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The damage deposit

I always intend to call my mother every weekend, and actually call her once a month or so. Before dialing, I need to be in exactly the right mood and mental space, but nothing could prepare me for yesterday's opening remarks. Her phone ID'd me, and Mom answered the phone: "I prayed that you would call me today. God does answer prayers!"

It had been two weeks since I last called, and she had no breaking news to be related. 

#120

Monday,
March 21, 2022


When I asked, she said she'd been praying that I'd call every day since my last call. I said, "And did I call every day?"

"No," she said, "but today you called, praise the Lord."

"Maybe God didn't do anything — same as yesterday," I said. "But today Doug called."

"And praise the Lord!"

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I've heard tall tales, even from people I trust, about landlords returning the damage deposit. Never seen it with my own eyes and wallet, but I do believe it happens, like the face of Christ appears on burnt toast.

Moving out of my first few apartments, I put some serious effort into cleaning those places. I vacuumed the carpet, repaired holes in the drywall, scrubbed the sinks and toilets and walls, etc. All for naught, as I saw not a penny from the damage deposit.

Same with my next apartment, same with every apartment I've ever rented.

Eventually, even a slow learner learns that the damage deposit isn't really a deposit in case of damages to the apartment. It's the fee for moving in, and same as the monthly rent, you'll never see that money again. 

So now, when I say I'm packing and cleaning the apartment, it's a baseline clean. I swept the basement storage room, not because it was required, but because it was such a catastrophe when I started clearing the clutter, I wanted to see it pristine at the end. I'll sweep and mop the bedroom, because there's loose cat litter and cat vomit on the floor. I gave the stovetop a scrubbing yesterday, because it was soooo horrendous with years of baked-on griz, it would've basically been a middle finger to the landlord if it'd left it as it was.

This landlord has been OK, and doesn't deserve the finger, but I'm not scrubbing the sink, not vacuuming the carpet, and definitely not washing the walls. Not taking down the mirror I stupidly superGlued to the bedroom door. Not washing the windows nor cleaning the blinds. Everything will be less tidy than when we moved in, but it's been a lot of years and there's no damage deposit at stake, so screw it.

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And now, my internet history from yesterday, minus the porn…  

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Scientists astonished by heatwaves at north and south poles

This could be the opening of a sci-hi/horror movie, but like everything else about climate change, it'll only be fodder for a few politicians' speeches, and otherwise ignored.

Startling heatwaves at both of Earth’s poles are causing alarm among climate scientists, who have warned the "unprecedented" events could signal faster and abrupt climate breakdown.

Temperatures in Antarctica reached record levels at the weekend, an astonishing 40 degrees above normal in places.

At the same time, weather stations near the north pole also showed signs of melting, with some temperatures 30 degrees above normal, hitting levels normally attained far later in the year.

This is why the world as we've known it is doomed: Warnings of climate change have accumulated but been ignored for decades — thank you sir, may I have another? — and we haven't even opened a Museum of Accumulated Warnings.

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Republicans promise endless stupid bullshit if they retake Senate 

It's an overpowering indictment of Democrats, that Americans still consider the Republican Party an option.

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Capitalists get their asses knitted and then handed back to them. 

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Vimeo is telling creators to suddenly pay thousands of dollars — or leave the platform 

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Ukrainian soldier moves to trademark "Russian warship, go fuck yourself" because of course

A message to Ukraine? Cosmonauts wear yellow and blue flight suits for trip to space station 

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Rocking horses in retirement 

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A shrunken burrito stand 

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Is this an intriguing new artistic interpretation of a classic rock song, or merely the worst cover ever recorded? I give you, "25 or 6 to 4," by Ada.

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One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...

climate
cops
cops
cops
cops
cops
Republicans
Republicans
Rikers 

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 Mystery links  — Like life itself, there’s no knowing where you’re going:


    
         

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♫♬  Sing along with Doug  ♫
"All That" — Sparks
 
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3/21/2022 
 
Cranky Old Man is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
 
Tip 'o the hat to All Hat No Cattle, Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
 
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S., and always Stephanie...

12 comments:

  1. Captain HampocketsMarch 21, 2022 at 10:17 AM

    Y'know, Doug, your mom *fascinates* me. I almost wish I could have made the Seattle trip with you, just so I could meet her. I'm tactful, polite, and respectful, and can control my prolific swears when needed, so it would have been fine. But damn, you really fucking escaped some cult-like upbringing.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >I've heard tall tales, even from people I trust, about landlords returning the damage deposit. Never seen it with my own eyes and wallet, but I do believe it happens, like the face of Christ appears on burnt toast.

