Waiting
at a downtown bus stop, I got approached to buy drugs. Been a long time
since that’s happened. Pot’s legal here, and anyway, I am old and fat
and not someone who looks like a likely consumer of anything but pie.
She
was overweight but somehow still waifish, a 30-something white woman
wearing stripes, and she held up her hand like asking permission, and
said, “Wanna buy some pebbles and bambam?”Uh, I remember The Flintstones‘ daughter and the boy next door, but I’m unfamiliar with this usage of the term. Any drug experts reading this care to explain?I’m
guessing it was a drug thing, not a sex thing, just from the very
unsexy way she said it. I shook my head no, and she took a few steps and
asked someone else, “Pebbles and bambam?”
Google says it’s the beginning of the end for passwords,
news which makes me queasy. Oh, brave new world, where it’s
routine for everyone to be identified by fingerprints or a
face scan.And they’re not building a “passwordless future” to protect you, it’s to protect banks and billionaires.Like all such obnoxious tech, I’ll resist and delay for as long as it’s feasible.
Already
on random mornings at work, my password isn’t enough. About one login
out of five, the software doublechecks that I’m me, by requiring me to
input a code number, sent to my cell phone. Trouble is, that’s my cell phone, and sometimes I leave it at home.Oh, the humanities. If the computer does its random spot-check, but I, lacking a cell, can’t prove I’m me, I am forced — forced —
to relax in my chair and read a book, while someone with the
computer-access I’ve been denied opens an IT ticket on my behalf.To even enter the office, I gotta flash the ‘lectronic badge that IDs me well enough it’s also my time card. I sit at the same computer every day, and one morning when it wouldn’t power up I tried logging in at an empty cubical, but the system wouldn’t let me, so there’s a security check there, too. My password is known only to me, so that’s the third proof of person, but it’s not quite proof enough.
“You
gotta bring your cell phone, Doug,” the IT guy scolded me the third
time it happened. Gosh, I sure am sorry that I can’t be allowed to do my work without my cell phone to
vouch for me. I’ll try real hard not to forget it again…
One particularly fine morning, my bus came, and I flashed my pass and took a seat, as
did ten others who’d been waiting. The bus pulled away with a loud
whoosh, awakening a man who’d been sleeping on the sidewalk. Not
homeless, just napping. He was wearing a suit, tie, nice jacket.
From
a window seat, I watched what happened next, and it was grand. Seeing
that the bus was leaving, the gentleman stood and shouted, then ran
after us, trying to get the driver’s attention.Doubtless he got
the driver’s attention, but the bus had pulled away. We were already
waiting at the traffic light. There are rules for being a bus driver,
and one of them is, you’re not supposed to open the door and let a
latecomer board, when the bus has left the bus stop.The man in a suit
didn’t like that rule, and filed an informal complaint by running up to
the bus and pounding at the door, shouting, “Let me on, damn it!”
Somehow, this did not soften the driver’s adherence to the rules.When
the light turned green the bus rolled onward, and the angry man punched
the side of the bus every ten feet or so along our way. Bam, bam. No
pebbles.There’ll be another bus in ten minutes, mister, but thank you for participating in this Metro Transit rider satisfaction survey.
News you need,
whether you know it or not• DeSantis’ office occupied, more than a dozen protesters arrested • 10-year-olds were employed — but not paid — at Kentucky McDonald’s, and sometimes worked as late as 2AM • Microsoft is forcing Outlook and Teams to open links in Edge, and IT admins are angry • New documents show how Sandra Day O’Connor helped George W. Bush win the 2000 election • Searches for VPN soar in Utah amidst Pornhub blockage • Biden’s new communications director is a $20-million man
• Inside Big Beef’s climate messaging machine: confuse, defend and downplay • As global warming raises sea levels, Boston’s subway system will be underwater • Study: Climate change is pushing the Sonoran Desert toward a weedier, barren future • This is what the world will look like in 100 years if we do nothing to stop climate change
• Cops pay penalty for shooting hostage nine times • Lancaster Officer sentenced to prison for stealing from Drug Task Force • US Marshals’ super-secret computer network is exposed, then ransomed, then nuked • Officer arrested for child sex crimes was a church youth leader • NYPD officer convicted of 4 child pornography-related offenses after using position to gain victims’ trust • “Malice or ineptitude”: probe into police killing of eco-activist frustrates family • Former West Virginia parole officer sentenced for witness tampering
• Republicans are weaponizing decorum rules and legislative discipline to silence Democrats • Unable to get an abortion in Florida, woman carried baby who had no kidneys to term • Fox News’ Jesse Watters claims he “can tell” who is “illegal” just by looking at them • Republicans no longer seeking to ban individual books go after the whole library • Emails reveal “jaw-dropping” Herschel Walker money scandal • Proud Boy and “Trump’s Army” founder guilty of sedition • Nothing will happen as ProPublica uncovers more evidence of Justice Thomas’ profound ethical failures • Newsmax Host: Schools are building dark army for devil worshipers
Mystery links
There’s no knowing where you’re going• Click • Click • Click •
• Click • Click •
My browser history
without the porn • “Stephen Bissette, Swamp Thing: “If there’s anything I’m proud of, it’s that we fucking busted the Comics Code. They didn’t bust us.”• Inside the chaotic world of kids trying to play video games on school laptops • Public transit that’s free is better for everyone • It turns out the best way to end homelessness is by giving people who don’t have a place to live… a place to live
• Here’s a place to go for all of your heirloom banana needs • There’s a mansion hidden directly under the Bay Bridge • Feynman’s maze-running story • This guy got public transit desegregated in New Orleans, in 1867
♫♬ It don’t mean a thing ♫
if it don’t have that swing• The Bells Are Ringing — They Might Be Giants • Don’t You Forget About Me – Simple Minds • I’d Love to Change the World — Ten Years After • Morning Has Broken — Cat Stevens • Truckin’ — The Grateful Dead
Eventually, everyone
leaves the building• Jeremy Gordin • Stew Leonard • Linda Lewis
5/4/2023
Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a
kindness, along with anything off the internet that’s made me smile or
snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
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