Dean's chili

Cranky Old Fart

Dean scares me. He's my flatmate who's a professional chef, and never lets ten minutes of conversation go by without reminding you he's a professional chef, been working in top kitchens for 40 years, etc. He often cooks in our kitchen, and that's what scares me.

Six months I've lived here, and in that time he's set off the smoke alarm in the kitchen more than a dozen times. He gets distracted, forgets that he's cooking something, goes into his room and takes a nap or reads a book. I'm not much worried about that, though. There's always someone home who'll come out and turn the stove off if Dean's asleep.

What worries me is the way he handles meat. Dean and I share the same refrigerator, so I see his meat every day. 

• He only buys meat that's at, near, or past its expiration date. Never have I seen raw, store-bought meat in Dean's half of the fridge that didn't have a 50% off sticker.

• He keeps this meat in the fridge a week, sometimes two weeks before cooking it or tossing it. I'm writing this because right now, there's fish that says "50% off" and "cook me and eat me by October 6," but today's the 14th.

• If there's leftover, uncooked meat, he leaves it on the shelf in the fridge, unwrapped. Right now: a lump of raw hamburger.

• If there's leftovers of anything he's cooked, it sits in the refrigerator, on a plate or in a pot, unwrapped, no lid. The uncovered leftovers sometimes stay in the refrigerator until days after mold starts growing. Right now: a very greasy stew from Sunday.

I don't cook much, and when I do my food handling in not up to restaurant standards, either. But I'm not a pro, and I'm only cooking for me. Dean actually sells some of the stuff he cooks at home. And I can only wonder about the kitchen he runs at the Hilton Park Hyatt Saint-Regis Four Seasons Marriott Ritz Carlton, or wherever he works.

And yet… our kitchen smelled great last night as Dean was making chili, and this morning he offered me some of his leftovers. He scooped me a bowl of chili from a big uncovered pot in the fridge, and I said "Thank you, Dean." Then he reminded me he charges $5 for a container of that size, and when I said nothing he said, "but it's free for you." I microwaved it, and I'm eating it as I type, and damn, it's delicious.

QuikTrip could soon operate urgent care centers in Kansas City 

QuikTrip, if you don't know, is a chain of gas stations and convenience stores, now practicing medicine. This is the future of American health care.

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University of Washington ordered to pay PETA $540K in lawsuit over primate research 

One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time…

Climate change isn't 'coming', it's underway. It'll kill billions, and we're not doing squat about it.

All cops are bastards, or they know who the bastard cops are and do nothing about it, which is the same thing.

Republicans are the enemy of common sense, common decency, simple truth, and democracy.

Exploring an abandoned dentist office inside a mansion while cops outside!! 

Not as thrilling as the headline promises, two exclamation points and all, but kinda cool.

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Isetta micro-car 

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Pink Lake 

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Cardrona Bra Fence 

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The End

Art Laboe
Nick Holonyak Jr
Antonio Inoki
Hector Lopez
John Marks


Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...


  1. FYI, your fifth "climate" link is actually a "cops" link. It goes here:


    1. Fixedamundo, grazioso.

    2. Morticia, you drive me crazy when you speak French.


    3. I kissa your hand, and work my kisses rapidly up your black-sleeved arm...

  2. Aw man. I watched Antonio Inoki 40 years ago. He made me smile as a child, sad he's gone.

    1. Were you a believer?

      It was the eternal debate at my school. Wrestling is real. No, wrestling is fake. Real. Fake. Let's fight about it.

    2. I went along with it. Like, I knew it was bullshit. But it was fun, so I just pretended it was real.

    3. Like life itself.


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