every movie ever made, in alphabetical order
(we’re in the J’s, with anti-alphabetical cheats)
Jeux des reflets et de la vitesse (1925)
JFK (1991)
Jigsaw (1949)
Jimmy Zip (1999)
JK (2013)
Joan of Arc (1948)
El Doctor (2006)
The Guardian (1984)
Hell Drivers (1957)
Man 2020 (2020)
Jeux des reflets et de la vitesse (1925)
a/k/a Reflets-Vitesse
Abstract imagery, then a train ride, then we’re sailing on the busy waterways of an unnamed European city. 7½ minutes, silent, from a century ago. Sound effects have been added, and seem appropriate.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
JFK (1991)
“Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.”
The assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy couldn’t have been the work of one crazed gunman, though that’s what the Warren Commission announced. Since the deception was obvious, about half of America “did their own research” and came up with theories of what they thought actually happened.
But nobody knows who done the deed except the people involved, who’ll never tell because by now they’re all dead. With no possibility of answers, the mystery has never much intrigued me, but in 1991, lefty filmmaker Oliver Stone took his shot, so to speak, with Kevin Costner starring in the true-ish story of Jim Garrison, who was District Attorney in Orleans Parish, Louisiana.
That’s a long ways from the scene of the crime, but Garrison became obsessed with the killing, and prosecuted a New Orleans businessman named Clay Shaw, alleging Shaw was involved in the conspiracy.
Over more than three hours, Stone’s script gives voice to Garrison’s theories, and goes through at least hundreds, perhaps thousands of faulty factoids from the official story. Questions and clues and bunk and debunking come so fast and furious, nobody who’s not a conspiracy nut could conceivably make sense of it.
Like President Kennedy’s head, the movie is a mess. Only one thing is made clear, and that’s that bushels of unanswered questions remain about JFK’s killing.
Stone made this almost 30 years after the events, and I love that it asks the questions and questions the answers, but another 30+ years have passed, and whoever actually killed JFK got away with it.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
Jigsaw (1949)
Howard Malloy is an assistant district attorney, looking into a race hate group which has influence in high places. A newspaper columnist says it’s an outrage, and names the printer of the hate group’s pamphlets, which gets the printer murdered and the columnist nudged out his window.
This is an old movie that’s more pertinent now than when it was made, and includes a few paragraphs of powerful liberal sentiment. Marlene Dietrich, Henry Fonda, John Garfield, and Burgess Meredith have cameos, presumably wanting to lend support to the movie’s liberal message, but seeing them is a bit of a distraction. The movie, sadly, is convoluted, the dialogue stilted, direction clumsy, and Franchot Tone, playing Malloy, is neither interesting or interested.
Verdict: NO.
♦ ♦ ♦
Jimmy Zip (1999)
Jimmy is a 16-year-old kid with no hope, no plans, and a hobby of tinkering with explosives. His stepfather always told him he was nothing, so after Jimmy blows up the toilet while Dad’s sitting on it, he runs away to the big city, and dubs himself Jimmy Zip.
Lickety-split, Jimmy meets a gang of street toughs. Mere moments later he’s hired as well-paid drug courier for a local dealer. Then he’s buddies with a junkyard artist who has Tourette syndrome. The story is moves too fast and tells itself too tidy, but it has heart, and most of the performances are solid — Chris Mulkey as the drug dealer, Robert Gossett as Tourette, Brendan Fletcher as Mr Zip.
It’s written and directed by Robert McGinley, who made Shredder Orpheus, one of my all-time favorite low-budget indie flicks. With McGinley’s name on it, I was probably predisposed to loving this, but only liked it.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
JK (2013)
This is a mildly amusing short about an office jackass who’s always insulting and taunting co-workers, and one woman who’s had enough of his shit.
