Consider yourself nudged

Well, now I've done it — spent every penny of the money Bill paid me yesterday, and more, on printing, postage, and envelopes, getting the January issue of the zine into the mail. It ain't great, but at least it's out.

And now my grand total net worth is $21.71.

Long ago, there was an emergency fund — several hundred dollars stashed in a sock and a jock, in case I broke an arm or needed a tooth pulled or something. Haven't broken any arms lately, but bit by bit that money's been spent on luxuries like licorice and bus fare and typewriter ribbons.

There was also an earthquake kit, once upon a time, with dozens of cans of cheap beans and water to last a week, and flashlights, batteries, band-aids, whatever'd come in handy after The Big One hits. There's still water, but as the money's been tight, I've eaten the beans, used the batteries, worn the band-aids.

And none of this would be a problem, if only some wealthy reader would be kind enough to name me beneficiary, then die.

Until that happy occasion, I'll muddle along by posting more of my flyers, which I did today. It's been a while since I've shared the flyer in the zine, so consider yourself nudged, especially if you live in the bay area and need your goldfish sung to or floorboards re-hammered:

I ' L L     D O     A N Y T H I N G     L E G A L
F O R     $ 5     A N     HOUR


* bodyguard * data entry * dog walking * errands * heavy lifting * housework * kid sitting * moving * office work * tour guide * typing * yucky stuff * or almost anything else *

I've been an office flunky for years, so no work is "beneath me." I'm 37 years old, and I've never been arrested, or addicted to anything but television (I've recovered). If you need dependable, hard-working help, why be shy? Please call Doug, at (415) ███-████. We'll both be glad you did.

( 4 1 5 )  ███ - ████

From Pathetic Life #21
Tuesday, February 6, 1996 

This is an entry retyped from an on-paper zine I wrote many years ago, called Pathetic Life. The opinions stated were my opinions then, but might not be my opinions now. Also, I said and did some disgusting things, so parental guidance is advised.


  1. Really should have upped your wage to $6 or $7 at some point!

    1. Guess I never seriously considered it, which seems stupid in hindsight.

      So does a lot of the zine, actually.


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