homeaboutarchivescommentscontacteverything

Fury, Future '38, and a few more films

Furries: An Inside Look (2010)
Streaming free at Vimeo

Unsurprisingly, Republicans and other people who are afraid of EVERYTHING are afraid of furries — folks who dress up as animals. This is a quick documentary, wherein filmmaker Curt Pehrson tries to calm such irrational worries by chatting with several furries, all dressed in normal clothes, explaining what they do and why.

Spoiler: Being a furry is harmless fun, and that's why they do it.

NEVERENDING
FILM FESTIVAL
#282  [archive]
APR. 26, 2024

One of the interviewees laughs at right-wing media's fevered coverage of furries as if it's all an animalistic orgy. "Have you ever worn a fur suit? It's like wearing your sofa. Some people can barely walk in them, and they get to be 110° in the course of about 90 seconds. If you want to try strenuous activity in that, you go right ahead. I'll be here, ready to dial 9-1-1."

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Fury (1936)
Check streaming availability

Fritz Lang made several marvelous, masterpiece movies. A lot of people think this is one of them, but it's not.

Joe (Spencer Tracy) is in love with Katherine (Sylvia Sidney), and also loves salted peanuts. Katherine doesn't care for peanuts, but her love is so deep she announces: "I love you, you love peanuts, so I love peanuts, too." The peanuts are a crucial plot point, so pay attention.

The mood switches from romance to mob violence when Joe is arrested and charged with kidnapping. He's innocent, but jailed awaiting trial, and the townsfolk aren't a'waitin' — they storm the jail and burn it down. 

Joe makes it out alive, and here's where the story goes salted nuts: He keeps his survival a secret, and Joe's two brothers are in on the ruse, telling no-one that Joe is still alive — as 22 townsfolk are prosecuted for his murder. But pretending to be dead doesn't stop Joe from eating and drinking at a crowded bar across the street.

During the trial of the mob, Joe listens on the radio, maniacally smiling, and Director Lang makes his point via the prosecuting attorney:

"Your honor, in the last 49 years mobs have lynched 6,010 human beings by hanging, burning, cutting in this proud land of ours — a lynching about every three days."

That's frightening, and I'm glad there are less lynchings these days than in the 1930s. This movie may have helped with that. Respect, sincerely.

Here in 2024, though, I balked too many times at the unlikeliness of it all — that an entire town would band together in violence, trying to prevent a trial. That the sheriff would be the only person who believes in law and order. That a crowd would cheer and taunt a man, throw rocks at the bars of his cell, while the jail burns. That the state would seek the death penalty against everyone who'd been involved. Joe's Jekyll/Hyde flip to near-drooling insanity after the fire. Katherine's German expressionist response to all of this. And yeah, the recurring salted peanuts as evidence, and further wackiness too wacky to detail. It's a live-action Chick tract.

Verdict: MAYBE.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Fuses (1967)
Streaming free at Vimeo

Filmmaker Carolee Schneemann films herself having sex with her lover, but it's avant-garde, the opposite of a porno — you've rarely seen sex rendered so unsexy.

Images of books and a housecat and a run on the beach are juxtaposed against the brief, shadowy images of pubic hair, genitalia, and undulating flesh. There's no sound, and the film looks like it was unspooled and run through a washer, dryer, and maybe a dishwasher before being screened, leaving everything blotched and scratched.

I'm not sure what message or meaning is intended, but it's cool.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Future Force (1989)
Streaming free at Tubi

An opening voiceover explains, with a British accent, that crime was out of control in America by 1991, so all police departments were privatized. Within two years crime was under control. "The price, however, was a heavy one, for justice as we once knew it had ceased to exist."

David Carradine works for COPS, which, in this movie, is somehow the acronym for 'Civilian Operated Police Incorporated'. To keep the movie's wardrobe costs down, he wears a t-shirt and denim jacket as he kills people he's judged guilty of crimes. If anyone fights back, Carradine beats them or kills them, then walks away unbruised and unbloodied. He's RoboCop without the robo.

The movie is surprisingly slow, and unsurprisingly simpleminded. There was, apparently, no shitty role in any shitty movie that David Carradine wouldn't accept. 

