Reduce your cell phone bill by 100%

Someone I vaguely know and don't particularly like mentioned in passing that he's paying "just $79 a month" for his cell phone bill. From his tone of voice, he clearly thought this price was a steal. Yeah, it's a steal, all right, and he paid hundreds of dollars for the phone.

My phone is wired to the wall, except it's usually unplugged because I get grumpy when it rings. It costs $19.99 p/month, which seems expensive, and I could probably find a better deal. That price includes unlimited long distance, which appeals to my frugal soul even though I've only made three or four long distance calls in the past few years.

I'm also paying $6 p/month for a cell phone, after buying it for $45. It's always in the car, because my Chevy is almost old enough to vote and occasionally I need to call AAA and have it towed. As an added feature for no extra charge, my cell phone can't handle voice mail or text messages, and doesn't connect to wi-fi.

I don't carry a smart phone, because I don't need to be entertained everywhere I go, monitoring my heart rate, reading or sending instant messages, or checking the Facebook account I've never signed up for and never will. Any photos I care about are on a thumb drive.

Maybe I'm an idiot, and my life would be exponentially more fulfilling if I bought a $900 LG V60 ThinQ 5G and started Tweeting from the toilet instead of reading an old-fashioned printed-on-paper newspaper while pooping? Maybe I should get perpetually connected, have the internet in my pocket, hang out with everyone on SnapChat and Instagram and LinkedIn, take FitBit with me on walks, and let Mint balance my checkbook?

Nah. I'll stay in the Stone Age, and tell the Flintstones you said hello.



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