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Pants and pubes

Cranky Old Fart #203

The recycling bins are just outside the house, and the dumpster is a little further, about thirty steps across a small parking lot. Socks, briefs, and a t-shirt is what I wear. That's what I wear in my room, and I'm not getting dressed just to take out the trash.

Once, since I wasn't wearing a t-shirt in my room, I went to the dumpster in just shorts and socks. Kinda proud of myself for that, because in the past I've been self-conscious about showing my huge belly, but why? False modesty is a waste of time.

It's starting to feel like winter's in the air, so sadly, soon I'll be wearing pants again. Sweatpants, of course, stained.

Bart's Blackboard canceled itself midway through the 23rd season, while The Simpsons goes on and on until the end of time. Until then, though, there's your complete catalogue of everything Bart's written on the blackboard.

Here's a site that's done a fine job of illustrating the physics of pendulums, rollercoasters, dangling sticks, collisions, etc.

There's a problem, though. At least in the standard setting, the graphics keep repeating, never slowing down and stopping. Slowing down and stopping is the best thing about a pendulum, though, isn't it? 

Two white boys, high schoolers I'd guess but maybe dropouts or graduates, were toward the back on the bus. One was asleep or stoned, stretched across two seats, with his knees, legs, and feet in the aisle. The other kid was in the seat behind him, sitting like you're supposed to sit on a bus.

There were some empty seats, and getting past the feet in the aisle would've been difficult, so I sat opposite the boys. When the view out the window got boring, I looked back at the sleeping or stoned doofus, and saw that he had his pants way too low, the way urban idiots sometimes do, with the waistline at his thighs.

After that it was instinct. I had to glance north, and make sure his underwear covered his special happy bits. The coverage was legal, but his Calvin Kleins were also too low, allowing a few public hairs to peek out at me. Ah, jeez. Hello, some stranger's pubes.

If he'd been a she in that pose, pubes exposed, it would've been a better bus ride and I might've enjoyed it instead of being mildly nauseated. Women and girls never wear droopy pants, though. It would be dangerous, plus most chicks aren't the same kind of disgusting as all the urban male idiots.

At one of the several Safeway groceries on this route, the pubey guy's friend rang the bell and said to the horizontal Mr Pubes, "Hey, man, we're here." He stood and ratcheted his pants up several inches but not enough, and they got off through the back door.

Remember Eddie Murphy, laughing at the spandex freaks in Beverly Hills Cop? That was me, laughing after Mr Pubes stepped off the bus.


A month and a week after applying to be answer-boy at their question line, an email from Metro Transit HR tells me that "after careful consideration," my application will not go forward to the final round of candidates.

Well, gosh diddly darn, I wanted that job and would've been good at it. Why, just a couple of days ago, I answered a passenger's question about the #120 route.

"Does this bus go to Roxbury Street?" some old guy asked the driver.

"Sorry, man. I don't know," said the driver. "It doesn't ring a bell, so I don't think we go down Roxbury. Maybe we cross it. I just don't know." 

From the back I shouted, "Yes, this bus goes to Roxbury Street, and it runs about ten blocks along Roxbury."

All those answers will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to look for another job. And wherever I end up working, pants will probably be required. 

"Why, even in peacetime, do friends become enemies? And why, even in wartime, do enemies become friends? I think game theory can help explain our epidemic of distrust — and how we can fix it! So, to understand all this... let's play a game." 

An angry mob broke into a jail looking for a Black man—then freed him.

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Patty Hearst was here, and here, and here… 

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And now, the news you need, whether you know it or not…    

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New York Times publishes sympathetic profile on "smaller landlord" who owns 6,000 apartments, laments how difficult it's become to evict poor people 

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Business grew after controversial bike lane installed, data show 

God, I hate cars, so I love this:

When New York City proposed installing a protected bike lane on Skillman Avenue in Queens in 2017, the impact it would have on local businesses was certain — at least according to the plan’s critics.

A devastating loss of customers. Revenue falling by 20 percent. Beloved shops forced to close their doors for good.

Those predictions were wrong.

Data obtained by Streetsblog through a Freedom of Information request shows the economy of Skillman Avenue grew after the city built the new lane in the fall of 2018, with revenue increasing and new businesses setting up shop.

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Republicans in Florida and Ohio who contracted coronavirus were 76% more likely than Democrats to die of COVID 

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The Onion files brief in U.S. Supreme Court backing Parma man who sued after arrest for fake Facebook page  

Here's the filing (pdf).

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One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...

climateclimateclimate 

copscopscopscopscopscopscops 

RepublicansRepublicansRepublicansRepublicansRepublicansRepublicans

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 Mystery links  — Like life itself, there’s no knowing where you’re going:


    
         

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The End

Jim Florio
Sacheen Littlefeather

10/4/2022   

Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
 
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
 
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...

7 comments:

  1. >Women and girls never wear droopy pants, though

    Holy shit dude. You are nuts. Low rise front jeans are really common. But the girls who wear them shave their pubes. Sad, but true. I long for the old bush. Both of my long-term squeezes didn't shave, and I love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Send pictures, seriously. I have never seen this. Never seen a girl or woman in pants so low that I'd see her pubic hair if she had any.

      My opinion on a woman's pubes is irrelevant, but I've never seen a hairless cooch with my own eyes, and I'd miss the hair. It's like a lawn with only dirt, or a cake unfrosted.

      Delete
  2. Even better, do a Google image search of "low rise jeans porn." It's not exactly porny, but with more skin.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Any chance that jeans are staying in place and fur is migrating north in response to global climate change?

    Just trying to see the big picture.

    John

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like science to me, John.

      Delete
    2. Huh. I've seen jeans low like that, but it never occurred to me that shaving becomes necessary. That's crazy, but so's America in the 2020s.

      Also, I've only seen such britches on twig-thin and very young women, so it's never struck me as sexy. Put 'em on a lady with a belly and some years, maybe I'd've noticed before you told me what to Google.

      Then again, I'm old. None of it's intended for me.

      Delete

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