’ political crimes bureau, which gives him even more of the power he craves, and as sort of a going-away present to his staff in Homicide, he makes no effort to tidy up the evidence. He’s playing a new game now — will they follow the evidence where it leads, even if it leads to him, or will they simply refuse to go there?

Pretty sure the movie is making a political point, something more complex than “don’t trust authority,” but I watched it while severely under the weather, so the subtleties were probably sweated and coughed out of me without my knowing any better.

Had a great time, though. The actor playing the killer-cop (Gian Maria Volontè) is a joy to hate, and Ennio Morricone’s stylized score makes the flick even better.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Invisible Ghost (1941)

There’s been a series of murders at Mr Kessler’s mansion, but somehow nobody suspects Mr Kessler, despite his being played by Bela Lugosi.

He’s still grieving over the death of his unfaithful wife some years earlier, but she’s not as dead as he thinks she is, so she pops up now and again, and every time he sees her he kills someone else.

It’s genuine creepy when Lugosi says to an empty chair, “You’re more beautiful than ever this evening.” And the movie gets points for having a black servant who’s smart, respected, and treated like a man by everyone — a treat, in a movie so old.

Judged as a story, though, Invisible Ghost is not even coherent.

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦

Phenomena (1985)

I liked Dario Argento’s Susperia, and I’ve seen several other films he’s made. They’re technically sharp and stylish thrillers, but jeez the gruesomeness and misogyny gets repetitive — girls and women get killed, usually over hard-hitting rock’n’roll. When men or boys get killed, it’s incidental; the repeated thrust of the stories is girls and women getting photogenically stabbed to death.

This one starts with a high school girl on a near-wilderness field trip, who’s accidentally left behind by her class. Within about three minutes, she’s fatally stabbed with scissors and decapitated, and her head floats down a mountain stream over the opening credits. Welcome to Dario Argento’s world!

Jennifer Connelly stars, presumably before she studied acting, and she’s not very good as a young girl who loves insects and walks in her sleep. She’s been sent to the Richard Wagner International School for Girls, where soon there will be fewer girls. Connelly, being the prettiest, lives the longest.

One girl gets impaled by a spear through her mouth. Another gets chased through the woods and … impaled by a spear. Donald Pleasance, always the voice of authority in horror movies, plays the authority figure. There’s a monkey, for no logical reason, and great music by Goblin, Iron Maiden, Motorhead, Andy Sex Gang, and Bill Wyman.

I wanted to watch it to the end, because I like pretty girls and there are plenty here, but call me old-fashioned — I prefer ’em alive. In addition to all the bloodworks, it also gets kinda stupid, so eventually I clicked it off. This’ll be my last time watching a Dario Argento film, but I’d still recommend Susperia.

Verdict: MAYBE.

10/9/2025

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer. No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff.

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