The taken shake

July 28, 2022

The bathroom door was open, and that's how we know when the bathroom is empty — but the light and fan were on, and they're never on unless someone's in there — but when someone's in there, the door is closed.

It's the bathroom. You close the door when you're in the bathroom, don't you? In a shared house, you damned well do.

Dean was in the bathroom, door all the way open, standing up at the sink, with white foamy stuff on his face, shaving. He saw me in the mirror, turned around and smiled and waved and said "Good morning, Doug."

I turned around, too, and went back to my room. I can poop later, when the bathroom is empty, but I need to type this now.

Anyone normal out there? I know nothing about normal, so tell me, please. Dean is an extrovert, and I'm not, but leaving the bathroom door open, waving at me and saying good morning while he's shaving at the bathroom sink — is that as nuts as it seems to me, even by Dean's excessively extroverted standards, or is that something normal people might do?

We're in the midst of a record heat wave, which, in Seattle, really isn't that hot. It's been in the low 90°s all week. The buses and most of the libraries are air conditioned, but my house isn't, and my room has windows on two walls, catching first the morning sun and then the afternoon sun, and it gets sweaty.

I'm drinking twice as much water and fluids as usual, but peeing less often, even sleeping through the night without waking up desperate to drain the spigot.

This isn't really about heavy drinking or light peeing, though. It's about water. It's hot and it's gonna get hotter. What happens when the whole world keeps getting hotter and hotter, when billions of people need to drink more water than they're accustomed to drinking?

Humanity is going to run low on water, that's what'll happen.

"I'm going to Burger King" is a line that would not whet my appetite, so I never go to Burger King. Likewise, I'm never at McDonald's or Kentucky Fried Jack-in-the-Wendy's.

"I'm going to Dick's," though, is a thought that still intrigues me, so when it flashes into my head it usually means I'm going to Dick's for two burgers and two fries.

Not today, though. It's too dang hot to wait for the bus when I don't need to, and Dick's has no indoor seating. You stand outside to order, and if you didn't come in an air-conditioned car, you stand outside to eat.

Had an amusing moment at Dick's a few days ago, though. The counter is fifteen feet from the sidewalk, and you walk up off the street to order. A 30-something white guy was at the register waiting for his food, and the employee put his milk shake on the counter, and instantly a scrawny white guy swooped in like a seagull, took the shake, and walked away.

The customer and the worker both looked startled, and some of the other customers laughed, and the dude who stole the milk shake vanished into the crowd on the street.

The Dick's worker replaced the shake, sure, but the customer turned the moment into an advertisement for Jesus. "If I wasn't a Christian, I would've gone after him," he said, and said it a couple of more times a couple of other ways, as if having his shake swiped made him the celebrity guest host of The 700 Club.

And I didn't see this, but on the bus ride home I wondered... Maybe it was a scam, and the Christian and the milk shake thief were working together.

Found a weird-looking long-winged red flying insect in my room. No idea what it was, and my room probably has a thousand flying and crawling insects, but this one was big and gross and red. Long ago I read somewhere that red bugs can be nature's signal for danger, so a red bug is a dead bug.

And now, the news you need, whether you know it or not…    

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T-Mobile PAYS $500-million settlement for continued sloppy data practices 

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When employers steal wages from workers 

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Strange new phase of matter created in quantum computer acts like it has two time dimensions 

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Stop trusting Elon Musk — on tunnels, on Teslas, on everything 

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Who would you sit with at this 1972 dinner: Dylan and Vonnegut, or Cheever and Ginsberg? 

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When the 'Capitol Crawl' dramatized the need for Americans with Disabilities Act 

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What's the last thing you bought from a TV infomercial and how did it work? 

Always loved my Veg-O-Matic. It slices, it dices, and so much more!

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Fact check: Scientists at CERN are not opening a 'portal to hell' 

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Professional regurgitation 

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One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...

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The End
Tony Dow
Sid Jacobson
James Lovelock
Paul Sorvino

Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...

Cranky Old Fart
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  1. >Found a weird-looking long-winged red flying insect in my room.

    Here in Gettysburg, we have a zillion interesting bugs, but I seldom take pics. Last couple of years, spiders have been less frequent. We got wolf spiders and orb weavers and all kinds of stuff. We also get a lot of moths, and I happened to have snapped pics of the last couple of intersting ones:



    They tend to appear near the kilns. They like the heat, maybe?

    1. The first one's cool, the second one's *beautiful* like a work of nature-art. I'd let both of them live in my room.

    2. The second one, I legit walked by it thinking it was a leaf for about an hour, before I took a closer look.

    3. Never carrying my cell phone, I've never gotten accustomed to taking easy photos. It never occurs to me. But there are no screens on my windows and they're always open in the summer heat, so my room has more bugs than the lame-ass spider-infestation movie I watched yesterday...

  2. >What's the last thing you bought from a TV infomercial and how did it work?

    I saw that Reddit thread, but didn't answer. It was a box set of 2 AC/DC compact discs. It was an impulse buy, unneeded as I had all the songs on their original tapes or records or discs. But it was like 30 bucks, and it worked.

    1. An infomercial for AC/DC? Cripes, we're old.

    2. True. And it was when I lived in Woodlake, so 2005 or so.


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