A slice at Dagwood's

I've been living on peanut butter sandwiches and cold beans and hot ramen, and in the midst of another thinly-spread PB sandwich, it was quite a treat when Yacoob in the next booth offered me a bite-size chocolate-chip mini-bagel. In chewing it, though, one of my teeth began to disintegrate, leaving a sizable cave for food to get stuck in. Fortunately, there was no pain.

My mouth has enough caves already. Tonguing my teeth for a quick oral census, I now count seven teeth in various states of obvious rot, and three more teeth no longer present, even in fragments. The rest of my original 32 are generally intact, at least from the outside, though many are filled, dating back to jobs that had dental coverage. Selling fish doesn't.

♦ ♦ ♦

Father forgive me, for I have sinned. Today I had impure thoughts.

She might have been a college freshman, but more likely she was still in high school. Should I be ashamed of admiring a 17-year-old? Well, I'm not. I didn't drool, didn't stare, didn't even smile (the teeth, remember), but… I noticed. No hetero man could've not noticed.

She bought a slice at Dagwood's Pizza, then sat on the sidewalk against the building's wall, directly in front of my fish table. With her butt on the cement, her knees at about 10:00 and 2:00, I followed her legs to their natural conclusions. Her shorts were baggy, pink panties were visible at the crotch, and from behind the pink panties what appeared to be several curly black pubes were poking out.

I was perhaps 15 feet from her legs and everything, especially her everything, so to bring it into sharper focus, I reached into my backpack, found my glasses, slipped them on, and… Yup, I was not seeing things that weren't there.

It took her ten minutes to finish her lunch, and it was the highlight of my day, though she'll never know it. I said nothing, not even to Yacoob, but if I'd been willing or even able to speak to that stranger on the sidewalk, I would've said thank you, ma'am, for spreading good cheer.

From Pathetic Life #15
Thursday, August 10, 1995

This is an entry retyped from an on-paper zine I wrote many years ago, called Pathetic Life. The opinions stated were my opinions then, but might not be my opinions now. Also, I said and did some disgusting things, so parental guidance is advised.


  1. You're a man so I shouldn't be surprised, but as a woman this is disturbing more than funny.

    1. That's a valid response, sure.

      Men are always either thinking about sex, or a glimpse of flesh away from thinking about sex.


🚨🚨 Click here if you have problems posting a comment. 🚨🚨