The pros and cons

Again as most days, I remain horizontal in the recliner, sometimes searching the internet for employment, but only for a short while before frustration and boredom pull me back to watching old movies.

I'd like a job, need a job, and if anyone's ever willing to hire me I'll do the job pretty well. Always have.

What I'm less and less willing to do, though, is put any serious effort into looking for a job. That's the conundrum that keeps me unemployed.

A friend was feeling depressed, so I'll give myself the advice I gave her: The best way to beat the blahs is to give up, because once you've given up, you're hardly ever disappointed. So yeah, I've mostly given up.

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Night auditor at a hotel. Nope.

Driver for railroad workers. Nope.

Elections worker. Nope.

Data entry for the county courthouse. Nope.

Broom pusher. I ain't picky, but nope.

I file the applications and wait until the end of time. Once in a while there's a call and an interview, and then I wait until the end of time.

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Having no car, I skip over any car-required job listings. Obviously.

But having a car is part of American life, and this is America, so HR drones typing up listings sometimes forget to mention that a job requires a car. They assume every applicant comes encased in steel and glass and windshield wipers.

Three times now, I've gotten as far as the job interview before it's revealed that a car is required. The first two no-car rejections at least made sense, since the work actually did require a car. Would've been nice to know before getting my hopes up, but I didn't want to shoot anyone.

It's the third no-car rejection that has me seriously honked off.

I'd chatted with a security guard at the bus station, and his job seemed like it wouldn't be a challenge. He was old like me, said he'd had the job for five years, and never been worse than yelled at. No violence, no courage, so I'm fully qualified, right? And the bus goes right to the bus station, so getting to work would be a breeze.

But the rent-a-cop company simply doesn't hire bus riders. "Too many times," said the lady in the interview, "bus riders are late and say they missed the bus." So, no job there.

No job here, no job there, no job frickin' anywhere. No job east, no job west, no job naked, no job dressed. No job north, no job south, not enough teeth in my mouth. No job sweaty, no job cold, no job for me because I'm old.

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It's only a mental stroll down a dark alley, where the streetlight flickers and there's a rustling in the shadows. A bad daydream is all, and nothing will come of it, I'm sure, but ... I've been playing with the idea of homelessness. Just weighing the pros and cons.

The pros are: No more worries about the rent, no alarm clock, and finally a farewell to my insufferable flatmate Dean. The cons are, of course, everything else.


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