    I feel like I have been very, very lucky. We've ALWAYS had full damage deposit returned, as far as I can recall. Maybe I just had good landlords. There are, or at least are IN CALIFORNIA, actual regulations about what can be deducted. IIRC, the landlord can't deduct from your deposit if the carpet is damaged, if it's older than 7 years, for example. (I'm not a lawyer, that may be simplifying the case.) Maybe you'll get lucky.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    >This is why the world as we've known it is doomed: Warnings of climate change have accumulated but been ignored for decades

    I saw this on /r/collapse on Reddit yesterday. My sarcastic comment :

    "If only someone, somehow, could have warned us for the last fucking half-century. God, if we had only known, we could have prevented this."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    That Goldwater quote has been a favorite of mine for years. It ranks up with

    "If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament," attributed to various people, sometimes Florynce Kennedy.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florynce_Kennedy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Re Mom, I am obviously too damned patient, and I kick myself for it. Moving in with her, even temporarily, and then living just a few miles away, I sure hope I'll lose my temper sometime soon.

      Yeah, I know there are landlord/tenant laws, but most of my landlords ignore them unless it's a law in their favor. When we left San Francisco, our landlord owed us almost two grand. Never saw a nickel, because what were we gonna do, sue them from Kansas City? Same story here. I hope there'll be a refund, but I'll be five states away so I'll take what I get and I expect that'll be nada.

      Good crack on climate change, and thanks for Florynce Kennedy. Clicking around, I learned that she was in at least two movies I saw and liked, and she seems to have been a kick-ass dame in real life, too.

      Delete
  2. Sister Bobbie Lee Nelson and her little brother Willie have changed the way America sings to itself and made a noble attempt to save the American family farm along the way. Her name will be spoken with reverence in honkytonks and a few churches until the last Western song is corporatized.

    John

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It must be frustrating to be a very good musician, but always in the shadow of your superstar brother. I tried and failed to find some music of hers that wasn't also music of his, but a lifetime collaborating with Willie Nelson is a hell of an accomplishment, even in shade.

      Delete
  3. Bobbie was a better piano player than Willie is a guitar player, but Bobbie didn't write songs and rarely sang them. Willie has 105 songs registered with BMI; all have been covered by recording at least once; one (Funny How Time Slips Away) 132 times; many others close to 100.

    Willie's voice is unusual, and his phrasing is considerably more unusual (consider Georgia On My Mind). And it took 20 years of touring to make Willie an overnight star at 40. That was in 1973 when he could afford to bring Bobbie on as a full time band member.

    I'm just saying that Willie's own eccentric writing and singing style and his dogged refusal to give up made him the star in that Family. He proudly acknowledged that Bobbie was the better musician.

    jtb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In my grumpier moods I've sometimes said country music is an oxymoron, but Willie Nelson is the retort that proves me full of crap. I could listen to him all afternoon, even his most blatantly country stuff.

      Dang, I would've bet two dollars that Willie wrote "You Were Always On My Mind," but nope. He simply owned it.

      Delete
    2. Phrasing. That's Willie's not-so-secret weapon, but if it were that easy lots of other singers would do it. Almost eight billion people on the planet, and when you hear Willie start singing you know exactly who it is. You'd think by now he'd have the money to fix the hole in his guitar.

      jtb

      Delete
    3. I love the hole in his guitar, and he loves it more.

      Man, I don't remember packing and moving being so damned *exhausting*...

      Delete
    4. Yesterday I took two giant containers of glass to the local recycling facility and dumped them, one by one. Little known fact: glass weighs considerably more than it did 20 years ago. I think the universe is getting heavier.

      John

      Delete
    5. I didn't have enough glass for a trip to the recycling center, but the stuff I tossed in the bin sure seemed thick. I though it was because maybe we bought heavier glass glasses and stuff?

      Delete
    6. My trivial point was that glass has about the same mass as it always did, perhaps a little less with intelligent structural design, but that my ability to lift it has declined over the last 20 years. At 72, everything seems heavier.

      jtb

      Delete
  4. Ahhh. Heavy lifting has gotten heavier. I'd still be in Madison if it wasn't for my handtruck.

    ReplyDelete

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