35 responses to “And now the news”

1. 

   johnthebasket

   04/23/2022

   Frank Zappa d. 1993:

   "All the good music’s already been written by people with wigs and stuff on."

   Warren Zevon, written 2002, d. 2003:

   KEEP ME IN YOUR HEART
   BY WARREN ZEVON

   Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
   Keep me in your heart for a while
   If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
   Keep me in your heart for a while

   When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
   Keep me in your heart for a while
   There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
   Keep me in your heart for a while
   Keep me in your heart for a while
   Keep me in your heart for a while

   Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
   Maybe you'll think of me and smile
   You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
   Keep me in your heart for a while

   Hold me in your thoughts
   Take me to your dreams
   Touch me as I fall into view
   When the winter comes
   Keep the fires lit
   And I will be right next to you

   Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
   Keep me in your heart for a while
   These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
   Keep me in your heart for a while
   Keep me in your heart for a while

   Reply
   1. 

      johnthebasket

      04/24/2022

      Here's the music if you'd like to sing along. . .

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMTKb-pgxGI

      Reply
   2. 

      Doug Holland

      04/26/2022

      Zevon was good, too. That might be the best Zevon, or simply the Zevon I know best, but it's a brain tattoo for me.

      Reply
   3. 

      Doug Holland

      04/26/2022

      PS — Yay, I can comment!

      Reply
   4. 

      Doug Holland

      04/26/2022

      When I sing along, people leave the room.

      Reply
2. 

   Captain Hampockets

   04/23/2022

   I haven't had a side-spurt in a while. I'm 15 years younger than you, if it matters. But to be honest, 95 % of my pissing happens when I'm seated and crapping, or pissing into a cup because I'm downstairs and don't want to go up to the bathroom, so I don't see the pee stream.

   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   I LOVE Zappa. Fucking LOVE his music, and about 90% of his values. But he was a consummate prick.

   Reply
   1. 

      Doug Holland

      04/26/2022

      If you're gonna be a prick, I say consummate it.

      Reply
3. 

   johnthebasket

   04/24/2022

   I'm slightly older than you, and use too many commas, but that's not what the question was about.

   As a cardio patient I take a daily medication that makes me piss like a professional pisser for the next several hours. As an ex-smoker/ex-drinker I almost always have a bottle of water at my elbow, although I haven't yet figured out how to drink with my elbow.

   In any case, this combination makes me trot to the bathroom with some frequency for a few hours a day and with only slightly less frequency other hours. I seem to exist to suck in water and deposit it in the bathroom, occasionally all over the bathroom.

   And, yes, I also have the belly problem. I've not seen my penis for years, but given the occasional cleanup on aisle 1, 2 and 3 in the bathroom, I'd say I'm dealing with some random direction squirting. If this appears in a medical journal, please put a mask on my penis. There's no reason I should be embarrassed, but I occasionally am. I even feel embarrassed writing about it, but I assume the research is scientific in nature, and any inquiry that doesn't involve Qanon could help future generations of pissers and might be worthwhile.

   jtb

   Reply
   1. 

      Doug Holland

      04/26/2022

      I pee every two hours around the clock, and I'm curious about that medicine that makes you Niagara. I might want to find your pills on the black market, if it means you can go a little longer between pees after taking the daily dose.

      As for the sideways problem, it's like the tip of the tube gets clogged. So by habit I now massage the tip so much I'm glad for urinal dividers, but still, why, just this morning, gave it a five-second rubdown and still I got three streams at once.

      Reply
   2. 

      johnthebasket

      04/27/2022

      When I have time, likely tonight or tomorrow night, I'll tell the story about my 3-way pee when I was diagnosed with kidney stones when I was 19. It was a week-long party with nurses, cigarettes and pudding. Don't miss it.

      John

      Reply
   3. 

      Doug Holland

      04/27/2022

      For tonight or tomorrow's story from you, I have anticipation like Heinz katchup, man.

      I confuse kidney stones and gallstones, and don't remember which I had, but it was the most painful thing in my life, not counting a slap in the face from a girl named Rita.

