Special Bulletin, and a few more movies

THE NEVERENDING
FILM FESTIVAL
#202  [archive]
10/26/2023

Special Bulletin (1983)
Streaming free

Terrorists claim to have a nuclear bomb, aboard a small tugboat in the harbors of Charleston, South Carolina. The threat might be plausible, because their leader is a highly-respected nuclear scientist gone rogue. The twist is that these events are presented as if it's actually happening, and being covered by TV news.

It's a made for TV movie, filmed on video, and it looks like news, not a movie. And it's really, really good on several levels.

First, most important and most obviously, it works as a sweaty drama.

Second, it works as a 'message movie', with enough talk of the horrors of nuclear weapons to get its point across, but not so much that it becomes tiresome or preachy or bogs down the story.

Third and unexpectedly, it works as a parody of teevee news, with somber anchors projecting polished gravitas and expertise even when they don't know squat, and reporters blathering their blather in the familiar language of 'reporting live!' and always looking good. There's even a rant from one of the terrorists against the shallowness of television news, broadcast live on television, while the anchor squirms.

Remarkably, the movie succeeds at all three tasks at the same time, which makes it simply a blast to contemplate many millions of deaths in a flash of light.

I don't think it's coincidence that the newscasters turn for expert insight to a scientist at Princeton, as did Orson Welles in his original radiocast of War of the Worlds. It's a tip o' the hat, and this is as good as that.

We've all had nightmares of nuclear war, and in younger years I expected to see it in my lifetime. It still wouldn't surprise me. Nothing's changed, and any of us could be dust in twenty minutes. That'll be true so long as we have nuclear weapons, and we'll never not have nuclear weapons, so there we are.

Verdict: BIG YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

Flashburn (2017)

A man asleep in a badly damaged yellow pickup truck is awakened by an unexplained shootout, and soon finds he's wearing an ankle bracelet that won't let him leave a parking garage. Say wha—?

Then an old-style landline phone rings, even though it's off the hook, and a woman's voice tells him he's Dr Wes Nolan, and that she knows he's lost his memory. Soon, the voice is talking to Wes without the phone, like she's in his head or sumfin.

"I am your ally, not your enemy."

This isn't the worst idea for a low-budget thriller, but it's poorly written, breaks its own rules soon as they're explained, and Wes never makes much effort to resist the voice's orders.

I came for schlock, so actual artistry doesn't matter, but the omnipresent voice in Wes's head bugs me. She makes no effort, and sounds like the android that says, "Your call is important to us, please hold..." only she always mispronounces the word 'important'. "Your call is imporded to us."

Verdict: NO.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Squirm (1976) 
Streaming free

Worms aren't inherently scary where I live. They're icky but harmless.

In the South, though, some minimal research confirms that they have scarier worms — bloodworms and bristle worms that have tiny fangs and will bite when provoked.

"There's a lot of spaghetti here. May take us ten, fifteen minutes to finish it. That's a bigger head start than you deserve."

In the tiny town of Fly Creek, Georgia, where everyone speaks with exaggerated Southern accents, 100,000 fanged worms being shipped to Willie's Bait Shop have disappeared. Turns out there's been a power outage that's sending a zillion volts straight into the ground, which really pisses off the fanged worms. And just like that, you've got a horror movie.

Early on, there's a pretty redhead in a shower, and the film snows neither boobies nor snatch. That's a good sign. Means the moviemakers are aiming higher than my groin.

Squirm has a great "bad Southern sheriff" who's not the typical bad Southern sheriff, and all the tensions build until exactly the halfway point, where the gruesomeness gets underway.

I'd been led to believe that this film had a subtle political point to go with all the worms, but if so it wriggled right past me. As schlock, though, it's a fairly flawless effort. You'll say Eeewww. 

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Stephen Fry in America (2008)
Streaming free

Noted Brit actor and author and man about town Stephen Fry says he's always been intrigued and bemused by America, so he's off to tour the Colonies, even as he insists on calling Maryland 'Mary Land'.

In Massachusetts, he briskly explains the American Revolution and the Boston Tea Party to his British audience.

In Minnesota, he goes ice fishing.

After visiting a New Jersey casino, Fry's assessment:

"And while I have nothing against gambling per se, the effect is truly devastating. Many have been ruined by their addiction, easily as toxic as any drug. In the end the house always wins. It's irrefutable arithmetic. As embodied in these trashy, tawdry palaces, I personally find the whole business vulgar, tasteless, and desperately sad. Maybe that's just me."

