Today’s a sunny and otherwise swell day, and I was riding a bus to have a picnic in the park. What could possibly go wrong?
Preachers. Two of ’em.The first was in front of a grocery store, shrieking in Spanish about Jesus, through a 95 decibel speaker system. The bus stopped, the door opened for passengers, and we waited at a stop light long enough for the preaching to sour my mood.We left Spanish Jesus behind when the light changed, but a few blocks later we were at the bus depot, and another preacher was mid-histrionics. Everyone stepped off the bus and into another unwanted sermon, horrendously loud, this time in English. No thinking was allowed at the depot today, let me tell you.
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| CRANKY OLD FART #441 [archive] AUG. 1, 2024 |
My next bus came after only a few minutes, just as the headache began, and I started scribbling this before we were out of the sound of Christ.Jesus can bite my big one, but free speech is a beautiful thing. It’s OK by me if Christians want to babble their nonsense, any time, any place.My objection is to broadcasting their nonsense over loudspeakers in a public space. Nobody’s asked to hear it, but everyone within four blocks is battered by the gospel anyway.When I’m the world’s new benevolent ruler, it’ll be illegal to use amplifiers on the sidewalk.And now I’m at the park, eating the first of three cheese on rye sammiches, while still battling that preacher-induced headache.A souped up car roars by, its idiot driver revving the engine, so let’s also illegalize super-loud motor vehicles, under the same principle: You have no right to give people a headache.
From this picnic table, I can see the corner of a billboard for some brand of beer, so let’s ban billboards, too. No business has the right to pollute people’s eyeballs.Still chewing the cheese, I’m full of good ideas…Let’s start solving the climate emergency, by going after the industries and businesses that make their profits strangling the world — making and selling plastic bottles and packaging, and stinking & polluting cars, and coal and oil and aeronautics and on and on.Effective immediately, there’ll be a 25% tax on all corporate income derived from making or selling anything ungreen. And that tax goes up by another 10% (maybe more) with the turn of every new year.
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Money is the only language corporations and rich bastards understand, so tax the evil out of ’em, and watch the climate crisis slow and maybe even recede.Goes without saying, the funds raised by taxing these monstrous corporations go to public transit, and subsidies for alternative energy, and non-plastic packaging that lasts weeks, not lifetimes, etc.Now my sandwiches are eaten, so are the corn chips, but the daydream continues:Equal rights for everyone, and immediate expulsion from office for
any politician opposing equal rights. It’s a violation of their oath of office: “I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States…”
Same for judges and especially Supreme Court Justices, so 5 out of 9 in the nation’s highest court must be gone by tomorrow morning.
But wait, there’s more. When legislation is
found unConstitutional, any member of Congress who voted for that
legislation is booted from Congress, and replaced in a special election
within 60 days.Hey, this is fun. What else?America needs a bullshit fee: Any media that broadcasts or publishes inarguable falsehoods — the election was stolen! etc — gets fined 5% of their annual profits for every lie. In no time flat, Fox News and The Blaze and Daily Caller would be out of business, or start reporting the news.
All illegal drugs are legalized effective immediately, along with prostitution. “Land of the free,” right? Well, we’re not free if the law tells us what we can and can’t imbibe, and which consenting adults we can and can’t screw.
Tax the churches. Can I get an amen?
Free tuition for anyone, to any public college or university. Free and universal health care, including dental and mental and definitely including free abortions, cuz abortion is medicine.
Also, universal health care for pets.
Universal Basic Income — a regular check for every adult, just for being alive.
Put public education under federal control, so every school everywhere teaches the same curriculum and has the same amenities. No more rich schools and poor schools, no more public money for private schools, and no more wingnut school boards banning books and subjects.Unclutter the immigration process. Legal immigration should take weeks or months, not years or decades.
Free housing for anyone who needs it. Nothing fancy, but a room and a cot with meals must be available to all.Free day care, available 365/24/7.Safe and comfortable prisons, with genuine rehabilitation available. And we’ll fill those prisons with the highest-ranking executives of criminal corporations.Let’s have fast, frequent, and affordable Amtrak service between all cities of 100,000 or more, and stations in every city of 25,000 or more.
And gosh, all this will be expensive, so we tax the hell out of the rich.Welcome to a new improved America. _cleanup(1).jpg)
Meanwhile, in the shit-hole here and now… 
Climate activists glue themselves to a taxiway at Cologne-Bonn Airport, flights suspended Glued humans had the desired effect of briefly interrupting business
as usual, and if you’re sane and decent and worried about the world,
you gotta respect that.Still, almost any other strategy would be
less
painful and dangerous for the activists. Imagine being stuck to a
tarmac, unable to defend yourself from the cops in any way. Dunno about
Germany, but in America the cops would kick you in the balls, boobs,
and/or head.
