$50,000 for Donald Trump

At the life insurance company where I work, I'm processing newly-purchased policies. I've been at this job for years, but I've never seen anything quite like this before:

It's a $50,000 insurance policy, purchased with a $500 down-payment and monthly payments of $74.12. From those numbers, obviously, the person buying this policy is not rich. Our company will take anyone's money, and this particular type of policy is marketed to people on a budget.

The beneficiary — the person who will receive a payoff check when the customer passes away — is Donald J. Trump. On the line where the applicant lists how he's related to the beneficiary — father, son, spouse, etc — he wrote, "President of the United States."

It's long been obvious that most of Trump's supporters are stupid, but how mentally deprived does someone have to be, to purchase a life insurance policy payable to Donald Trump?

And there are a few problems with this.

First, a policy's beneficiary is required to be someone in your family, or a friend, or a charity.

For this reason, the policy was held up for a few days, as we contacted the selling agent, who had the policy-owner revise and initial the application. The beneficiary is still Donald Trump, but "President of the United States" has been crossed out, and replaced with the word, "friend."

Which is bullshit, of course. President Trump is not friends with someone whose listed occupation is assistant manager of a body shop in Nashville. Friendship is not something an insurance company can verify, though, so we've issued the policy.

Now, a remarkably stupid man in Nashville is going to pay $74.12 every month for what's probably the rest of his life — he's 55 years old, and it's a 20-year payment-plan.

A second problem: After the policyholder passes away, my company doesn't simply mail a check. Someone needs to file a claim — in this case, Donald Trump.

We'll mail a form letter to the the former President, which begins, "Please accept our condolences," and ends by asking him to fill out some paperwork, sign it, and return it to our office. Then we mail the check. 

It's not a difficult procedure, but Trump doesn't know the person buying this policy. The name will mean nothing to him. 

When the letter comes, will one of Trump's assistant's assistants ask him to sign the form? There's $50,000 if he does, but that's not even Big Mac money for Trump.

If Trump's office doesn't respond, then this poor, hard-working but utterly deluded Trump true-believer in Tennessee is paying $74 p/month for the rest of his life, in exchange for nothing.

12/23/2020   
Republished: 7/28/2023  

14 comments:

  1. "A fool and his money are soon parted."

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    1. I think it is kind of sweet actually.

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    2. Yeah, I can see that — like a retarded person writing a will and leaving everything to the Easter Bunny or something.

      Might've been worth a few paragraphs and a better article if the sweet angle had occurred to me, but I'm more of a savory guy.

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  2. I think that last comment was intentionally fucked up by the Googs for Trump cartel at Google. What I was trying to say is . . .

    "Sweet" doesn't quite describe the emptiness of a life in which, at 55, all that's left is dying. I'm older and I'm pretty focused on living. What we're dealing with here seems to me to be a macabre, wasted fascist death wish. The good die young -- the mediocre postpone action until death, then spin the big wheel hoping against hope that their life will have meaning ex post facto.

    jtfb

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    Replies
    1. The guy in the article? He's a Republican so he's a fascist, evil not mediocre, and you're probably right about macabre and death wish. But he bought a life insurance policy, something I haven't done.

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    2. $400 for cremation and twenty bucks for a broom to tidy up the remains. Pardon my dust.

      jtb

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    3. Hey, those are pretty good prices. Sign me up.

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    4. Well, that's what it cost for the last family cookout, but that was at least 20 years ago. I'd double it and hope for the best. Prices might vary in your zip code.

      jtb

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    5. Then of course, there's the maintenance. Described here eloquently by Lightnin' Hopkins. See that my grave is kept clean.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e89fwZ_090w

      jtb

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    6. Nice song, fine performance.

      "See That My Grave is Kept Clean" seems a normal sentiment, but it's never been mine. d'Fuque do I care whether my grave is clean or shat upon? I'll be gone.

      Anyway, I've asked my fam to cremate me, though I know they won't.

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    7. I think for wandering musicians like Lightnin' who rarely had a pot to piss in and sometimes didn't have a place to sleep, the only wishes that could be granted were those which involved little or no cost -- just time. I know you haven't lived a life of luxury, but you've had jobs that paid a wage and a room of your own. Asking people to whom he was singing to sweep and tend his grave was a small ask from a wonderful singer, and it was all he asked.

      And pay an attorney $200 to retype your simple will and file it and give a copy to your family. They probably don't think of themselves as lawbreakers. Maybe they'll cook you up.

      jtb

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    8. Oh, my. I hadn't though of filing a will.

      ...

      OK, now I've thought of it, but nothing I own has any value but sentimental, and only to me, so I think I'll save the $200. :)

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  3. There used to be a storefront law practice or two in central Seattle staffed by volunteer attorneys. Maybe when Seattle went to hell they hitched a ride. I would point out that the pleasure wouldn't all be deferred until you couldn't experience it. Every time you saw them you could chuckle to yourself and recreate the scene of them reading the will in your fertile mind. We need to find pleasure wherever we can and it's getting harder.

    John

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