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Fenced out

Sometimes for the Saturday morning family breakfasts, my sister Katrina brings her lifelong friend Adelle. And that's OK. Adelle is family, far as I'm concerned. She's probably more family to me than some of the people I'm related to by blood.

CRANKY
OLD FART

#247

leftovers
& links

 
Sunday,
Dec. 11, 2022

So one Saturday, Adelle was at our table eating breakfast, and a middle-aged black woman shrieked at her, "Adelle! Is that you, Adelle?" And indeed, it was.

The lady's name was Charmaine, and she goes to the same church as Adelle, but ever since COVID came, Adelle's been going to tele-church, or whatever you'd call it when you watch the services via Zoom. So Adelle and Charmaine hadn't seen each other in years, and they hugged and talked and hugged again and talked longer.

Charmaine is a very smiley, outgoing person, but not in a 'Dean' way — she's endearing, not annoying. By the time she'd left, all of us kinda knew and liked Charmaine.

We're there every Saturday at 8:45, and Charmaine's church sewing circle is there every other Saturday at 9:00, so we figured we'd see Charmaine again, but that was almost two months ago, and we hadn't seen her since.

Well, we saw her yesterday, toward the end of our breakfast. Adelle wasn't there; it was just me and Mom and my sister Katrina, but Katrina spotted her, and waved her over.

Charmaine spent fifteen minutes talking with us, and it's the damnedest thing but I like her. She tells funny stories, and despite being a church lady she doesn't seem overly churchy.

At one point she said "shit" and none of us even noticed. Mom had forgotten her hearing aid, and for Katrina and me it's just a word in the English language, but Charmaine apologized, laughing.

There's not much more to the story than that. It's highly unusual that I meet someone and like 'em, that's all. Especially someone who's outgoing. Anyone outgoing usually makes me in-going.

When she excused herself and said goodbye, the last thing I said to Charmaine was that she could join our table any time, long as she watches her language.

I turned down Katrina's offer of a ride, and walked halfway home, like I had a couple of weeks ago. I need the walking, since I rarely get out of this recliner.

Same as last time, I stopped at the convenience store to wait for the bus, but this time I didn't desperately need to poop. I was curious, though, to see how my poop from three weeks ago was doing. Had the rains and snow washed it away, or would it still be there, crawling with bugs or something?

There's no earthly way of knowing, because the restaurant I pooped behind has erected a new fence to keep people out of the lot. It's not a cheap fence, either. It's taller than me, with a metal frame and red wooden slats. Someone young and skinny and strong could climb over it, but not me, so it's adios to my fine November poop.

Did they put up the fence just became of me?

Here's the news you need,
whether you know it or not

DNA that was frozen for 2 million years has been sequenced 

I've seen that movie...

Wisconsin's "fetal protection" law, one of the nation's most punitive, forces women into treatment or jail 

Big Oil has engaged in a long-running climate disinformation campaign while raking in record profits, lawmakers find  

And it never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, because climate change isn't 'coming', it's underway. It'll kill billions, and we're not doing squat about it. 

Ex-NYPD cop gets 25 to life in 8-year-old son's freezing death 

And it never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, because all cops are bastards, or they know who the bastard cops are and do nothing about it, which is the same thing.

Kari Lake files lawsuit to be declared winner in Arizona 

And it never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, never stops, because Republicans are the enemy of common sense, common decency, simple truth, and democracy.

Links I liked

Masturbation is a form of demonic control? 

Most doctors don’t know how to do abortions. Why not? 

Media's crime hype and scapegoating led to crackdown on unhoused people 

The average number of Americans detained abroad has risen by nearly six hundred per cent during the past decade. 

"Let her know she was the best thing that ever happened to me." 

A strange pandemic for John Hollis, naturally immune to COVID 

Eric Idle on 'cancel culture' 

Here's the only part worth reading:

Asked about Dave Chappelle's complaints that he is being silenced for his controversial jokes, Idle responded: "Where does he say it? On SNL… well you're not being that much cancelled, are you?

"If you were in your room complaining. I'd have a lot more sympathy."

Idle went on to address another vocal critic of "cancel culture," Bill Maher.

"I didn't like it when Bill Maher complains about the audience for not laughing, they're telling you they don't find it funny.

"You shouldn't moan about the audience. There's nothing wrong with the audience. If they don't laugh at your jokes, there's something wrong with your joke. And so… I'm not terribly sympathetic to that sort of attitude, to be honest."

Notre Dame's uncovered tombs start to reveal their secrets 

From inside the schools: "School shooter" jokes are everywhere, from classrooms to TikTok 

The Great Escape: The audacious real story of the WWII prison break 

Please poke eyes before disposing of fish carcass 

Why birds changed their tune during the pandemic 

Reddit Comment Stream 

Panda pornography 

Quokka 

Wheels 

Mystery links
Like life itself, there's no
knowing where you're going

click 

click 

click

♫♬  Mix tape of my mind  ♫

Dare to be Different — Donovan 

Ghost Riders in the Sky — Johnny Cash

I Am What I Am — John Barrowman 

Rocket Man — Hayseed Dixie 

Wooden Dreams — Luther Wright

The End

John Prados 

Francesc Vendrell 

12/11/2022   

Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
 
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
 
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...

4 comments:

  1. (Think I'll chime in with a shit story:)

    Back in the day it was often a cold rainy walk out to the outhouse so a neighbor, thank you Keith, came up with a brilliant solution: Shit on newspaper and burn it. Back then everyone had a wood-burning stove. This worked out well and we learned pretty quickly to push that bundle way back into the stove. There were some odd moments for visitors, like when during a dinner party little six-year-old Rosa, spread her newspaper in the corner and continued the family tradition.
    So I burned shit during the long winter and then it was spring and I took a shit on newspaper but realized it was a nice day! Too warm to make a fire.
    I put the package in a ziploc and stashed it up the hill behind my truck tire. Keith came by, glanced at it, and knew exactly what it was. I took it to town and settled on the Redway post office dumpster. Just as I was making my illicit drop-off the post master came out to confront me.
    “Just this one time Jay,” I pleaded.
    PM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wouldn't burning it in the stove stink up your house?

      Delete
    2. Hmm, I guess the smell went up the chimney? Well, there was that smoky shitty aroma in the air outside, but being used to Mexico, where it was often burned in the ditches along with whatever else was there, it wasn't an offensive aroma, thanks for asking...

      Delete
    3. Guess burning shit doesn't smell shitty. I'll keep that factoid on file for future reference. Might come in handy when I'm homeless.

      Delete

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