“Not Donald Trump” is still what I like best about Kamala Harris, but from reading this article, Kamala Harris’s approach to criminal justice,
I’ve gained a better understanding of her time as San Francisco’s
District Attorney and California’s Attorney General, and I’m happier to
be voting for her than I was fifteen minutes ago.On the issues,
there’s no knowing whether she’s a fraction of an inch better or worse
than Joe Biden, but she’s better on presentation, saying the right thing
for this political moment. If she keeps it up, she might be able to
squeak out an election win against the dumbest, meanest, most flagrant,
flamboyant asshole who’s ever been president of these United States.• Harris goes on RuPaul’s Drag Race to urge viewers to vote • Harris calls Sonya Massey’s family (recent black person killed by cops) • Harris says she “will not be silent” on Gaza suffering while telling Netanyahu to get ceasefire deal done • Second Gentleman’s ex-wife fiercely defends Kamala Harris over JD Vance’s sexist “childless cat ladies” attack
Gov Gavin Newsom (D-California) issues executive order to remove homeless encampments throughout the state Republicans don’t have a monopoly on being cruel bastards rotten to the core.
Teenagers are accused of boosting $1 million from a Texas WalmartThe only bad news in that headline is that they got caught. Again I’ll say,
it is morally impossible to ‘steal’ from a giant corporation like
WalMart. They have no right to exist, so they have no moral claim to own
anything.
Tommie Smith’s famously raised fist at the 1968 Olympics is now a work of art
Courts close the loophole letting the feds search your phone at the border
Elon Musk’s daughter has serious balls
A wonderful example of the blistering stupidity of “growth for growth’s sake” 
Michigan outlaws the ‘gay and trans panic defense’ in criminal trials
Climate emergency: • Germans combat climate change from their balconies • Warning of a forthcoming collapse of the Atlantic meridional overturning circulation • The four hottest days ever recorded on Earth were all in the last week • We’ve discovered the world’s trees absorb methane – so forests are even more important in the climate fight than we thought • California still has no plan to phase out oil refineries … but there’s nothing to worry about, la di da, la di da.
The Republican road to fascism: • Trump doubles down on ominous election threat in creepy Fox interview • The violent implications of the “Jezebel” attacks on Kamala Harris • As President, Harris would “be like a play toy,” says Trump. “And I don’t want to say as to why. But a lot of people understand it.” • University of Alabama shutters diversity offices to comply with anti-black state law • Trump posts bonkers conspiracy theory the FBI knew about — or even ordered — assassination attempt • Texas woman’s lawsuit after being jailed on murder charge over abortion can proceed, judge rules
• Trump questions Harris’s blackness in disastrous appearance before National Association of Black Journalists• Kevin Roberts, architect of Project 2025, has close ties to radical Catholic group Opus Dei • Yes, yes, says Trump — Harris’s husband is a crappy Jew, he’s a horrible Jew!
• Inside the two-year fight to bring charges against school librarians in Granbury, Texas • JD Vance endorsed book calling left “unhumans,” written by Pizzagate conspiracy theorist
• At Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, it’s all about pushing the right-wing agenda• JD Vance called for “federal response” to block women from traveling for abortions • Texas sues Biden administration over confidential contraception for teens
All cops are bastards: • Police officers sure do fuck a lot of kiddies • Cop described fatal shooting of Black woman who’d called 9-1-1 for help as “self-inflicted” in initial dispatch • Police recruit who lost both legs in “barbaric hazing ritual” sues Denver, paramedics and officers • Hemet police shot 100 rounds when they killed an unarmed civilian, attorney says • Families seek answers after inmates’ bodies returned without internal organs • Former FBI agent avoids prison time after pleading guilty to destroying evidence • LAPD officer pleads no contest to falsely identifying people as gang members • Former Utah sheriff’s deputy kills himself after arrest for sexually abusing boys
⚡ LINKS FOR THINKS ⚡• My family were all Nazis. • Unpleasant design, on purpose • The dirt on Lillian Hellman • How the Sports Bra kicked off a women’s sports movement
⚰️ DEAD PEOPLE ⚰️Ismail al-Ghoul
journalistRami al-Rifi
cameramanJunro Anan
baseballer, Hiroshima CarpErica Ash
comedian, The Big Gay Sketch ShowBobby Banas
dancer, West Side StoryBob Booker
writer, The First FamilyAyden Rose Burt
teacherWilliam Calley
The one war criminal they caughtEddie Canales
activistGrace Davis
forgotten personRandy Kehler
Pentagon PapersLewis H Lapham
writer, publisher, Lapham’s QuarterlyKevin Eugene Lively
forgotten personFrancine Pascal
author, “Sweet Valley High” booksJames C Scott
anarchistDamon Spiller
forgotten personLorenzo Tobin
party-boat worker
8/1/2024 Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally
offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that’s made me
smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited. Tip ‘o the hat to the Anderson Valley Advertiser, Atomic Raunch, Bleepity-Bleep, Breakfast at Ralf’s, Dirty Blonde Mind, Ensalada de lengua de pajaritos, Jesus Is My Hostage, Lemmy.world, A Sudden Violent Jerk, Mr Souza’s Happy Place, Voenix Rising, and anywhere else I’ve stolen links, illustrations, or inspiration.Special thanks to Linden Arden, Becky Jo, Wynn Bruce,
Joey Jo Jo emeritus, Jeff Meyer, John the Basket, Dave S, Name Withheld, and always extra
special thanks to my lovely late Stephanie, who gave me 21 years and
proved that the world isn’t always shitty.
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