      Reply
   4. 

      johnthebasket

      04/28/2022

      Kidney stones come from the kidney and, if you're lucky, pass quickly through normal channels to the penis and shoot out with your urine. They hurt like hell. Gallstones, unlike kidney stones, is one word. Also, the stones are in the gall bladder, and, if you're lucky, pass into the bile ducts and then into the small bowel and are passed with your stool.

      When one or both don't pass, it depends what year it is. If it's 1969, see my comment later on tonight or so. If it's now, I think they still use Lithotripsy treatment for kidney stones, which involves playing "Tom Sawyer" by Rush at top volume with one high-powered speaker placed right behind the affected kidney. If it's gallstones they usually hyphenate your gall bladder. I wouldn't count on any of this as medical advice, but I think some of it might be truish, but will have to do until the bastards show up with your Internet connection. Where the hell are they?

      jtb

      Reply
   5. 

      johnthebasket

      04/28/2022

      . . . and I heard that Rita claimed that she could generate enough vacuum to draw the kidney stone all the way through the complex tubing system and out the penis. I wouldn't count on it, but there are worse ways to die. Hell, there are worse ways to live.

      jtb

      Reply
   6. 

      Doug Holland

      04/28/2022

      They I had kidney stones, and like just about every other visit to the ER, the doctors did nothing for me. Well, they gave me pain pills, which I appreciated, but I had black market pain pills at home. They gave me a filter thing, like for making tea, and told me to pee into it and nowhere else, so it could trap the stone if it passed. It trapped something, and per doc's instructions I took it in, but the test said whatever I passed wasn't a stone. Never had any further issues, though.

      Doctors don't know a lot of what they think they know.

      Reply
   7. 

      Doug Holland

      04/28/2022

      Rita was a good girl, and I deserved the slap, but she soon married poorly. I wish her well, but it's probably too late…

      Reply
   8. 

      johnthebasket

      04/29/2022

      The new comment software still has a few bugs but you probably already noticed. How hospitals have dealt with kidney stones really does depend on what year it is/was.

      And I will be back tomorrow with my kidney stone story, but it's 0500 and I just got home. Shit, I better make it good.

      John

      Reply
   9. 

      Doug Holland

      04/29/2022

      Bugs in the software? It would not surprise me. It *does* seem to be a *slight* improvement over the previous commenting software, but none of it's rocket science in 2022 and Google should be the best at such things, not the worst.

      I shall cheerfully accept your kidney stone whenever you pass it.

      Reply
   10. 

       johnthebasket

       05/02/2022

       Every time I enter my ID which is every time I comment, the software takes me to Wordle, which doesn't accept comments. My best score is 7. That sounds high.

       jtb

       Reply
   11. 

       Doug Holland

       05/02/2022

       I hope you're kidding and the software isn't really commingled with Wordle…

       Reply
   12. 

       johnthebasket

       05/02/2022

       I'm kidding. It's worse than that. When I'm challenged to enter my Google ID, I enter the ID and the software takes me to some random place, occasionally to the top of the most recent post, but never back to where I was when I was challenged. I have to find my way back, but when I do get there my ID has been accepted and my blank comment is awaiting me. I have no idea why I'm explaining this to you, Doug. It's not like you can just get your pliers out and fix it. It's a corporate problem, but when I elucidate the problem it sounds like I'm blaming you for software that you didn't develop. I'll see those bastards in Mountain View in hell.

       jtb

       By the way, I've never played Wuddle. It is my ambition to be the last holdout on English-speaking Earth.

       Reply
   13. 

       Doug Holland

       05/03/2022

       If I could fix it with a screwdriver, I'd probably do it wrong and make it worse instead. I was hoping, though, that when Google rewrote the commenting software they'd FIX IT.

       Believe me, the software here for posting pages is as screwy as the software for posting comments. When posting pages, it's even easier to find your post blanked out, a gotcha that's only gotten me once, because now I paste everything into the site from my word processing software.

       Reply
   14. 

       Anonymous

       05/04/2022

       Furosemide = Lasix . . . use only under a doctor's care unless you're a horse.

