Monday, May 15, 2023
Within a week of my first day at Haugen & Dahl, I was known as the quiet guy in the office. Now I’ve been there almost three months, and three times with three different people I’ve had to have the “You don’t talk much” conversation.My half goes like this:
Yup, I don’t talk much.I’ll say something when I have something to say.Nah, being quiet doesn’t mean I’m a psychopath, or that I hate you. It doesn’t mean anything at all, except that I’m not one of those people who needs to be talking all the time.I’m going to go back to doing my work now.
Eventually my co-workers at Haugen & Dahl, as at every other job I’ve had, will learn to deal with my general silence, like I’ve learned to deal with all the people who ask why I don’t talk much.
A month or so ago, I cracked a tiny, barely funny joke — a quick riff on something we’d all just overheard in a call-center conversation.No, I’m not gonna repeat it here; It was by far too unfunny to be repeated, and barely funny enough to say it out loud when I said it, but all the people on my ‘team’ reacted with loud laughter. The co-worker who’d been on the phone had to excuse herself and pit a caller on hold, while she laughed.That’s another advantage of being the quiet guy — say nothing but ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ for a week, and almost anything you say will sound profound, or hilarious. Just make sure it’s not hilarious when you intended profound.
Somehow I lucked into the perfect cubicle. I didn’t ask for it, didn’t particularly like it when I first saw it. I thought, Why am I so far from the people I work with, the people I need to ask questions of? All of my co-workers are in the next row of cubicles, but I’m near the back of a different row.My only neighbor is a woman who’s part of a different department, so she doesn’t care or even know what I do. My boss sits at the front of my row of cubicles, but he simply never comes back to check on me. It has not happened once.Sometimes, rarely, my boss does come back toward me, but it’s to talk to that woman who sits near me. With the viewpoint from my desk, though, I have about ten seconds warning when he’s on the way, so I minimize BoingBoing and scrutinize a piece of paper.
It gets better: Two days out of five, the woman who sits near me works from home instead, and two different days out of five, my boss works from home. Often I’m usually so completely alone that I take my mask off.There’s a “hotelling” cubicle behind me, where clients and visitors can sit, but that cubby has only been occupied one day in the past two months.What it all means is, nobody’s watching me. Nobody’s getting on my nerves. Long as I get my work done (and I do) nobody’s the wiser if I spend an hour reading a book.Compare my seating luck with the new temp in the office: She was given the cubicle directly outside my boss’s boss’s door. The cubicle walls are shorter over there, so everyone walking by — and it’s a busy corridor — has a clear view of her screens. She’s gotta be all work, all the time, and jeez, that’s gotta suck.Me, I’m reading Reddit.
Here’s something unexpected. Remember when I wrote about a brouhaha at work between Brianna and Kimmy, with Ramona stepping in?Most places I’ve worked, a bad moment like that is the beginning of worse moments to come, but for these ladies, it seems to have been immediately forgotten. Starting the very next day and every day since, they all chat, they laugh, but there’s only the slightest bristling, a few seconds every few weeks.
Even more unexpectedly, almost three months into the job, I don’t hate anyone at work — not even Peter, who always seems nervous but forges ahead and talks to people anyway, sometimes even to me. I kinda wish he wouldn’t, but his discomfort and twitchy voice at least makes it amusing.Imagine that — I like all of the people I’m working with. It’s unprecedented. I keep waiting for someone to take the ‘asshole’ role, because there’s an asshole in every office, often more than one. Not at Haugen & Dahl, though.
Or, wait… Maybe the asshole is me?
So I like my cubicle and co-workers, and my boss seems to like me. Also it’s pushing 90° outside today, but the a/c keeps the office a pleasant 68°. It all sounds almost idyllic, but there’s one hitch.I’m not sure it’s a job I want.
News you need,
whether you know it or not• US sold weapons to roughly 60% of world’s authoritarian nations in 2022: analysis • Not having cellphone allowed US boy to save runaway bus from crashing • French Catholic Church to provide clergy with scannable IDs to show whether priests, bishops and deacons are facing sexual abuse charges • Church asks for legal sanctions against man who claims childhood abuse by priest • Ohio Catholic priest guilty on 5 sex-trafficking charges spanning 15 years • COVID causing long-term health problems for many young people: “I felt so defeated” • Locals force council to fill in potholes by drawing penises around them
• The early heat wave gripping the Northwest is rare — and worrying • Canada: extreme “heat dome” temperatures set to worsen wildfires • Climate change is making cyclones more intense • How climate change is impacting the Hudson Bay Lowlands — Canada’s largest wetland • Climate change will cut land for coffee by more than 50%, report says • Climate change brings warmer, wetter weather to Trinidad
• San Diego cop who staged suicide, shot gun in home, solicited sex workers, was never disciplined • In 2022, convictions for 81 Americans convicted of murder were exonerated, with most of the cases involving false accusations, official misconduct, and/or perjury • Patrick Brown was freed Monday after spending 29 years in prison for rape, despite the victim repeatedly saying he wasn’t the perp • Bodycam footage shows cops sicced police dog on unarmed black man on his front porch, “for no reason” • Audit finds New Jersey cops aren’t all that enthusiastic about public accountability • Ex-sheriff’s deputy indicted for school resource officer wife’s 2022 murder is also accused of ‘continuous’ child rape in Tennessee • Judge rules cop’s violent record inadmissible at his murder trial • No charges for off-duty cop who killed 13-year-old girl with cruiser. Prosecutor says it doesn’t matter if he was speeding.
• Montana Governor signs bill that bars the state from considering climate impacts • Republican Congressperson claims she’s never seen any violent Trump supporters • Meteorologists are the new targets in global social media misinformation • Trump wants to bring back coup-plotters Michael Flynn and Jeffrey Clark • Three Republican-appointed federal appeals court judges rule that Nashville can’t force developers to build or pay for sidewalks It’s an unspoken principle in a lot of Republican policies: If you can’t get there by car, you can’t get there.
• Republican’s PAC to boost “political outsiders” instead pays its founder’s campaign debt
Mystery links
There’s no knowing where you’re going
• Click • Click • Click •
• Click • Click •
My browser history
without the porn• Ultra-Processed People: Why do we all eat stuff that isn’t food… and why can’t we stop? • In a little cafe just the other side of the border • The cold war rivalry between Berlin’s two zoos • The century-old quest to create motorized skates • How much is a smidgen? • The search for the giant Palouse earthworm • Computer art in the 50’s & 60’s
♫♬ It don’t mean a thing ♫
if it don’t have that swing• The Ecstasy of Gold — Ennio Morricone • The Ecstasy of Gold — Metallica • I Just Called to Say I Love You — Stevie Wonder • Just the Way You Are — Billy Joel • Surf Medley — Junior Brown
Eventually, everyone
leaves the building • Arman Soldin • Terrence Hardiman • Thomas Kong • Ronald Steel
5/15/2023 Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a
kindness, along with anything off the internet that’s made me smile or
snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
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