The toaster, the microwave, and the smoke alarm

May 18, 2022

You can walk around in a lovely little park a few blocks from my house, but you can't safely walk to the park. There's no sidewalk on that side of the street, and it's a busy street. There's no walkway into the park, either. You're supposed to drive to the park. If you're on foot, the only way to enter the park is to walk on the asphalt, where cars drive in, and then walk across the parking lot until you get to the grass.

It's car-brained community planning. The idiot who designed the park drives to work every day, drives everywhere, and it never occurred to that idiot, or to his idiot boss, or to any idiot in the whole process, that people might want to walk to the park.

Found but definitely not purchased at the hardware store: An LED Ice Scraper, with batteries included, for $6.99. Who the hell needs or wants an LED light inside an ice scraper?

As mentioned previously, the smoke alarm in our house is far too delicate, and goes off sometimes when people make toast. I've dialed the brownness down, and eat my toast a little less toasted than I'd prefer, because if the toast is browner the alarm goes off, it's loud like an auto wrecking yard, it takes 90 seconds to stop blaring, and it wakes not just my three flatmates but the four more flatmates who live downstairs. Also, it frightens the cat.

Dean, though, turns the toaster to a browner setting when he makes toast, which usually sets off the alarm. And here's the crazy part: He doesn't believe it.

He's right there when it happens, and Robert and I have told him that the toaster sets off the smoke alarm, but maybe Dean's hard of hearing or just hard of thinking — he insists that it's the microwave.

The toaster sits on top of the microwave, and in unenthusiastic defense of Dean, I'll say that he's not usually an imbecile, and the microwave's beeps are quite loud, and about the same pitch as the fire alarm. Seems fairly stupid, though, to suspect the microwave if the smoke alarm goes off while nobody's using the microwave.

And yet, every time the toaster sets off the smoke alarm, Dean responds by pushing random buttons on the microwave. "It must be a short in the wiring," he says. And this is a guy who spent 40 years working in restaurant kitchens?

I didn't come out, didn't want to have the same conversation with Dean again, so I didn't see this morning's episode, only heard it:

The smoke alarm went off, and between its blarings you could hear the beeps of Dean pushing buttons on the microwave. After about 90 seconds, the smoke alarm stopped, the button-pushing on the microwave stopped, and I heard Dean say to himself, "We gotta get this microwave fixed. I'm gonna call the landlord."

And now, the news you need, whether you know it or not…    

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Here's how Facebook killed news feed fixes over fear of conservative backlash 

♦ ♦ ♦ 

There are no "Holy Lands" 

♦ ♦ ♦  

Some top 100,000 websites collect everything you type—before you hit submit 

♦ ♦ ♦  

Engineering students create edible adhesive tape to keep your burrito wrapped tightly 

♦ ♦ ♦  

Oklahoma gov tells Native American tribes to think twice before setting up abortion clinics on tribal land, they’ll be super sorry 

♦ ♦ ♦  

Real Biden Wisconsin 2020 electors sue fake Trump electors 

♦ ♦ ♦  

Supreme Court greenlights corruption 

♦ ♦ ♦  

It's hard, I know, but please avoid having sex with monkeys 

♦ ♦ ♦  

Icelandic architect proposes building cities with molten lava 

♦ ♦ ♦ 

One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...

♦ ♦ ♦

The End
Donald Baechler
Edward J Bronson
Susan Jacks

Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
Tip 'o the hat to All Hat No Cattle, Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Extra special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always Stephanie...

No comments:

Post a Comment

The site's software sometimes swallows comments. For less frustration, send an email and I'll post it as a comment.