On any bus ride, there’s usually an old white bum in the sideways seats up front. Old white bums are more common than sane people, in the sideways seats. This particular bum was talking to himself a bit loudly, animated with hand gestures, but he wasn’t scary or dangerous or anything.
At the next stop, a 30-something redheaded black woman came onto the bus, and took the forward-facing seat directly in front of me. After she sat, I couldn’t see the front of her, but from a quick glance as she’d come aboard I’d thought she was a normal, sane lady. Then she started talking to herself, a bit loudly, but not scary or dangerous or anything.
The old white bum was talking about someone who’d done him wrong, and how disappointed he was: “I thought you were my friend, man. We go back so many years, but you done me rotten,” etc.
The redheaded black woman was all about Lakewood, a suburb south of Tacoma: “And you wanted to meet me someplace in Lakewood? Lakewood? Girl, I take the bus. Do you have any idea how long it takes to get from U District Seattle to Lakewood?” etc.
Those were their general gists, but both went off on side tangents, of course. By some quirk of human nature, they each tended to pause while the other was talking, and at one point their monologues almost synced into a strange conversation:
“You told me you’d be at the court, but when the day came I don’t know where you were.”
“I’m sorry, but Lakewood and back is an epic journey, a fuckin’ miniseries, and I ain’t doing it.”
“I mean, you said you’d be there. I was counting on you.”
“If you’re waiting for me to come to Lakewood, you’re gonna get old waiting, and then you’re gonna die…”
If I was a cell phone person, I might have taken a video, but I’m not and I didn’t, so that’s the whole story. There’s no punchline. No point to telling it except, obviously, that American needs universal mental healthcare.
The redheaded black lady was still babbling when she got off the bus. The old white bum kept talking, too, then got off a few stops later. After that, a random bum ten rows behind me started loony talking, or maybe he’d been loony talking the whole way, but now the bus was quiet enough to hear him…
3/31/2026
Leave a Reply