I wish the series had more bits of Fry's exasperation, but there's not much like that.

More ordinary is the show's visit to Louisiana's ghastly Angola prison, where Fry chats cordially with the warden. Nearly every sentence from the warden's mouth reveals him to be more of a bastard than his prisoners. Who's more evil — a man guilty of killing one person, or the warden who methodically does all he can legally do to make sure thousands of prisoners are miserable every day of the rest of their lives?

All Fry says is that Angola has "become a model of how a prison can work." Yikes. I'm a Fry fan so I hope he said that with supreme irony, but seeing all of America in six one-hour episodes, it can't help but be frequently superficial.

What's a state famous for? Fry goes there, shows us, and then he's on to the next state. It's enjoyable, yes, and it's colorful and pretty, Fry is often amusing, but an American won't learn much.

Here in my Washington, for example, the first stop is Seattle's Pike Place Market, then the famous Aquarium, then half a minute at a cabaret show, and then — north to Alaska.

Washington did better than Oregon, though, where the show drives north on the Interstate but doesn't stop.

Verdict: YES.

10/25/2023   

• • • Coming attractions • • •

The Time Traveler's Wife (2009)

You Can't Take It With You (1938)

... plus occasional schlock and surprises 

    • • • And then • • •

A Better Tomorrow (1996)

A Gnome Named Gnorm (1990)

A Night in Casablanca (1946) 

Alexander Nevsky (1938)

The Bat People (1974) 

The Beatles: Get Back (2021) 

Berkeley in the Sixties (1990)

Brainwaves (1983) 

The Card Counter (2021) 

Cellular (2004)  

The Celluloid Closet (1996)

The Dark Glow of the Mountains (1985)

Dark Star (1974)

The Day My Parents Became Cool (2009) 

The Decline of Western Civilization (1980) 

Downsizing (2017)

Frankenhooker (1990) 

The General (1926) 

Get Shorty (1995)

The Gorilla (1939)

The Green Girl (2014)

Hiroshima (1953)

Hugo (2011) 

The Importance of Being Earnest (1952)

The Internet's Own Boy (2014)

Kids in the Hall (debut episode; 1988)  

Kids in the Hall (reunion debut episode; 2022) 

The Killing of America (1981) 

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)  

Line of Duty (debut episode; 2012)

Love Happy (1950)

The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)

The Man Who Thought Life (1969)

The Man with Nine Lives (1940)

The Manhattan Project (1996) 

Morgan: A Suitable Case for Treatment (1966)

Not Wanted (1949)

Nothing But a Man (1964) 

Phone Booth (2002)

PickAxe (1999)

Poison (1990)

Popeye (1980)

Reflections of Evil (2002)

Revelations (1993)

Ride in the Whirlwind (1966)

Romper Stomper (1992)

Room Service (1938) 

Same Kind of Different as Me (2017) 

Saved! (2004)

Scared to Death (1947) 

Secret Weapons (1985) 

The Shooting (1966)

The Soloist (2009) 

Sons of the Desert (1933)

Street of Crocodiles (1986)

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)

Taken for a Ride (1996)

The Train (1964)

Truck Turner (1974)

Welcome to New Orleans (2006)

Who Farted? (2019) 

Who's That Girl? (1987) 

Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)

There are so many good movies out there — old movies, odd or artsy, foreign or forgotten movies, or do-it-yourself movies made just for the joy of making them — that if you only watch whatever's on Netflix or playing at the twenty-plex, you're missing out.

To get beyond the ordinary, I recommend:

Alter • Cineverse • Criterion • CultCinema Classics • DocsVille • Dust • Fandor • Films for Action • Hoopla • IHaveNoTV • IndieFlix • Internet Archive • Kanopy • KinoCult • Kino Lorber • Korean Classic Film • Christopher R Mihm • Mosfilm • Mubi • National Film Board of Canada • New Yorker Screening Room • Damon Packard • Mark Pirro • PizzaFlix • PopcornFlix • Public Domain Movies • RareFilmm • Scarecrow Video • Shudder • ThoughtMaybe • Timeless Classic Movies • VoleFlix • WatchDocumentaries • or your local library. 

Some people even access films through shady methods, though of course, that would be wrong.

— — —

 Illustration by Jeff Meyer. Reviews are spoiler-free, or at least spoiler-warned. Click any image to enlarge. Arguments & recommendations are welcome, but no talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff. 

 

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