Crashing

by Paul Modic

I suppose I lead a pretty easy life if the most stressed out I get is when I'm lying in bed in the guest cabin in the backyard at my hosts' house wondering about the bathroom situation.

Peeing is no problem, I can go behind the bushes in the backyard but what to do when things get more serious and there's three people in the house? I have no backup plan, ie, no toilet paper or newspaper.

I wake up around six, listen to the radio for a while, and go back to sleep knowing the house will clear out around eight for half an hour when they are taking one of them downtown to the bus station. 

I wake up again just before eight, wait a few minutes, then make my move at 8:06. Just as I enter the main house through the back door the last household member is shutting the front door and going out to the parking lot with his backpack. (By afternoon he will be on a flight to Europe.)

I dash into the bathroom. The toilet reservoir is still filling up from the last user. Perfect timing. Everything goes well and I think shower? Really? I zoom back to the cabin, grab my towel and a change of clothes, and walk bare-footed back to the bathroom.

I start the water stream and soon it's warm. I strip and jump in. I take my usual quick shower, soapless this time because I will not use my hosts' soap—it just seems too personal and I don't really need it. I did bring a bar along this trip, but it's at the bottom of some box in my car.

I dry off, pull on my clean clothes, and race out the back door. I glance at my watch: it's 8:16. The whole bathroom adventure has taken ten minutes. (And I don't say "adventure" lightly. This will probably be the highlight of my whole trip. I hope I'm wrong but...) 

I relax. Brushing my teeth in the backyard with a wine bottle full of drinking water is no stress.

I pack up to leave. I glance around the room but don't look under the bed. That makes me think about a lover I once had who was a stewardess. She was trained to always look under the bed when leaving an hotel room. She was the best sex of my life. We almost always came together.

"You're amazing," I had said to her.

"It's you," she said.

9/16/2023   

 itsdougholland.com
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