Acme Amalgamated

How dumb is my boss? She's not actually my boss, but she's been working there since the Eisenhower administration so she's my 'lead' — the person I'm supposed to go to instead of my boss, if I have any questions about what I do. Thankfully, I have few questions, but when I do, believe me, my lead is as dumb as an empty Coke can.

For this story to work, you need to know the name of the company, but I work there and want to continue working there, so I can't tell you that. Instead let's fake-approximate the name of the company: It's two very generic words, like Acme Amalgamated.

So here's the story. This happened a while back, pre-COVID, so maybe a year ago. In our smallish company, Acme Amalgamated, whenever any department has a meeting they're supposed to send an email to everyone in the company, saying something like, "The Accounting Dept will be in a meeting from 2PM-3PM, please do not transfer any calls during this time."

Well, one of the workers in Accounting is a (genuinely!) funny guy, so when he sends his meeting emails to everyone, he always adds something funny or silly.

This guy sends a mass email that says, "The Accounting Dept will be off-phones from 2PM-3PM, as we celebrate the company's 75th anniversary. Yes, it was 75 years ago today that Bill Acme and Fred Amalgamated shook hands and started this fine business!"

He told the joke better than me, and included a picture of two 1940s businessmen shaking hands, with added text identifying them as William Acme and Frederick Amalgamated. That's more corny than funny, but by workplace standards it's hilarious.

An hour after the email my lead says to me, dead serious, "I didn't know this company was started by two men named Acme and Amalgamated. The things you learn!"

Dumb as an empty Coke can, I'm telling you. Diet Coke.



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