Quite a lot of food

This morning, I'm not going to breakfast at Mrs Rigby's, which feels strange. It'll be the first Saturday without a family breakfast. 

Katrina and Mom both have COVID, but are doing pretty good, they say. They have mild symptoms, like a cold, because they're vaccinated like all sane people. It's now a disease that kills mostly Republicans.

My quarantine ends on Wednesday, and I'll be headed to Mrs Rigby's the moment I wake up. Jeez, I miss that place. Miss Mom and Sis, too.

My third flatmate, the seldom-seen L, came home with many boxes and extra-large garbage bags full of food, and I helped him bring some of it into the kitchen. It's quite a lot of food. Too much food. He works at a grocery store, so I assume it's stolen.

Then I walked to the library, eight blocks away. It was my first time out of the house during my quarantine, but only technically against the rules. I was masked, my book was waiting on the 'reserved' shelf, and I used the self-serve check-out station, so I was in and out in two minutes. No human interaction, just the way I like it.

Back home, the kitchen was an impromptu household meeting, with everyone going through L's six jumbo garbage bags and numerous boxes of food. So much food. And so many flatmates — never seen all four of us in the same room before.

There were cans and bottles and jars and cake mix and complete frosted cakes and baked goods and frozen stuff and sacks of fruit, and some bags I didn't even look into. "Take anything you want," L said, "I can't possible eat all this before it starts going bad." A Olympic understatement.

L offered me three plastic-boxed packages with six large fancy muffins in each, and a baker's box with a dozen butterhorns. He probably assumed I'd want the sweet stuff since I'm the fattest man in the house, but I said no to all of it, and it wasn't even difficult.

See, I'm fat because if I start eating, I never stop. If I have one of those fine-looking muffins or butterhorns, I'll eat all of them all at once, but I'm OK long as I don't have even one. And I didn't. Have I mentioned that I've lost five pounds?



& links

Jan. 14, 2023

"I am the size of two grown men," I explained, "and it's my goal to be only the size of one and a half."

I did snatch three small packages of beef jerky (100 calories per bag, perfect as salad toppers) and a jumbo plastic tub of fancy pickles (so few calories, they count as zero). And I volunteered my mostly-un-used freezer space, which is now crammed with everyone else's meats and breads and two dozen of those muffins.

And guess who's going to be cooking several "household dinners" for all four of us over the next few weeks? Dean, of course. He's a professional cook, as he loves telling everyone always.

"Dinner for all four of us" is what L says, but we almost never see him, so it'll most likely be dinners for three. And where L got all this food, nobody asked.

News you need,
whether you know it or not

Intel quietly resumes Russia support, unblocks software downloads; Microsoft has also purportedly resumed windows 11 updates, too. 

Mysterious, unregistered fund raised big money for Santos 

Teacher and cousin of Black Lives Matter founder "Tased to death" by LAPD 

A sheriff in Louisiana has been destroying records of deputies' alleged misconduct for years 

Tenth Circuit reminds cops it's unconstitutional to pull people over to flirt with them 

"You couldn't make it up": Head of UAE oil company appointed chair of UN climate summit 

"We knew Exxon knew, but this is like Exxon knew 2.0" 

Scientists report a dramatic drop in the extent of Antarctic sea ice 

Scientists are finding increasing evidence for a link between air pollution and neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer's 

Israel's Ben-Gvir bans Palestinian flag-flying in public

Mystery links
Like life itself, there's no
knowing where you're going




Clicks ahoy

Among the homeless, service refusal is not a myth, but it is surrounded by them 

Right wing group pours millions in ‘dark money’ into US voter suppression bid 

Science links fast cars to small penises 

Lucy Harris made history as a black basketball star, but her college has 'reasons' it can't name the arena in her honor 

The science of why you have great ideas in the shower 

Secrets and lies are corrosive. If you know someone is adopted—tell them. 

How do I draw a pair of buttocks? 

The tragic amusing story of the Berberovs, a Soviet family who raised pet lions at home, 1970s

♫♬  Mix tape of my mind  ♫

Catch Your Dream — MouseRat 

Dervish D — Vangelis 

Everybody Wants to Rule the World — Tears for Fears 

I Feel the Earth Move — Carole King 

When I'm With You — Sparks 

Eventually, everyone
leaves the building

Black Stalin 

Robbie Knievel 

Lisa Marie Presley 

Owen Roizman 

Charles Simic 


Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited.
Tip 'o the hat to Linden Arden, ye olde AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Captain Hampockets, CaptCreate's Log, John the Basket, LiarTownUSA, Meme City, National Zero, Ran Prieur, Voenix Rising, and anyone else whose work I've stolen without saying thanks.
Special thanks to Becky Jo, Name Withheld, Dave S, Wynn Bruce, and always extra special thanks to my lovely late Stephanie, who gave me 21 years and proved that the world isn't always shitty.


  1. Good Morning...I just realized that I stole the title and the subject of an essay from you. How It Will End...so hey, thanks!...Eel P

    1. I shall expect royalty checks.

  2. Holy crap, your mom is literally like 95 or something, right? Hope she's OK.


    I used to snag whatever I could from wherever I worked. Not stealing, but liberating from the dumpster. We threw away so much fucking perfectly viable food that expired - pre-packaged sandwiches, burritos, cakes, all kinds of shit.

    1. Mom's tough. She says it's not as bad as the cold she had in spring.

      Wish the dude had snagged me some salads.


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