Codeine and doobie

Feeling fairly crappy, I called the dentist again, and again left a message telling anyone who’s listening (is anyone listening?) that I’m infected where the tooth came out. Moderate agony here, and the pain pills are running low. Please call me back or just call the pharmacy and get me a prescription for antibiotics. I was electronically promised, "Your call will be returned shortly," but again, my call was not returned shortly. 

I also called my doctor from Kaiser-Permanente, and left a message there. They also promised that my call would be returned shortly. That call has also not been returned. 

Yeah, I know, it’s Sunday, but the doctor and dentist’s messages didn’t say anything about the weekends. The doctor’s machine says, call 9-1-1 and go to the emergency room if it’s an emergency. Well, yeah. Of course. 

But I’m not doing that. Not until I’m closer to death, sorry. Non-lawyers can’t comprehend much from the four-page small-print basically-bullshit contract Kaiser-Permanente sent when I'd earned "coverage," but I found the words "emergency room" directly adjacent to something saying I’m responsible for the cost incurred. 

Instead I continued bathing the infection in generic Bactine, taking the pain pills (only two remain), and taking aspirin. I also did some doobie, because I’ve read that it helps deaden pain, and ate a lot of ice cream. The ice cream serves no medicinal purpose, just tastes good, but that’s important, too. 

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Speaking of useless phone messages, do you remember the phone tag my mother and I were playing? She kept calling and saying simply, “Please call me,” which is not like her at all. Usually when she calls and gets my machine, she talks and talks and talks. 

I kept returning her calls, and getting her answering machine, so I’d say, “I called back. Whatever you keep calling me about, please leave a message on my machine.” 

And then she’d call me back, and simply say to my machine, “Please call me.” 

After six rounds of this it pissed me off, and I quit calling back. After that, Mom quit calling. Now it’s been weeks since I heard from her, so today I called her number, and she answered, and we talked until I ran out of quarters for the phone booth. And she’s fine. Nobody was sick. Nobody’s died. 

“Well, why did you keep calling, Mom, and keep saying, ‘Please call me’?” 

“Oh, no reason,” she said. “I just miss your voice, and wanted to talk.” 

 ♦ ♦ ♦ 

Felt lightheaded. Took a long nap. Woke up wet, but wet with sweat this time, not rain like yesterday. It’s mostly stopped raining. Generally I'm miserable, but what the hell, I’m going to the movies. 

Packed the backpack with candy, water, and codeine I wish was cocaine, and BARTed to Berkeley for a noir double feature at the Elmwood — free with one of my Forrest Gump memorial passes. 

Key Largo (1948) is Humphrey Bogart at his best, and Bogey's best is basically the best. We’re at a small resort in lovely Florida, but a hurricane is coming, and so are some bad guys. Lauren Bacall simmers on the side like delicious green beans with slivered almonds, and Edward G Robinson is Edward G Robinson, nuff said. There’s a subplot that’s racially insensitive by present-day standards, but the movie was made almost fifty years ago, what did you expect? 

Casablanca (1942) is simply one of the greatest films ever made, and there’s nothing new I can say about it. If you haven’t seen it, or for that matter Key Largo, you don’t squat about good movies.

The theater seems to have solved its sound problem of a week ago, but now there’s another grave problem. The popcorn was far too salty. 

 ♦ ♦ ♦ 

Home. Ate a little. Tired. Mouth hurts. Took more happy pills. Took more aspirin. Smoked more pot. Went to bed. Obviously I'm alive to type the tale, but I am not having a good time.

From Pathetic Life #6
Sunday, November 6, 1994

This is an entry retyped from an on-paper zine I wrote many years ago, called Pathetic Life. The opinions stated were my opinions then, but might not be my opinions now. Also, I said and did some disgusting things, so parental guidance is advised.


Pathetic Life 

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  1. Yeah...woke up felt fine. Tripped over my cowboy boot...still felt fine. Sat down at my desk...felt fine. Stood up...did not feel fine

    1. It's your back, I assume? Backs can be bastards.

      "Got drugs?"

    2. Yes, my back.

      Turns out if you are stretching your back and you feel some pain, but youre not sure if its a good pain or a bad pain so you just go all in on the stretch and hear a pop...not a good pain or a good pop

      DRugs I got some advil and Biofreeze...that Biofreeze stuff....amazing

      Smell like a tin of wintergreen chaw, but small price to pay

    3. I'm researching Biofreeze now. Never heard of it. Good reviews on Amazon, and you're telling me it works?

    4. Works great its like icy hot but different? Im not sure how to describe its effects other than...fricken sweet

    5. Smells mentholly, I'm guessing?

      I don't suppose they make it unscented — the menthol is why it works, right?

