When I opened my bedroom door and emerged into the kitchen, Dean was there. He looked at me and smiled and took a breath, and he would’ve started talking if I hadn’t held up my hand in a ‘stop’ gesture and hurried past him and into the john. When you gotta go, etc.
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| CRANKY OLD FART #257 leftovers |
Sitting down for a poop, I knew he’d be there when I came out, and he’d want to talk.Two or three minutes passed, along with half a pound of yesterday’s carrots, and when I tidied up and emerged, there he was. And of course, he started talking (something about something he’d cooked at the hotel’s restaurant).I wasn’t in the mood to donate ten minutes to the man. “Nah,” I said, interrupting him as I walked past and into my room.It was only after closing the door that I realized I’d said “Nah” out loud. Hadn’t meant to.
Twice, I’ve said more than “Nah.” I’ve said, Dean, we can’t have a conversation every time you see me.Both times, I tried to politely explain being an introvert to my very extroverted flatmate, and both times I thought I’d been successful, but it’s like explaining a bus to a butterfly.And still, every time he sees me, he wants to talk at me. In nine months in this house, I don’t remember Dean and I ever seeing each other without him wanting to talk at me. Well, screw it. I’m sick of hearing him talk, so I said, “Nah,” accidentally, and it silenced him. Nothing else has.
The next day, Dean and I saw each other again, and this time I wanted to say “Nah” on purpose. I started with, “Hey, can we talk?” and then repeated what I’d told him twice before, but more firmly and emphatically.It took maybe a minute and a half to say what I said, which was longer than I’ve ever seen Dean be silent.”I’m an introvert. Conversations are difficult for me, and sometimes I want to come out of my room and pee, or make a sandwich, or check the mail, without all the effort of a conversation.”
My main point, the last thing I said, was, “If you want to talk to me, we can talk, sometimes — but not every damned time you see me.”Except for the word ‘damn’, I tried to say all this as politely as possible. I didn’t want to make him into an enemy. We live on opposite sides of the same kitchen in a shared house,
so we’re going to see each other, often, and I’d like us to be cordial. Also, we share a refrigerator, and he could easily piss in my prune juice.So did Dean take it well? He did not. He listened until I was finished, and then turned and walked into his room without a word.And with that, I guess Dean is no longer speaking to me. That’s the best punishment I’ve had since I was 17, and they kicked me out of school for skipping too much school.I’ll give the prune juice a sniff test before chugging it.
News you need,
whether you know it or not• Police rescind drug charge against terminally ill Kansas cancer patient • Top Republicans remain silent over George Santos campaign lies • New York law lets adults easily officiate weddings • Global warming in the arctic fuels megafires on the permafrost • Only 2½ years after video-recorded on-duty assault, cop is charged • Hailstorm in Kuwait
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Mystery links
Like life itself, there’s no
knowing where you’re going• click • click • click
Clicks ahoy• A tiny newspaper broke the George Santos scandal, but no-one paid attention. • Three years on, the pandemic — and our response — have been jolting. Here’s what even the experts didn’t see coming. • 10 of the most ridiculous anti-LGBTQ+ things conservatives said in 2022 • How the checkout aisle became a ‘maze’ to fuel impulse purchases • The Supreme Court is manipulating its own calendar to lock GOP policies in place • How we got grifted by a multi-billion dollar distributor and need to move 30,000 bags of coffee • Victorian butchers • Play “Freebird,” on harmonica • Waiting for a train in Washington DC
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♫♬ Mix tape of my mind ♫• Access Me — Phish • Daybreaker — Electric Light Orchestra • Hold Your Head Up — Argent • She Bop — Cyndi Lauper • Who’ll Stop the Rain? — Creedence Clearwater Revival
Eventually, everyone
leaves the building• Thom Bell • Ashley Bickerton • Don Christopher • Blasco Giurato • Maxi Jazz • Pelé • Ian Tyson • Barbara Walters • Walter ‘Wolfman’ Washington
12/31/2022
kindness, along with anything off the internet that’s made me smile or
snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
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