First, the fireworks


Boom, boom.

Boom, a whistling sound, and boom again.

Fuck the 4th of July, and doublefuck anyone who think it's fun to play with explosives well past my bedtime. It's scaring my cat, and it's scaring me, and it's big and loud and dumb so it's perfect for America, and for 46.8% of Americans.

Boom again.

The 4th is #1, the riskiest day for mass shootings in America, which also seems fitting.

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Boom and boom and boom again, and it's not just that the neighbors shoot off fireworks all night (all week, actually). A bigger annoyance, maybe even a danger, is that they shoot off fireworks a little too close to this house.

After every boom, wait half a second for a brief hailstorm of whatever debris is left from the explosion, as it peppers the outside walls of the house.

Same thing happened last year on the 4th, and again when they shot off fireworks for New Year's. The fireworks crew is mostly comprised of the idiots who live downstairs, and a few drunken neighbors from nearby houses, and amidst the shrapnel of New Year's Eve, I went downstairs to 'talk' to them about fire safety.

Instead of me yelling, though, they offered me a piece of New Year's pie, and I ate it and smile, and never said they were shooting off too many fireworks too close to the house, because I'd noticed a fire extinguisher at the ready, on the bumper of someone's pickup truck.

By 2023 standards, that makes 'em responsible adults.

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Boom again, and as the fireworks continued, a path of queries I couldn't possibly repeat led via Google to "Boom De Yada." Maybe you remember it, from kindergarten or earlier? It's a stupid but arguably cute kiddie song.

Well, same as everything gets reduced to crap, "Boom De Yada" has become the anthem of the Discovery Channel. Discovery's branded version of the song is intended to be amusing, but it's so slick and calculated and full of itself it's not even any fun. Exactly like the Discovery Channel, no doubt.

The song is so awful, I've embedded it here so you can share the misery:

You can almost hear the director telling the voice actors in "space" at the start, "No, sing it even worse!"

And may I draw your attention to an especially rancid "feel-good moment" at 1:15 on the video? The pilot of an American fighter-jet sings, "I love the whole world," and if that's not offensive enough, the next shot shows a guy with a camel in a fake desert, and he sings, "So many things to see," but we don't get to see the missile falling and killing him.

That's what the 4th of July is all about, really.

And then came the soup.



  1. You are too grumpy, Doug. That's a kids vid, a good one, makes me smile everytime.

    The pilot, they're trying to reach every demographic, it's BROADcasting, and some people love our military. The arab man too, is another demographic they're reaching out to.

    You think it means something that the pilot and arab are right after the other. It's a concidence, not a message.

    Sometimes I think you're grumpy on purpose. Good morning, what can I be grumpy about today?

    But it's fun.

    1. > ... they're trying to reach every demographic...

      Exactly. I'm in the demographic that's repulsed by anything that's trying to reach every demographic.

      > It's a coincidence, not a message.

      In big-time advertising, there are no coincidences. There were a week's worth of meetings to pound out everything about that ad.


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