our 64th weekly open mike
Let’s see what happens when your host (me) has nothing to say. Step right up, speak your mind, tell a story, sing a song, whatever.
1/24/2026
Anything goes — 1/24
7 responses to “Anything goes — 1/24”
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The History of My Sex Life Ch5 (The ones who got away)
Then there was the woman in Austin I met on Craigslist who invited me to her place across town one night for a bootie call but I was already stoned and told her I would have to also spend the night. That turned her off and she rescinded the invitation.
Then there was Jennie in ’75. I could’ve plowed that thang but when it was time to get down and dirty I just couldn’t go through with it.
You might think I’m a sex fiend for writing all this—does that mean I wasn’t a sex fiend until I decided to make this list? The ones who tell you that they’re not a sex fiend are the ones who probably, most assuredly, are. (Just like the ones who say, “Don’t judge me!” are the ones who probably should be judged.)
Victoria was another one who got away. We were driving home from the Mateel after getting together on the dance floor and she said, “Could we, like, date or something after this?”
“No,” I said.
“Stop the car!”she said. Her friend was following behind and picked her up. When I told my neighbor the story he said, “Man, you’re supposed to just say something noncommittal like ‘Oh that sounds nice!’”
I’ve never wanted to lead anyone on. Being too honest has definitely cost me some pussy.
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“Sex fiend” carries negative connotations, because of the word “fiend.” We’re all sex enthusiasts, though, except the wingnuts who deny themselves pleasure. It’s the most pleasant minute-and-a-half of life.
Honesty has its value, so say no if no is the answer, but *why* would you have no interest in dating a woman you found attractive enough to invite into your car?
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Why I’m alone now, I’m fucked up, man, can’t keep anything together, probably deep feelings of unworthiness…Well, I’m retired from the sexual rat race, so…
Like this sweet woman who I thought was too chubby so didn’t value her, just found her old address but it’s too late now to be nice. (Let’s blame my fighting parents, that’s a good one!”THE SEDUCTION OF REBECCA
I started out with the usual sub-standard double lattee at Borders, because the great Firefly Cafe was closed Sundays, then a quick drive across town to the Unitarian Church. I’m not religious but I like the community aspect of it and I did meet my last paramour there last year. Hey its Indiana!-Church is almost required!
The sermon was pretty disappointing as usual, something about a neighbor cat who was hanging around the minister’s dead cat’s grave-puleeeze! This minister is so uninteresting it inspires ME to go to Divinity School to become one, even sans my belief in a god! As she talked I try to just flow with my judgements and not pile on with vicious thoughts. Hey, its INDIANA! What did I expect? (As I walked out of the big room a nice man made the mistake of asking me how I liked the sermon. I told him the best part was the great free feeling walking out when it was over. I said that if 97% of the congregation voted to hire her then I want to meet that three per cent and be their friends!)
After the “sermon” I stood around drinking coffee with my name tag which read Professional Schmoozer underneath my name. Rebecca had also just dropped in on the Unitarians as she made her rounds around the country replacing computers as part of the Year 2000 project for her veterinary hospital group. She asked me how old I was and I said 45- she was 33. Just then Angela came by signing people up for the Young Adult Group she and her friends were forming; she was probably about 27 herself (turned out to be 22). She said the group was for 18-35 year olds.
“Oh, I’m too old for that,”I said. “I’m pushing 50!”
“Oh right,” She said. “Just give me your phone number and address- you’re COMING!”
Rebecca just smiled up at me, then when Angela went away she said, “See? I didn’t give you away!”
“Well I tried to tell her,” I said. It reminded me of those scenes in the movie Crazy In Alabama where Melanie Griffith is carrying around her husband’s head in her hat box. Whenever anyone asks whats in the box she says “my husband’s head” and everyone thinks she’s joking. (Later Rebecca told me that thats how those church “young adult groups” implode: an older guy 34,35, whatever, will hit on the young chicks; they’ll be turned off and stop coming; then the younger boys will stop coming because there’s no girls; then NOBODY comes- Goodbye YAG! Well dammit I’m going to the first meeting- the new reborn 35 year old me!)
That night I called up Rebecca at her hotel and she agreed to meet me at Borders where Charley’s band was playing. We sat on the couch listening to the hilarious and talented musicians Yo Yo Pa. Somehow we started kissing, then made a general spectacle of ourselves for an hour or so. When the music wound down she asked if I wanted to go back to her hotel.
“I’ve got a couch there too,” she said.
“But whats going to happen without these fifty plus chaperones we’ve got here?” I asked. “Who’s going to be the sensible one? You?”
“Why do I always have to be the sensible one?!”
“Well I can be pretty sensible; in fact my therapist said I was too careful.”
We had a pretty fun time, pretty sensible time back at the Residence Inn.(I don’t think I’ve EVER been so eager to bury my face between a woman’s legs- must’ve been that blond pussy .) My favorite moment was when I was kissing her ear, caressing her breast and nipple with one hand while my other hand danced between her legs. She was screaming but suppressing it into a sighing, panting squeal-scream. Then she said, “You’re PERFECT”… I liked that.-
That’s almost exactly what happened to the “young adult group” at the church I was a young adult in. The cut-off was 25, but the 25s went for the 17s and it all got skeezy. Christians think they’re something special, but they’re just people, which is awful.
If there’s a sincere apology to be made, it’s only too late when the person you’d apologize to is dead.
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okay!
seahawks win!
on to the Super Bowl
congrats to dean…
(i was for the hawks today)-
I was for the Seahawks too, because now I’ll have the city to myself on February 8. Already making my plans for an uncrowded afternoon.
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Springsteen releases ‘Streets of Minneapolis,’ a song protesting ICE
The song is raw, but it’s a banger, in my opinion.
Is Springsteen still The Boss, though? Does anyone under 40 know who he is?
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