Good thinking, boss.

Momma mia, what a monstrous dump I just took. 4:00 in the morning and my bulging bowels woke me up, so I hurried down the hall to the toilet. All the stalls were disgusting, so I had to TP a wet seat before sitting down, and there I sat for far too long. It was one of those difficult, grunt and groan BMs that refused to exit the premises. It took half an hour and left me sweaty and wide awake at 4:30 in the morning, and I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I’m gonna yawn a lot at work today.

♦ ♦ ♦

I yawned a lot at work today.

♦ ♦ ♦

Darla, my new boss, stopped by my desk (the word is an exaggeration; I have a few feet of counter space, not a desk) and delivered a new project to me — paperwork six inches tall. She explained and I understand how to do what she’s asked me to do, but I don’t understand where the time is supposed to come from.

This new task will take maybe 45 minutes a day. I’ve also inherited the late Hector’s responsibility for distributing some daily reports. And we still haven’t talked about the new duties my group is taking over after last Friday’s layoffs, so whatever that work is, nobody is doing it.

And then Darla said she’s worried that we’re falling behind in our ordinary work, and I encouraged her to worry more. Yes, we are falling behind. We’ll soon be falling further behind. 1/3 of the people who do what we do were laid off, so of course we're falling behind.

Department Store 101: We're (always) running ads on TV and in newspapers about the next big sale, and the price reductions need to be input — by us — before the sale starts. See, customers tend to get annoyed if you lure them into the store to buy a cute blouse for 20% off, and it’s not 20% off.

If we're running behind on making the price changes, then that cute blouse will ring up at full price, and that could be a problem. (For management, not for me. I don't give a damn.)

Darla said, “We need to have the price changes input on schedule,” as if saying it will make it so.

“Will there be overtime?,” said me.

“No, that’s not in the budget,” said she.

“Well then, will there be a sale?”

I’ll give Darla some credit here, because she seemed to catch my cryptic meaning. Within moments, the new task she’d just given me was put on hold, along with the still-unexplained new duties for my group. For now, our only priority will be our ordinary work — inputting those price changes.

Good thinking, boss.

From Pathetic Life #3
Thursday, August 4, 1994

This is an entry retyped from an on-paper zine I wrote many years ago, called Pathetic Life. The opinions stated were my opinions then, but might not be my opinions now. Also, I said and did some disgusting things, so parental guidance is advised.



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