I’ve been working at Haugen & Dahl for a month and a half now, and still like it there. It’s not a fairy tale, though, and the shine is starting to wear off.
When I started, our ‘team’ was scattered all across the building, and interactions with most of my co-workers were rare, only a few minutes at a time. A few weeks ago, we were re-arranged so we’re all in the same clump of cubicles, and there’s still nobody I hate. It’s become clear, though, that two of my co-workers don’t like a third one. Have you met my co-workers? There’s Ramona, 30-something, almost always in good spirits, and amazingly helpful with customers when she’s on the phone. She’s the lady who answered all my rookie questions, and still does, although my questions are becoming fewer.There’s Brianna, 50-something, who’s a little brusque and has a New Yawk accent, and sometimes she’s funny. She’s buddies with Ramona, and they laugh a lot together.
There’s Kimmy, who’s 40-something, serious about the work, and never cracks a joke. She doesn’t seem to bother with office friendships, which probably makes her my most likely office friend. Or it would, but most days nobody gets anything out of me except good morning and good night.There’s also Peter, but he’s usually not involved in the drama, and he’s not involved in this story.Anyway, there’ve been some moments between these three women, in the few weeks I’ve been sitting close enough to overhear:① “You were very rude earlier,” Kimmy said sternly to Brianna.”What did I do that was rude?” Brianna asked, and I wondered too, eavesdropping from my cubicle. Whatever rudeness she meant, I hadn’t heard it.
“Look, it’s my time to answer phones right now,” Kimmy said. “We can discuss it tomorrow.””Well, harrumph to you too,” said Brianna, and I had to stifle what would’ve been a loud laugh.② A few mornings later, Kimmy announced loudly, “Is someone going to help with all this mail?””You do know my name,” said Brianna’s voice, “and I’m the only other person here.”Well, I was there too, but hidden in a different row of cubicles, plus I’m new and nobody’s shown me how to sort the mail yet. What Brianna meant was that Peter and Ramona weren’t in the office, so it’s kinda rude to complain, “Is someone going to help?” when there’s only one other “someone” there. And yeah, that’s rude. Even me with no social skills, I know that.
③ Here’s the best moment of Kimmy-Brianna drama, because Ramona got involved. Until this, I’d only seen Ramona’s sunny side.Kimmy was complaining again about something allegedly rude that Brianna had said, and Brianna said, “That wasn’t rude.””It’s not your words,” Kimmy explained, “it’s your tone.” Brianna said, “Hey, I’m from Brooklyn, I always talk like this.” And then Ramona, who hadn’t been involved in this at all, said from her cubicle, “You know, Kimmy, your tone could wilt flowers sometimes.”The whole office fell silent at that, so they all must’ve heard me giggling.But these ladies don’t seem to hold grudges. The day after that “wilt flowers” crack, all three of them were laughing over a difficult incoming phone call, and telling each other their plans for the weekend.It’s a chick thing — if they were men, there would’ve been profanities before and after “wilt flowers,” and long silent spells the next day.
There’s an increasingly annoying man who’s not in my department, but his cubicle is among ours, probably because his own department wants nothing to do with him.He sits very quietly at his desk, doing who the hell knows what work, but once or twice daily he’s on the phone, and you always know when he is, because he talks way, way too loud — triple the volume necessary. You’re sitting there doing your own work or lost in daydreams, and suddenly words come booming out from behind you — “I think that’s for the Shipping Department to handle,” and then silence again.He’s an older man — meaning, he’s the second-oldest man in the office, after me — and he attends meetings by Zoom from his desk. He doesn’t speak often but when he does it’s the voice of God. You can’t miss a word, anywhere on our side of the building.Just now it was, “That’s something Katie was working on,” and it scared the bubblegum down my throat. Ten minutes of silence, and then one sentence at 110 decibels. Let’s call him Boomer Esiason.One otherwise ordinary afternoon I was doing data entry and sucking a Jolly Rancher, when Mr Esiason suddenly said: “I was doing follow-up with a customer, and he said he was surprised that our customer service lines haven’t been outsourced to coolies in India.”What the hell did I just hear? And very, very loudly? Surely nobody in what’s a very diverse office would be using that word, and double-surely not at that volume. I had to Google it to be sure, but it means “an unskilled native laborer in India, China, and some other Asian countries,” and it’s flagged by Merriam-Webster as offensive.By the time I’d confirmed that, though, the moment had passed, and Boomer wears a suit, so he clearly outranks me. And anyway, I’m the new guy and carry no clout. Fifty people heard what he said, and I’m not going to be the one to confront him over a bad word.Unless he does it again, in which case I might. Maybe I’ll stand up and start hollering from my cubicle, and be instantly unemployed.
