At the life insurance company where I work, the work is processing newly-purchased policies. I’ve been at this job for years, but never seen anything quite like this before:
It’s a $50,000 insurance policy, purchased with a $500 down-payment and monthly payments of $74.12. From those numbers, obviously, the person buying this policy is not rich. Our company will take anyone’s money, and this particular type of policy is marketed to people on a budget.
The beneficiary — the person who will receive a payoff check when the customer passes away — is Donald J. Trump. On the line where the applicant lists how he’s related to the beneficiary — father, son, spouse, etc — our customer wrote, “President of the United States.”
It’s long been obvious that most of Trump’s supporters are stupid, but how mentally deprived does someone have to be, to purchase a life insurance policy payable to Donald Trump?
And there are a few problems with this. First, a policy’s beneficiary is required to be someone in your family, or a friend, or a charity.
For this reason, the policy was held up for a few days, as we contacted the selling agent, who had the policy-owner revise and initial the application. The beneficiary is still Donald Trump, but “President of the United States” has been crossed out, and replaced with the word, “friend.”
Which is bullshit, of course. President Trump is not friends with someone whose listed occupation is assistant manager of a body shop in Nashville. Friendship is not something an insurance company can verify, though, so we’ve issued the policy.
Now, a remarkably stupid man in Nashville is going to pay $74.12 every month for what’s probably the rest of his life — he’s 55 years old, and it’s a 20-year payment-plan.
It gets nuttier, though. After the policyholder passes away, my company doesn’t simply mail a check. There’s no payout until someone — in this case, Donald Trump — files a claim.
Since Trump doesn’t know this schmoe in Tennessee, nothing will happen until long after the schmoe’s death. It’s five years, I believe, before our Death Audit Department starts matching the beneficiaries on inactive policies with the national database of dead people.
When the evidence suggests that Mr Schmoe is dead, we’ll mail a form letter to the the former President, which begins, “Please accept our condolences,” and ends by asking him to fill out some paperwork, sign it, and return it to our office. Then we mail the check.
It’s not a difficult procedure, but when the letter comes, will one of Trump’s assistant’s assistants ask him to sign the form? There’s $50,000 if he does, but that’s not even Big Mac money for Trump.
If Trump’s office doesn’t respond, then this poor, hard-working but utterly deluded Trump true-believer in Tennessee is paying $74 p/month for the rest of his life, in exchange for nothing.
Republished: 7/28/2023
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