Please don't call.

My writing is usually longwinded, but believe it or not, some of it gets edited out. When I gave my car to Habitat for Humanity, for example, I didn't mention that Habitat was actually my second choice.

First, I'd planned on giving the car to KEXP, the non-commercial rock'n'roll station that's Seattle's only consistently listenable point on the dial.

I'd gone to their website and filled out a long form with every known factiod about the car — year, make, model, serial number, color, license plate, odometer, dents, dings, rust, etc. It took twenty minutes or so, and then I added the note I always add for everyone: Please don't call, because I never answer the phone. Text or email instead.

Then I clicked 'submit', and the website said someone would text or email to arrange a time to tow the car away. They texted promptly, but the text asked me to call, because they had a few more questions.

It was the next morning before I saw the text, early, but the message said they'd be open. I had ten minutes before I had to leave for work, and whatever their questions were, it couldn't take that long, could it? So I called.

Quite quickly they connected me with a nice lady who thanked me for donating my car, and said she needed to verify some of the information. She asked the car's year. She asked the car's make. She asked the car's model. She asked the car's serial number, which I didn't have in front of me so instead I said, "Are you going to ask me every damned question I already answered online?"

That question was answered with silence, so perhaps I'd offended her, or perhaps the call simply got disconnected by fate. Doesn't matter — I had a bus to catch.

When I came home, they'd texted again, and again asked me to call. Instead I filled out a similar form at Habitat for Humanity's website.

Same as KEXP, Habitat said they'd be in touch to arrange a time to tow the car away, but when Habitat texted me, it really was to arrange a time to tow the car away. Then they came and towed the car away.

Still have no idea what was going on with the radio station, but when someone wants to give you something, you ought to make it easy, not difficult.

♦ ♦ ♦

After editing all that out, I'm posting it a month later because KEXP has been calling every two weeks or so, presumably to ask my ex-car's serial number and finish playing twenty questions. That's just a guess, though — like I told 'em, I never answer the phone.

They called again yesterday, and instead of answering or returning their call, I've written it as an amusing anecdote. It's amusing for me, anyway; your odometer and serial number may need to be confirmed.

I still like the radio station, and any time you're in the metro area, I wholeheartedly recommend 90.3, KEXP. In my previous life in Seattle, I was a donor to KEXP, and maybe I'll be a donor again.

Meanwhile, I'm a persnickety dick, and I'll let them keep calling for as long as it takes them to stop calling.



  1. Why do I need a resume if you're gonna ask me all the same shit in the application?

    1. Because the documents perform different functions as you well know. If you're applying to pump gas like Lowell George, you don't need a resume. Just fill out the application. If you're applying to be Chancellor of Huxley University, you might need a resume to get an interview, after which they might ask you to fill out a fairly comprehensive application that askes some of the questions that were answered on your resume. You could refer them to the resume, but they might then tell you to go apply to Darwin. Life works the way life works and picking your battles is a good think to learn when you're young.


    2. Well, I'm old and unlearned that shit. Looking for work these days, I've landed at two websites that needed me to type in my employment history AFTER I'd uploaded my résumé, and that's an instant no for me.

      It's a company telling me up front that they don't value my time or my life, and they don't read the docs they require me to send. They're saying, we're a bullshit place to work, and I appreciate the announcement.

      But I'm looking for a non-bullshit job, at least while there's still a month's rent in the bank.

  2. Habitat for Humanity and KEXP are both worthy recipients. HfH's donations department is a well-trained college-educated group of MBAs and salespeople who have shaken hands with Jimmy Carter or know someone who has. KEXP's donations department is the nice lady you talked to. You couldn't have made a bad choice, so the question is whether you made the right choice for you. I know the questions: I just don't know the answers.


    1. I haven't had any answers for a long time. I would've rather given the car to the radio station, but that lady made me cranky and I gotta be true to my inner asshole.

    2. It's just a car: metal, glass and plastic, and I know what you mean by being true to yourself. But in the year or two we've been amigos, I remain unconvinced the guy inside is an asshole. He strikes me as a guy of supreme decency. Maybe not supreme patience, but supreme decency.

      Fuck the car -- let's go bowling.


    3. Yeah, I do think I'm a decent guy and thanks for agreeing, but it's my own standards I hold myself up to, which some or many would be aghast at.

  3. If you have to be a persnickety dick at least you're an amusing one.


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