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Future Kick (1991)
Streaming free at Tubi

Don 'The Dragon' Wilson, a kick-boxer of some renown, stars as 'Walker'. He's some kind of corporate bounty hunter rounding up bad guys, but the movie quickly surpassed my limit for gruesome killings. I clicked it off after the decapitation, while the headless body was writhing on the floor.

Despite being about halfway through the movie, there'd been only one fight involving Don 'The Dragon' Wilson, and it was staged in such darkness that you couldn't really see the kicks.

Sadly, Meg Foster and Chris Penn co-star. 

Verdict: BIG NO.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Future Shock (1972)
Streaming free at Vimeo

In the early 1970s, Alvin Toffler's book Future Shock was all over the talk shows, but I never read it and couldn't have told you an hour ago whether it's fiction or non-fiction. Non-fiction, apparently.

This mini-movie (43 minutes) is based on the book, and seems to be an early critique of everything about modern culture — corporate capitalism, the "factory-like school system," marriage, group marriage, gay marriage, pornographic films, women's rights, riots, genetic engineering, cryonics, space exploration...

"Is technology always desirable? Changes bombard our nervous systems, clamoring for decisions. New values, new technologies flood into our lives. The pressure of fast change forces us to question all we've been taught. Sometimes technology can destroy, [like] an underground nuclear explosion. Amchitka. When will the next nuclear blast occur, and what will it do to us? Escape from change in today's society becomes more and more impossible. Change is necessary, but change itself is out of control. That is the challenge posed by future shock — to look deeply and clearly into today's world, to understand the consequences, that what we do today determines what tomorrow will be."

That's Orson Welles, who non-stop narrates in very dramatic tones, usually with a long pause before repeatedly repeating the phrase "future shock." Much as I love Welles, his on-screen narration is so worried and paranoid it's accidentally comical, and so's the horrific music that sometimes screeches at the audience.

Not that it matters much. Covering 110 topics in three-quarters of an hour ensures shallowness. I kinda suspect Toffler and Welles were right, that we're whirling too fast into the future — look where we are in 2024 — but the movie is an intellectual wading pool.

Verdict: MAYBE.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Future '38 (2017)
Streaming free at Tubi

The concept here, explained as if it's factual by Neil deGrasse Tyson, is that this is a sci-fi movie made in 1938.

Actually, it's a recent collection of bad puns and double entendres that never goes half a minute without another joke that's barely a joke. It's a comedy sketch that won't stop.

Most of the jokes fall flat, but that's on purpose, and between the groaners it somehow tells the coherent story of a time traveler from '38 sent eighty years into the future to save the world.

I rather enjoyed Future '38. It helps that leading lady Betty Gilpin (GLOW) is easy to look at, and also that she and leading man Nick Westrate (American Insurrection) are so determined at delivering this cleverly cracked material.

Writer-director Jamie Greenberg (Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?) has an endless supply of puns, and it's all stupid, but without being too stupid or assuming you're stupid. It's colorful, amusing, frantic, and never lags.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

The Futurists (1967)
Streaming free at Internet Archive

Narrated by Walter Cronkite, this is a disappointing documentary that looks into the future, where we're living now. Isaac Asimov and Buckminster Fuller are among far too many panelists, all of them white men, most with gray hair.

Do the math: eleven esteemed experts, in a TV special that's only half an hour long, minus commercials, works out to about two minutes per expert — a few sentences, or a compact paragraph.

Lord Ritchie Calder of Edinburgh University says, "Freedom begins with breakfast. You can have all the freedom in the world, but if you're not fed, not taken care of, if society is not taking care of your needs, then you're not free." Which is wise, but gets lost in the mist as we immediately cut to the next talking head.

Verdict: MAYBE.

4/26/2024   

• • • Coming attractions • • •     

Galaxina (1980)
Galaxy of Terror
(1981)
Galileo
(1974)
Gambit
(1996)
A Game of Death
(1945)
Game of Death
(1978)

... plus schlock, shorts, and surprises

— — —
Now accepting recommendations for movies,
especially
starting with the letter 'G'.
Just add a comment, below.
— — —

Illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Arguments & recommendations are welcome, but no talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff. 
 