       Reply
   15. 

       Anonymous

       05/04/2022

       Lasix is in a category of medicines called loop diuretics. These medicines are used to treat congestive heart failure, kidney disease and some other badass conditions by reducing the amount of water in the bloodstream, thus reducing the amount of work the heart has to do to circulate the blood supply, thus extending the life of the heart, especially if it is in fragile condition (e.g., congestive heart failure). It's a good drug to kid around about, but a bad drug to mess around with if you don't have one or more organs whose useful life will be extended by use of the drug.

       John

       Reply
   16. 

       Doug Holland

       05/04/2022

       Is that the drug that makes you pee huge amounts, like I saw on Curb Your Enthusiasm? Cuz if so, that's the drug I want, but I'll pass on all the illnesses listed that it's treatment for…

       Reply
4. 

   johnthebasket

   04/25/2022

   For some reason the comment format has changed. I know not why.

   For no reason at all, this song has been kicking around my head all day and I need to get rid of it so I can sleep (it's 0500). So . . .
   Bruce Langhorne, a classical violinist and a folk guitarist had the biggest tambourine anybody had ever seen. He brought it to the recording of Dylan's album "Bringing It All Back Home". Dylan sat down and wrote a song, starting with the tambourine and ending elsewhere. Here are the lyrics. If you've only heard the Byrds version you've missed a little piece of genius.

   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you

   Though I know that evening's empire has returned into sand
   Vanished from my hand
   Left me blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping
   My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
   I have no one to meet
   And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming

   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you

   Take me on a trip upon your magic swirling ship
   My senses have been stripped
   My hands can't feel to grip
   My toes too numb to step
   Wait only for my boot heels to be wandering
   I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
   Into my own parade
   Cast your dancing spell my way, I promise to go under it

   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you

   Though you might hear laughing, spinning, swinging madly across the sun
   It's not aimed at anyone
   It's just escaping on the run
   And but for the sky there are no fences facing
   And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme
   To your tambourine in time
   It's just a ragged clown behind
   I wouldn't pay it any mind
   It's just a shadow you're seeing that he's chasing

   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you

   And take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind
   Down the foggy ruins of time
   Far past the frozen leaves
   The haunted frightened trees
   Out to the windy beach
   Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
   Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky
   With one hand waving free
   Silhouetted by the sea
   Circled by the circus sands
   With all memory and fate
   Driven deep beneath the waves
   Let me forget about today until tomorrow

   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
   Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me
   In the jingle jangle morning I'll come following you

   jtb

   Reply
   1. 

      Doug Holland

      04/26/2022

      He wrote this song about a guy with a big tambourine? I never knew that. Also never knew tambourines came in sizes.

      Reply
   2. 

      johnthebasket

      04/27/2022

      No. It's Dylan. Langhorne walked into the recording studio carrying a very large tambourine. Dylan saw the tambourine and started calling Langhorne "Mr. Tambourine Man". That's what he started with. Where the song took him from there had nothing to do with Bruce Langhorne or tambourines. The song is about whatever it's about.

      This all took place in one 14 month period in which Dylan wrote and recorded three remarkable albums, "Bringing It All Back Home", "Highway 61 Revisited", and "Blonde On Blonde", a double album. His muse was whispering lyrics in Dylan's ear and talking fast: one after the other, and Dylan was writing them down on any scrap of paper he could find. Who knows how many came to him that he failed to capture? These three albums are the peak of Dylan's work (along with a one-album slight return ten years later). Then the muse vanished like a fist when you open your hand. Songwriters always want to write Stardust (or their version of Stardust) but most of them, most of the time just write dogshit. Songwriting is a black art.

      Reply
   3. 

      Doug Holland

      04/27/2022

      I generally think most people with a reputation the size of Dylan's are 89-95% bullshit, but Mr Dylan is the real thing. Actually deserves some of his accolades. Not sure about the damned Nobel Prize, though, but I felt the same about Obama. And Kissinger, ffs.