I blamed buses and bad traffic, and the boss nodded and said I could stay late to make up the time. But I shook my head no at that, which turned a two-minute talk about tardiness into an uncomfortable ten-minute conversation about my philosophy of work.I’m not sure the boss ever saw my point. Probably she thinks I’m trouble. I’ll tell you what I told her.
Haugen & Dahl pays me for 40 hours of work a week, and doesn’t pay me for the commute. That’s normal, for just about any job, and I ain’t complaining.The buses are not precise or terribly reliable, so every morning I catch an earlier bus than the schedules would suggest, so if my bus runs late or doesn’t show up at all, I still get to work on time. It sucks, but it’s part of the employment deal, and again, I ain’t complaining.On that particular morning, though, my first bus had never shown up, and the bus after the bus that never showed up had never showed up either, so I was already late to work by the time I got downtown. Then the bus from the city to the island moved at 3 miles an hour, because there was a wreck on the bridge.Most of the above I said to the boss, and her eyes barely rolled but she wasn’t enjoying it.”Is it the company’s fault?” She looked at me like I’m crazy.”Well, yes! We’re on an island in the middle of a lake. There’s no way to get here except the I-90 bridge, and on bad traffic days people will be late.”She again looked at me like I’m me, and eventually she said, “Well, try not to let it happen often.”To that, I made a shruggy-face. I try not to let it happen by taking that earlier bus every morning, like I’d said, but that’s the max I’m willing to do.She expected me to make up the hour, or deduct it from my time card, and I’m an easy going guy, honest, but — no. I’m old, and I’ve already taken a lifetime’s worth of work-related shit.I turned in a 40-hour time card, for working 39 hours, and if my paycheck isn’t a full forty, well, the job at Haugen & Dahl was easy to get, and I can get another.
News you need,
whether you know it or not• Australia climate change activists ‘halt’ coal train, 50 charged More of this, please. Lots more.• Wendy’s poisons allergic kids to get around complying with new safety regs • “Family policing system”: how the US criminalizes Black parenting • Cecil Adams has returned to The Straight Dope • Clarence Thomas’ mom definitely still lives in the house the billionaire bought • FTC threatens to go after snake oil companiesHow odd to see a federal agency doing the right thing. Probably it’s only a photo op and idle threat…• San Francisco opens long-term shelter on Treasure Island, for people with mental and drug issues Treasure Island is a windy and remote part of San Francisco, free from NIMBYs perhaps, but will drunks and addicts want to live there? The article quotes the Twitter feed of “a Tenderloin community activist and anti-drug advocate” who reports that people are eager to move to a rock in the middle of the Bay. I remain skeptical, but a facility on Treasure Island is better than the usual nothing.
• South Florida endures ‘life threatening’ floods • Climate change making “flash droughts” more common: study • Emerging livestock diseases – another unwanted climate change effect
• Police realized they might be at wrong house before killing man, video shows • Minneapolis agrees to pay $9M in Chauvin misconduct suits before George Floyd’s murder • Ex-deputies involved in Guardado shooting indicted federally in separate abuse case • Officers ignored man who died in NYPD precinct as he pleaded for help, girlfriend says • Another police officer pleads guilty to punching handcuffed man • DA won’t prosecute deputies in high-profile shootings of teens • Liberty Lake police officer arrested for 3 counts witness tampering, felony charge
• Conservatives are turning to a 150-year-old obscenity law to outlaw abortion • DeSantis signs Florida’s near-total ban on abortion • Missouri Republican who wants to ban trans healthcare defends 12-year-olds being married • Right-wing goes into meltdown mode because Bud Light gives actress a can of beer
Mystery links
There’s no knowing where you’re going• Click • Click • Click • Click • Click •
My browser history
without the porn• Leonard Cohen’s A Ballet of Lepers • Annals of the covert world: the secret life of shampoo
by Jeffrey St. Clair• Got kidney stones? Ride a roller coaster.
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♫♬ It don’t mean a thing ♫
if it don’t have that swing• Brown Eyed Girl — Van Morrison • Enter the Dragon — Lalo Schifrin • I’m Your Man — Leonard Cohen • Mother Earth — Sparks • Tubthumping — Chumbawamba
Eventually, everyone
leaves the building• Craig Breedlove • Burrito Drive • Virginia Norwood • Mary Quant
4/16/2023
Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a
kindness, along with anything off the internet that’s made me smile or
snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
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