← PREVIOUS          NEXT →

Free cannoli and cheesecake

We were eating at Stephanie's favorite Italian restaurant — window table, best seat in the house. Steph was seated facing outside, so other than my face, her view must've been picture-perfect.

My view was terrific, too — the sunshine was hitting Steph's face, and she was beautiful. I loved looking in her eyes and loved seeing her smile, loved seeing her love. 

The pasta was dreamy, which was appropriate, this being a dream and all. We reminisced about places we'd been, and how lucky we'd been to find the perfect apartment here in Madison, and of course, how lucky we'd been to have found each other. 

We could always talk about happy memories together, because we had so many, so it must've been a long conversation, and a long dream. We had a long marriage, too, just not long enough. 

The waiter came to ask if our meals were satisfactory, and he was Bill Murray. Yeah, the movie star, who's also famous for his chipper and quirky off-screen interactions with strangers. He was wearing the restaurant's silly red silk uniform, and Steph said, "Are you Bill Murray?" but it was obvious that he was, and he said, "Do you need to see ID?" 

Of course, he was witty and sarcastic, and instantly we were all old friends. Bill sat down at our table and suddenly he had a plate of pasta, and all three of us were chatting comfortably. 

When we'd almost finished the last few bites of our pasta, he stood up and resumed his role as the waiter, asked if we'd like dessert. He smiled and added, "I'm buying."

Steph ordered cannoli and I had cheesecake, and we never saw Bill again. The waiter became a waitress who simply dropped off our desserts and the tab, then said thanks and walked away.

Bill had said he'd pay, but he stiffed us. Dinner and dessert was on my debit card.

Stephanie had been sparkly all through dinner. That was her default mode, but in the dream she seemed especially sparkly even for Steph. She was in her wheelchair so this was latter-Steph, but she was healthy, happy, and with me — everything I ever wanted. 

We paid and tipped and walked home, and it was a long walk and it was cold, but we were happy and talking and laughing and we said, "I love you" to each other, like we always did. 

She asked me to tell her parents that she loves them, too, and I guess that's when I knew it was a dream, because if this was real she'd call them herself. She mentioned that she was cold, and she shivered, and I was about to offer my jacket when instead I woke up.

The dream is over, again, and I'm without her, here in the woke-up world. Alone.

Before Steph saved my life, I had very few friends, and spent almost all my time alone. That's what life looks like now, again, and it sucks. But I can make it alone, so long as I remember her every day — and boy, do I. 

Now I should call the in-laws and relay Steph's message that she loved them, but I'm not good at talking to anyone on the phone. Fom talking to me on the phone, they know that, so I sent them an email instead:

"Had dinner with Steph in a dream, and she asked me to tell you that she loves you."

11/16/2020   
Republished 4/24/2024   

News and annoyances

CRANKY
OLD FART'S

BROWSER
HISTORY

#418  [archive]
APR. 25, 2024

New Orleans judge In priestly rape case demands paper trail from Catholic archbishop all the way to the Vatican
    I'm not keeping close track, so check me if I'm wrong, but — of the thousands and thousands of cases of priests diddling kiddies, I think they've all gone to civil court for lawsuits and settlements. This is the first I can recall that's a criminal investigation, and it's about frickin' time. 

West Virginia confirms first measles case since 2009
    How long until Republicans begin holding measles parties for children?  

Biden signs TikTok 'ban' bill into law, starting the clock for ByteDance to divest it
    Say it ain't so, Joe. Forcing TikTok to sell itself is unConstitutional, stupid, and accomplishes nothing, except it'll reliably anger young voters who — seeing this was a bipartisan effort — will be less likely to vote in November.

"In the US they think we’re communists!"

The 70,000 workers showing the world another way to earn a living

'Unapologetically loud': How student journalists fought a Kansas district over spyware and won  

Meet the man who made Google search suck 

Officials failed to act when COVID hit prisons. A new study shows the deadly cost.  