      Reply
5. 

   johnthebasket

   04/26/2022

   I keep forgetting that there aren't a million people out here to perform daily inspections and comment on content. So when I think "brilliant entry" it's useful to mention it.

   The story about Ivars and the bus was delicious. I kept reading faster to find out what happened next and had to tell myself to slow down and enjoy the writing. There aren't many writers who do that to me, so, at least in that respect, you're in a subspecies with Dashiell Hammett and Kurt Vonnegut. There were also a few fingerprints of deft editing that I think I saw, but they vanished when I tried to view them directly. Not many people edit THAT well.

   Thanks for capturing a moderately everyday event and burnishing it into a tantalizing story.

   John

   Reply
   1. 

      johnthebasket

      04/26/2022

      It's possible that there are a few readers who are not familiar with Ivar Haglund, either as a radio personality/folksinger or as a restauranteur. His parents were early residents of Seattle, and Ivar was born there. I am unqualified to provide a full bio of Ivar, but I know that in 1938 he opened Seattle's first aquarium on Pier 54, and, with it, a walk-up Clam bar. Eight years later he opened a full-service restaurant, Ivar's Acres of Clams, also on Peir 54.

      I frequently saw Ivar on a children's television show in the 50s and he would usually sing his restaurant's theme song (of course his restaurant had a theme song) "The Old Settler's Song" which is also known by its last three words, "Acres of Clams". Am I going to leave a comment without a song? I doubt it very much.

      Here are the lyrics:

      I've wandered all over this country,
      Prospecting and digging for gold,
      I've tunneled, hydraulicked and cradled,
      And I nearly froze in the cold.
      And I nearly froze in the cold,
      And I nearly froze in the cold,
      I've tunneled, hydraulicked and cradled,
      And I nearly froze in the cold.

      For one who got wealthy by mining,
      I saw many hundreds get poor,
      I made up my mind to go digging,
      For something a little more sure,
      For something a little more sure,
      For something a little more sure.
      I made up my mind to go digging,
      For something a little more sure.

      I rolled up my grub in my blanket,
      I left all my tools on the ground,
      I started one morning to shank it,
      For the country they call Puget Sound,
      For the country they call Puget Sound,
      For the country they call Puget Sound.
      I started one morning to shank it,
      For the country they call Puget Sound.

      No longer a slave of ambition,
      I laugh at the world and its shams,
      And I think of my happy condition,
      Surrounded by Acres of Clams,
      Surrounded by Acres of Clams,
      Surrounded by Acres of Clams.
      And I think of my happy condition,
      Surrounded by Acres of Clams.

      But there's more. Here's what it sounds like. I don't know who's singing it. . . . The photos are of Ivar.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJmfz37W_94

      And one more video. Here's a fairly recent 7-minute bio of Ivar Haglund done by an admiring Seattleite . . . Keep Clam.

      jtb

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-UVw5rOVec

      Reply
   2. 

      Doug Holland

      04/27/2022

      John, thanks for this. I remember Ivar when he was alive, a colorful character even in black-and-white, sponsoring the annual Fourth of July fireworks and singing in his silly fish'n'chips commercials. I'm a little surprised that Google says his primary claim to fame was singing, not clam chowder. At my rapid lunch a few days ago, I ate under a portrait of Ivar on the wall, but he would not have approved of that soda machine.

      Reply
   3. 

      Anonymous

      04/27/2022

      I heard that song when I was quite young, and I remember liking it, but I forgot that it had a distinct message: forget getting rich; life is short so enjoy yourself.

      I'm not entirely sure that all those Seattleites in all those highrise hives have caught the advice of that message as it has echoed down the years. Ivar made some money, but he never stopped enjoying himself.

      Reply
   4. 

      Doug Holland

      04/27/2022

      Also, never stopped making damned fine fish'n'chips.

      Reply
6. 

   johnthebasket

   04/27/2022

   "I am not a number; I am a free man."

   johnthebasket

   Reply
   1. 

      Doug Holland

      04/27/2022

      If I was a number, I'm sure I'd be Number Two.

      Reply

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