Burgers about town

My flatmate Dean made me dinner a few weeks back, and I haven't mentioned him since, but we're still never gonna be buddies. We talk less and less, and we never talked much. He creeps me out.

Sept. 14, 2022

When I ordered a big box of candy and it came in the mail, he put the box by my door. That's what a flatmate is supposed to do. The next morning, though, he asked me, "So — I guess you must like Tootsie Pops?" and that's over the line.

When I was working as a bus driver trainee, I sure didn't announce it to the house, but after only two mornings getting up and leaving the house instead of sleeping in, Dean asked me as I was walking through the kitchen, "Where do you go so early every morning?"

"Out," I said, and kept walking.

When I was washing a load of clothes, carrying my basket of undies and pants to the laundry room, he said, "Time to do the laundry, eh?" I shrugged and sighed and said nothing.

Yeah, I know it's just me being the recluse. Maybe this is how ordinary people make chit-chat? Well, I ain't ordinary, and I never want to hear a flatmate's chit-chat about me

All this doesn't happen every day, or even every week, but it happens too often. Sharing a house with other boarders, you're supposed to keep your distance, just a little. You need to not notice everything, or at least not mention everything you notice.

One of these days, I'm gonna smack that guy. Pow! Right in the kisser!

Nothing's better than an orgasm, but you know what's almost as good? A bowel movement. I just flushed several pounds, it was exhausting, and even five minutes later I'm still in an aura of satisfaction, relaxation, and accomplishment.

Waiting at a bus stop, as often I do, three kids approached. Or maybe they weren't kids; it's hard to tell — two males, one female, ages 15?-25?. As they passed, one of the boys or men was saying, "If God does exist, then he's a hell of a son of a bitch."

I smiled at that. Maybe there's some hope for the future.

My earlier reviews still stand: Seattle's best burger is at Smokey's, but Mrs Rigby's burgers are very nearly as good and less expensive.

There are other burgers in town, though.

West Seattle's Boss Drive-In makes very good and reasonably priced burgers, and even better french fries in small buckets. Sometimes I order only the fries. There's always a line, but the line moves quickly, and then you step aside and wait while your food is prepped to order. I've been to Boss four times, and regretted it never.

A bit further south, there's Zippy's. Good burgers, good shakes, and only slightly painful prices. The big difference is the service. Can't pinpoint exactly what it is, and they're never out-and-out rude, but every time I'm there I get the feeling they wish I wasn't, so I haven't been there for a while and might not be there again.

… Whoops, guess it's for certain: no more Zippy's Giant Burgers. I wanted to link to their website, but found this instead

You know that oily, chemically stink that a car engine makes when it's about to demand at least $1,000 in repairs?

That's something else I love about taking the bus — when you smell that smell, it's someone else's car, someone else's problem.

And now, the news you need, whether you know it or not… 

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Justice Kagan cautions Supreme Court can forfeit legitimacy

Blah blah blah. There's been far too much egghead conversation in recent months, worrying or bemoaning that the Supreme Court might be on the brink of losing its 'legitimacy'.

That's piffle, nothing but. Might as well talk about when Jesus is returning.

Sure, there's no legitimacy in the USSC. Several of them ought to be impeached, but that ain't happening, and so what?

The Supreme Court is not fueled by popular opinion. Whether or not you or I or 75% of America sees the court as illegitimate, the Supreme Court will have the final say on legal questions in this country.

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San Francisco's Tenderloin makes a compelling case for public restroom programs 

OK, but must we study the stats in one of America's worst neighborhoods in order to determine that people need to go to the bathroom?

Public restrooms are a human right.

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22 Republican governors don't want your student debt cancelled 

Republicans are opposed to anything that might make people's lives easier. 

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Montana adopts permanent block on birth certificate changes for trans people 

Again, Republicans are opposed to anything that might make people's lives easier.

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Federal judge in Texas rules that coverage for anti-HIV drugs is unconstitutional 

Have I mentioned? Republicans are opposed to anything that might make ordinary people's lives easier — or keep LGBTQ people alive.

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Connecticut Judge sanctions Alex Jones for "egregious" and "stunningly cavalier" failure to turn over discovery to Sandy Hook families 

My ignorance of the law could empty a legal library, but what's keeping Jones out of jail for simple contempt of court?

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Woman whose rape kit DNA was used against her in separate crime sues San Francisco 

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Actor confesses rape; BBC and The Guardian report only his apology 

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Queen Latifah's End of the Road is a horror movie about MAGA country 

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The extreme weight of large electric vehicles is going to be a very dangerous problem 

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Florida's Don't Say Gay law doing "widespread" harm, motion says 

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Player at St. Louis Chess Cup accused of using anal beads to cheat 

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Jean-Luc Godard disliked e-books before they even existed. 

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Getting to yell, "Stop the presses!" 

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One day a nation 

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One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time... 




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The End

Harold Chapman
Bill Dygert
Jean-Luc Godard
Ken Starr

Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...


  1. >The next morning, though, he asked me, "So — I guess you must like Tootsie Pops?" and that's over the line.

    Next order needs to be from these guys :


    1. Too funny to be SNL. Mr Show, eh? I ought to check it out...

    2. Like all sketch shows, Mr. Show is hit-and-miss. But yeah, I LOVE it.


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