Visit to UPS Park

Being old, I need to pee every two hours, and more often if I'm well-hydrated. Always I drain the pipe before leaving home, but riding the bus is a jiggly experience, and makes any need to pee more urgent.

Please note, there are no public restrooms at any bus stop or Metro Transit station. There are at least ten public restrooms in Seattle, according to this article in The Urbanist, but I've never seen one.

Well, after a few gotta-pee gotta-pee two-bus commutes to and from that job I don't have any more, I've invented the pee-anyplace device. It's now always in the bag of essentials (aspirin, earplugs, etc) that I carry everywhere I go.

It's an empty jar with a wide mouth and a tight lid, that's all. Came free with the purchase of 400 vitamin pills, and now that the pills are gone, it holds the contents of my bladder as needed.

I tested it at home, and the jar is watertight, which seemed important. Most of my pants are sweatpants, made of stretchy material, so despite being a fairly large jar, it fits inside my pants. In use, it rests steadily on my britches' ass-seam, which means I only need to reach down long enough to insert myself into the mouth of the jar. After that, I can take both hands out and wave at passers-by or whatever.

First time I used it on the sidewalk, though, an unexpected problem: a lifetime of modesty isn't easily forgotten. I can not simply put the jar in my pants and pee into it, as people walk past on the sidewalk. That's too weird, so each of the three times I've used the jar, I've first needed to walk around for a bit, to find a somewhat secluded spot.

The first time, it was thanks to United Parcel Service (UPS). The company was founded here in Seattle, and moved far away long ago, but they left behind a small, private park, marking the location of their first office. UPS Park (a/k/a Waterfall Garden Park) is a mere block from my downtown bus stop.

Of course, the park and the waterfall are on the other side of a thick metal fence, keeping the public out of the park. My pee-anyplace jar made its debut with me standing there, holding on to the fence and looking into the park, like a tourist might, while peeing into the jar.

I'd figured on carrying the hot sloshing liquid with me, in the jar, in my bag, until finding a men's room, but that suddenly seemed ridiculous, so I poured it out there, through the fence.

The jar is a very obvious solution, of course, and I'm not nominating myself for a prize or anything. But If you're an old man who wears baggy pants, I recommend carrying a pee-anyplace jar, especially if you ride public transit. It makes it lots, lots easier to get around the city on the bus.

7/30/2023   

 itsdougholland.com
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