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Planning for retirement

I've been working for 46 years, at lots of different places, with a few weeks off now and then for vacations, or getting fired, or walking away from too much bullshit. I'm 60+, still working 40 hours a week. I have some money in the bank, but that's just an accident from getting paid more than I spend, because I'm cheap. It's not enough money to retire on, though, that's for sure.

Trading Thanksgiving Skypes and emails, the conversation went all over tarnation, and at one point my brother told us all about his retirement, which seems to be going splendidly. He has a cushy pension, and so does his wife, and they also have a well-funded retirement fund, and they live in a retirement community, playing billiards and pinochle with all the other retired people.

Then he asked me about my retirement plans, and I gave the answer I always give when the subject comes up: My retirement plan is to keep working until I can't work any longer, and then I'll either be dead or a ward of the state, if there's any difference between those two options.

No, this is not a crisis, or a plea for advice, and no salesmen better call. I'm not even complaining. I'm just telling you what I told my brother. Having no retirement plan is my plan, and has been my plan all along.

I am responsible or at least borderline responsible in most things, but I decided long ago that my retirement is someone else's problem, not mine. Same as my death — it blows my mind that some people actually pay for their own funerals and burials. What suckers! Your funeral is your last chance for a freebie, people.

When I can't work any more, if someone in my family offers to take me in, I'll consider it, maybe grit my teeth and do it. I'm not hesitating because I don't love 'em; I do love 'em, but I also love my privacy and like walking naked to the toilet, and I probably can't do that if I'm staying with my niece.

If nobody in my family wants me around, well, I can't hardly blame them for that. I wouldn't want me around, to be honest. If that's what happens, there are rumors of a safety net, and if I fall through a hole in the net, no worries, I've been homeless before.

In answer to my brother's question, that's my retirement plan. No IRA for me, and no 401K, no retirement community, and no fraction of a living income from Social Security. My involuntary retirement might be an adventure, might be ugly, but I'm hoping it's still a ways in the future. Meanwhile, I'm still working and still having fun on the weekends, so what do I care?

 

itsdougholland.com 

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