An HR rep says the jackass can’t be fired because he’s only joking, which is the opposite of actual harassment policy at any company, unless the jackass is the owner or the owner’s son. The dispute is settled on a baseball field, though, which is fun.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
Joan of Arc (1948)
France has been invaded by England, and the gallant French are losing the war, until God shouts “Vive la France!” and tells a peasant girl to take command of the French army.
I don’t even know what an ‘arc’ is, but I do know that Joan of Arc was a teenager. Which makes sense. Falling for religion, and becoming kooky fanatical about it, is largely for the young and gullible. In this flick, Ingrid Bergman stars, six years after Casablanca, and she’s obviously no teenager.
Everything was filmed on sets, even the battle scenes and all the ‘outdoor’ scenes, which sometimes makes those moments look cheesy and fake. It works as a grand story, though, generating next-to-no yawns.
And the second half of the film is better than the first, as Joan is tried for heresy by a Catholic kangaroo court. It’s a clockwork example of God’s anti-omnipotence, as these high-ranking Christians break their own rules and vows, and punish a delusional believer for her delusions and her belief.
Joan of Arc is a grandly atheist film, then, and recommended.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
El Doctor (2006)
A drunken doctor is pressed into service at a busy emergency room in a rat-infested hospital, then comes home to a sexy naked horse with breasts.
Colorful, strange, and about half in Spanish, without subtitles, but I noticed no language barrier. 22 minutes, from Suzan Pitt.
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
The Guardian (1984)
After a murder and then a rape inside a New York apartment building, the tenants come together and hire John Mack (Lou Gossett) to tighten security. Mack isn’t just a guard, sitting at a desk or watching a monitor — he’s a super-serious tough guy, basically black Mossad, determined to keep the horrors of crime out of this one building.
Martin Sheen and Arthur Hill are among the tenants, but it’s Gossett’s show. The movie is so feverishly fearful of big city crime, Curtis Silwa could’ve made it, but nope, it was written and produced by Richard Levinson & William Link. Those names will sound familiar to seasoned credits-watchers; they ran a 1980s TV factory, co-creating Columbo, Ellery Queen, Mannix, and Murder She Wrote, and a million other hours of television. This isn’t a TV movie, though — you can tell from the cuss words.
Directed by David Greene (Godspell, I Start Counting), The Guardian is never subtle, but it’s not headed where you think. Actually, I’m still not sure where it was headed or whether it got there, despite watching to the end. It’s kinda creepy and kinda kitschy, and Sheen’s green kitchen with red chairs must be seen to be believed.
Verdict: A schlocky YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
Hell Drivers (1957)
A man desperate for work lands a job as truck driver, but the ‘job interview’ is basically a race against time and death — gotta get from Point A to Point B, and why aren’t you there already? Clearly, this company doesn’t care about safety, only about how many loads of gravel can be transported, and how quickly, day after day.
Stanley Baker, Herbert Lom, and Peggy Cummins have the leading roles, with smaller parts stacked with future stars — Sean Connery (007), William Hartnell (Doctor Who‘s original Doctor), Jill Ireland (Hard Times), Gordon Jackson (The Great Escape), Sidney James (Carry On etc), David McCallum (The Man from UNCLE), and especially Patrick McGoohan (The Prisoner) as a proudly psychotic driver.
The characters seem three-dimensional, and like any good noir everyone has a dark side, served in a long, slow burn to a grand conclusion. The driving scenes are sped up photographically, of course, but not as much as most movies that show fast driving, and it’s done without rear-screen projection, so it looks more realistic. Like the loads the trucks carry, this rocks.
Directed by Cy Endfield (Jet Storm), written by Endfield and long-time The Saint writer John Kruse. Cinematography by Geoffrey Unsworth (2001: A Space Odyssey, Caberet, Superman).
Verdict: YES.
♦ ♦ ♦
Man 2020 (2020)
Set to “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” this very short short from Steve Cutts observes the COVID pandemic from the perspective of wild creatures of the world. It’s one minute, and wonderful.
Verdict: YES.
1/3/2026
Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer. No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff.
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