      $12 for 2-1/2 ounces. I just posted a question to Amazon, "Does anyone make a cheaper generic knockoff," cuz I might want this stuff, but I am a cheap bastard.

    6. youre not cheap. youre smart. I have no knockoff info lol

    7. I have a few redeeming traits, but I ain't smart.

    8. I have to find a way to use 175 hours of PTO by january .

      I want to go to Morocco.

      or Iceland.

      Possibly Ireland.

      Lets take a look and see where i can go with my bank account.

      Nevermind...looks like I will be walking to taco bell and ordering water.

    9. Taco Bell and water sounds like a fine vacation to me. Wish someone else was buying, though.

    10. No no, there will be no tacos. A glass of water is .10 or if they pitty you...free

      But I plan on suplimenting the water with all the free sauce packets i can stuff in my pockets

    11. Those free sauce packets are good, and free. I used to squeeze 'em onto generic Cheerios, which was not bad, honest, without milk.

    12. I used to eat it on my frozen pizza.

      now i liberally add it to veggies, becasue they are bland and I cant eat garlic

    13. I have a spice mix I've mixed just for bland (frozen then microwaved) vegetables, but it has garlic powder, so for you it would be a no-no.

      A giant bowl of veggies, though, makes a great snack, for only 100 calories or so.

    14. Yeah if you like garlic I have this super tasty veggie sprinkle but its like lemon and garlic...i accidentally ate it almost died but it was so tasty. Yours if you want it

      and its healthy

    15. Sure, I'll take it, just to keep you safe if you're allergic! Send it to my PO box.

      I can eat three or four bowls of spiced frozen microwaved veggies and it's filling and hardly even counts toward the belly roll.

    16. You bet! Will send it when i find a box lol.

      I love some smashed brussel sprouts and stuffed spagetti squash,

    17. Brussel sprouts do not microwave well, though.

      Stuffed spaghetti squash? You stuff spaghetti into squash?

    18. No they do not! BUT If you take them from the microwave and smash them down flat and then bake them and sprinkle some low fat cheese on it....heaven..

    19. Yes. So you cut the squash in half. Take out the seeds and non edible stuff grease the pan with some olive oil and place it on the pan face down cook for 45-50 minutes. While its cooking brown hamburger or sausage.

      Then when it comes out stuff with yout protein and cheese then put back in the oven and bake,

    20. I don't have much squash experience and I'm never going to make something that complicated, but isn't squash really firm before being baked? Squashing squash is hard work ...

    21. no you are squashing the brussel sprouts not the squash!!!

    22. Ah, got it. With hamburger or sausage and cheese. Maybe yum. Someone else has to do the cooking though.

  2. LOL okay so 2 seperate things lol



    this is a good recipe to use when you dont like microwaved sprouts

    microwave them to steam them, then smash them with a spatula, then bake them.

    its the cats ass.

    1. Is that a good thing, the cat's ass? It doesn't sound yummy, though I suppose it would be quite clean.

    2. cats ass is just a saying.

      spagetti squash is very filling and literally tastes whatever you season it to taste like so its super versatile.

      might be perfect, really.

      Also...try grilling it its amazing.

    3. People tell me I'm cuckoo, but I don't understand the appeal of pasta. Just soooooooo many empty calories, and not much flavor except the butter and sauce you add.

      Some of the sauces are great, so pour that sauce onto vegetables or fruit or jello, anything better than pasta.

    4. I dont like it either, but mac and cheese....I will destroy a pan of that

    5. Hope you like! I love!

      Solid meat sauce with mushrooms...mmmm get in my belly

      why is food so good

    6. Indeed, why is food so good?

      I could drop 50 pounds like that (snaps fingers) if food always tasted shitty.

    7. We should take up smoking, that dulls the taste buds...

    8. My problem is I have zero control over want, when it comes to food.

      Like if i see a bag of chips. Without even thinking I eat it.

      If i see it know its there....i cant stop thinking about it until i eat it.

      then i feel sad that i ate it and eat more.

      stupid stupid stupid

      Nothing works to curb the behavior either.

    9. You’re not stupid. We're among the many victims of what a warped food-conglomerate and ad-campaigns and all the other ills of western civilization have done to us.

      I'm the same way. I bought a sack of popcorn, so I've been popping and eating popcorn all day. For me, the only way to not pop and eat that whole sack of popcorn is to not buy the popcorn at the store, which I usually try to do but failed yesterday, so today I’m having a popcorn feast.

    10. Yeah Im the same way like I go to the BF house and he has ALL the things that I dont need to be eating.


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