every movie ever made, in alphabetical order
(we’re in the I’s, with random anti-alphabetical cheats)

I Have a Radio (2020)

In this nightmarish animated vignette from David Lynch, two men dance against a Rorschach backdrop while ghastly noises accumulate, and Lynch himself sings an eerie song to remind you that, “I have a radio.”

In just six minutes, this might be the purest, briefest distillation of the essence of Lynch, and it’s beautiful. I couldn’t turn my eyes away.

There’s no rational story or discernible point beyond making a piece of art, and it is a gol durn piece of art. For another layer of Lynchiness, it has embedded Japanese subtitles, which can’t be turned off. Chef’s kiss.

Verdict: BIG YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

I Love Your Guts (2021)

Here’s a delightfully bizarre short about two teenage girls working the overnight shift at a burger joint, and one of them’s in love with the other. It’s funny, unexpectedly sweet and violent, and a fine way to spend 17 minutes of your life, with fries.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

I Wake Up Screaming (1941)

The cops think Victor Mature killed a dame, but Vic says he didn’t, and he’s enjoyably smartass about it.

Mature is ghastly to women in this movie, not physically, but in every other way. He’s convinced, for example, that a blonde he’s just met must be trash, simply because she works as a waitress. She’s the dame who gets killed, and afterwards Mr Mature makes moves on her sister, and takes her to a pro boxing bout on their first date. The 1940s, wow.

Betty Grable and Elisha Cook Jr are here, but Laird Cregar steals the show as the cop who’s sure Mature is the killer. Cregar was always a creepy presence on screen, and here he’s gone full Cregar.

It adds up to an odd oddity with a great title, but at no point does anyone wake up and scream. An instrumental version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is heavily featured on the soundtrack.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Emperor of Ice Cream (2021)

This is a three-minute adaptation of Wallace Stevens’ fine poem, words nearly verbatim, set to music and sung by director Ethan Cord, over footage from the Village Halloween Parade in New York City.

It’s an untidy mix, and I liked it.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Ladies’ Man (1961)

Herbert H Heebert spots his girlfriend kissing another man, and decides to swear off women forever. So, of course, he’s soon hired as live-in handyman and housekeeper at a boarding house for pretty young women.

That’s the entire plot, but The Ladies Man isn’t about the plot. Jerry Lewis stars, so it’s about Jerry’s antics. It’s a series of comic sketches, barely connected to the other sketches, in a story that’s dumb but often funny. It’s Jerry Lewis.

The film has a thousand flourishes, though, and it’s often visually spectacular. The opening sequence is an intricately choreographed street scene, and once Herbert moves into the mansion, it’s more imaginative than a dozen ordinary movies. The women preen themselves at mirrors that aren’t there, play a trombone and harp as part of an unseen orchestra’s musical score, and at a point of panic, Herbert splits into half a dozen Herberts for a sight gag.

The movie’s real accomplishment, though, is the boarding house. They must’ve spent a million bucks back when that was real money, building an entire three-story mansion with a dozen rooms, lots of long hallways, elaborate stairwells — but no front walls. 99% of the movie takes place on this enormous set, where the camera swoops from room to room and floor to floor for planned and staged sequences unlike any film you’ve seen.

I don’t know enough about movies to know who to credit for this — the set designer, certainly, and Paramount Pictures for laying out the cash, but the producer, director, and screenwriter must’ve been deeply involved, and all three were Jerry Lewis. People (including me) sneer at his gawky, silly “Hey lady, nice lady” comedic style, and maybe you’re ashamed to laugh, but you do.

Seeing The Ladies Man makes me suspect Lewis was much more than just a funny guy, but actually some kind of spazzy genius.

It’s an injustice that the film won no Oscars, nor any awards at all, when it is seriously, inarguably one of the great achievements of big-time Hollywood moviemaking.

Verdict: YES.

6/3/2025

Logo illustration by Jeff Meyer. No talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff. 

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