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| #148 Wednesday, May 18, 2022 |
You can walk around in a lovely little park a few blocks from my house, but you can't safely walk to the park. There's no sidewalk on that side of the street, and it's a busy street. There's no walkway into the park, either. You're supposed to drive to the park. If you're on foot, the only way to enter the park is to walk on the asphalt, where cars drive in, and then walk across the parking lot until you get to the grass.
It's car-brained community planning. The idiot who designed the park drives to work every day, drives everywhere, and it never occurred to that idiot, or to his idiot boss, or to any idiot in the whole process, that people might want to walk to the park.
Found but definitely not purchased at the hardware store: An LED Ice Scraper, with batteries included, for $6.99. Who the hell needs or wants an LED light inside an ice scraper?
As mentioned previously, the smoke alarm in our house is far too delicate, and goes off sometimes when people make toast. I've dialed the brownness down, and eat my toast a little less toasted than I'd prefer, because if the toast is browner the alarm goes off, it's loud like an auto wrecking yard, it takes 90 seconds to stop blaring, and it wakes not just my three flatmates but the four more flatmates who live downstairs. Also, it frightens the cat.
Dean, though, turns the toaster to a browner setting when he makes toast, which usually sets off the alarm. And here's the crazy part: He doesn't believe it.
He's right there when it happens, and Robert and I have told him that the toaster sets off the smoke alarm, but maybe Dean's hard of hearing or just hard of thinking — he insists that it's the microwave.
The toaster sits on top of the microwave, and in unenthusiastic defense of Dean, I'll say that he's not usually an imbecile, and the microwave's beeps are quite loud, and about the same pitch as the fire alarm. Seems fairly stupid, though, to suspect the microwave if the smoke alarm goes off while nobody's using the microwave.
And yet, every time the toaster sets off the smoke alarm, Dean responds by pushing random buttons on the microwave. "It must be a short in the wiring," he says. And this is a guy who spent 40 years working in restaurant kitchens?
I didn't come out, didn't want to have the same conversation with Dean again, so I didn't see this morning's episode, only heard it:
The smoke alarm went off, and between its blarings you could hear the beeps of Dean pushing buttons on the microwave. After about 90 seconds, the smoke alarm stopped, the button-pushing on the microwave stopped, and I heard Dean say to himself, "We gotta get this microwave fixed. I'm gonna call the landlord."
And now, the news you need, whether you know it or not…
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Here's how Facebook killed news feed fixes over fear of conservative backlash
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Some top 100,000 websites collect everything you type—before you hit submit
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Engineering students create edible adhesive tape to keep your burrito wrapped tightly
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Real Biden Wisconsin 2020 electors sue fake Trump electors
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Supreme Court greenlights corruption
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It's hard, I know, but please avoid having sex with monkeys
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Icelandic architect proposes building cities with molten lava
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One-word newscast, because it's the same news every time...
• climate • climate
• cops • cops • cops • cops • cops • cops • cops • cops
• Republicans
• Republicans
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The End
• Donald Baechler
• Edward J Bronson
• Susan Jacks
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