The cape that wears me

Spent my morning at a few book stores, and then at the library, looking for I'm not sure what. Sometimes I find it, but not today. I'll keep looking.

♦ ♦ ♦

I knew I wasn't the shop's only flyer-boy, but I'd never met the guy who wears the cape and mask on days I'm not there, until today. He worked the morning shift and I worked in the afternoon and evening, so we briefly bumped insect heads, and with his head off I thought he looked familiar…

Small world, as they say — he recognized me, too. He's an actor, with a small role in Dahlia's play. We talked about the play, and since he's an actor I asked if he used "the method" when he wears the green cape. He didn't know what "the method" was.

When I ran out of things to say, I mentioned that I was supposed to get a free ticket to the play. It was part of my deal with Dahlia — I got paid to type the script, and as a fringe benefit, there was supposed to be a ticket for the show.

He said he'd mention it to her, so maybe I'll be seeing a play. Look at me, getting all cultured and shit!

♦ ♦ ♦

It was a nice night out, so I walked halfway home before my feet got tired and I caught a bus.

While I was walking, I passed in front of a by-the-slice pizzeria, and they had a guy standing in front of the restaurant wearing a full body pizza costume, his legs emerging from the crust and his head poking through toward the top, where a slice of pepperoni might be. He was handing out flyers for the pizza shop, and urging people to come inside.

That's my job, too, almost exactly. Or at least, it's one of my jobs. We could be in the same union, if we had a union. I took one of his flyers, and said thanks.

All my life, I remember seeing people doing that work and thinking, it's gotta be the worst job in the world. Perfect for cokeheads and the otherwise brain damaged, maybe, but how can a grown-up adult with any self-respect do work like that? It's the one job in the world worse than working at Macy's — and now it's my job, same as the pizza guy.

But you know what? I seriously enjoy it. Don't want to make it my career, but most days wearing the insect head and handing out flyers is fun. Me and outfit go well together. 

Like some smiley guy taught me on the sidewalk a month or so ago... Namu myōhō renge kyō.

From Pathetic Life #11
Tuesday, April 25, 1995

This is an entry retyped from an on-paper zine I wrote many years ago, called Pathetic Life. The opinions stated were my opinions then, but might not be my opinions now. Also, I said and did some disgusting things, so parental guidance is advised.


  1. Someone commented that there aren't many comments on the Pathetic Life pages. I have a comment.

    It's weird to read someone's diary/zine from the 1990's but some days they're amusing, some days they're less so, and some days they're excellent and I read it twice, like this one.

    Thank you Doug, and please keep posting these.

    1. This one is good, but my favorite recent one was the hypnotism and past lives, really cracked me up what people believe.

    2. Compliments, man. I never know what to say. Shucks. Thanks.


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