Please adjust your fine tuning.

From Pathetic Life #4
Saturday, September 10, 1994I’ve been feeling poorly for days, so like a good sicko I stayed in bed all day. Overdosed on vitamin C, read lots of zines and about ⅓ of Les Miserables, until the book began to bore me. Everyone says it’s a great novel, so I tried, but — Victor Hugo, my ass. The protagonist is too ceaselessly righteous to be believed.

And along the same intravenous vein, let’s look at a few brief snippets from the zine’s mailbag over the past few days:“… As I read more of your journal, I begin to worry that you might be considering suicide. That’s no answer, Doug …”
—Aaron Jacobs“… I hope the keeps you from putting your head in the oven one night…”
 —Jeff Koyen, Crank
… Just remember, Doug, there’s no easy way out, and some of us really care …”
—Phillip“I don’t know if ‘enjoy’ is quite the right word for my feelings about a zine with as much pain in it as yours, but I’m fascinated by it …”
—Arthur D. Hlavaty, Derogatory ReferenceThis is becoming a recurring theme, so let’s put an end to it, pronto. This is my life, folks. It’s not The Brady Bunch. I have few friends and keep my family at a distance because I prefer the space. I live in a hovel because it’s cheap, and leaves more money for movies and ham sandwiches. This is the life I’ve chosen for myself, and I’m generally quite pleased with it.I reserve the right to get depressed now and then, but nothing here is a frantic plea for help, honest. If it comes off as some kind of suicidal wall-to-wall woe-is-me, please adjust your fine tuning and enjoy the angst, as I do. I’m about as happy as a hermit can be, but SWEET JESUS WHERE’S MY PROZAC?

This
is an entry retyped from an on-paper zine I wrote many years ago,
called
Pathetic Life. The opinions stated were my opinions then, but
might not be my opinions now. Also, I said and did some disgusting
things, so parental guidance is advised.

Pathetic Life
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4 responses to “Please adjust your fine tuning.”

  1. Peter D. Avatar
    Peter D.

    I'm unsure what it means to adjust your fine tuning. according to Google its a term from physics?

    1. Doug Holland Avatar

      On old-style TVs, you changed the channel by turning a knob that clicked into place for channel 7, channel 8, etc. If the reception wasn't quite clear, you could also twist a different dial that would "fine-tune" your rabbit-ear reception.

      I am so old I have to explain the jokes and cultural references. Maybe we need a glossary in the sidebar, for people under 50.

  2. Captain Hampockets Avatar
    Captain Hampockets

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CtjhWhw2I8

    This is what it means, to me.

    1. Doug Holland Avatar

      That show was a favorite of mine. It deserves the same respect as Twilight Zone.

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