No prison time for developer who bribed San Francisco officials for 18 years 

Boston police failed to arrest 'serial rapist' for years despite DNA evidence
    Excerpt: ...Over the next two years, a WBUR investigation found, three more women shared similar stories with police about a man who assaulted them after offering them rides at Boston bars. In each case, DNA and other evidence pointed to Alvin Campbell, according to an application for a search warrant obtained by WBUR. And each time, authorities decided not to detain him or seek criminal charges.
    Boston police finally arrested Campbell in early 2020 after a fifth woman reported she was raped. At that point, investigators made a horrifying discovery. They found evidence on his phone indicating he had sexually assaulted at least 10 additional women since the first incident in 2016...
    Me again: The article makes no attempt to explain why cops waited years to make an arrest, except to say that authorities won't say why. So I'll take a guess that's technically unsubstantiated, but fits the facts of this and a million other cases:
    Cops know who the perp is, but simply don't give a damn. And/or the victim is hot, so cops sympathize with the rapist.
    Cripes, I hate the police, and find renewed reasons to hate them every time I read the news. 

Voyager 1 is back online 

Republicans are suing for the right to harass election workers  

History: The Ludlow massacre 

History: The River of Blood (monument) 

It's just a jump to the LEFT — Tenacious D and friends 

Map of blogs 

 ♫♬  MUSIC  ♫ 

Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other — Ned Sublette 

Fuck the Police — N W A. 

Kill for Peace — The Fugs 

The Question — The Moody Blues 

War Pigs — Puddles Pity Party 

⚰️  OBITUARIES  ⚰️

John Brewer
journalist, Peninsula Daily News 

Terry Carter
actor, McCloud

Ray Garton
novelist, Trailer Park Noir

Mike Pinder
rock'n'roller, The Moody Blues 

Chan Romero
rock'n'roller, "Hippy Hippy Shake" 

Jeffrey Veregge
artist who "got into trouble"

Rev. Cecil Williams
follower of Jesus

4/25/2024   

Cranky Old Fart is annoyed and complains and very occasionally offers a kindness, along with anything off the internet that's made me smile or snarl. All opinions fresh from my ass. Top illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Comments & conversations invited. 

Tip 'o the hat to the AVA, BoingBoing, Breakfast at Ralf's, Chuff, Dirty Blonde Mind, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, Lemmy.world, Looking for My Perfect Sandwich, Miss Miriam's Mirror, Voenix Rising, and anywhere else I've stolen links, illustrations, or inspiration.

Special thanks to Linden Arden, Becky Jo, Wynn Bruce, Joey Jo Jo emeritus, Jeff Meyer, John the Basket, Dave S, Name Withheld, and always extra special thanks to my lovely late Stephanie, who gave me 21 years and proved that the world isn't always shitty.

Cranky Old Fart
← PREVIOUS          NEXT →

itsdougholland.com
← PREVIOUS           NEXT →

The Funeral, Funny Girl,
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, and a few more films

Full Fathom Five (1952)
Streaming free at Internet Archive

NEVERENDING
FILM FESTIVAL
#281  [archive]
APR. 24, 2024

Rub-a-dub-dub, it's men in a tub. This is all about US military submarines, and was produced by NBC for the US Navy, as an episode of the TV war-propaganda show Victory at Sea.

I'm confused, though. The narrator says the most important target of a sub's missiles is the Japanese merchant marine, but it's 1952. America A-bombed Japan in 1945, the Japanese surrendered, the war is over, so why were American subs targeting Japanese ships seven years later?

(Ah, my confusion is because the narrator uses only present tense, even when gloating over 1,300 Japanese merchant ships sunk during WWII, and a long list of other victories at sea.)

The film is interesting, educational, but of course never even slightly questions the why of any of such warfare.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

The Funeral (1996)
Streaming free at YouTube

Ray (Christopher Walken), Chez (Chris Penn), and Johnny (Vincent Gallo) are three Mafia brothers, and Johnny is the youngest but he'll get no older. He's dead, encased in pine, and we're invited to his funeral. When the funeral's over, comes the revenge. 

Benicio Del Toro plays the bad guy, and I've always found him grating. Gallo too. And I abhor funerals, rarely have interest in mobster movies, and sometimes this one's hard to watch. Written by Nicholas St. John (Ms 45) and directed by Abel Ferrara (also Ms 45), you know everything's going to be hopeless, bleak, violent, and sometimes sick in the head. It's like life in America.

"I would say life is pretty pointless, wouldn't you, without the movies?"

There are moments in The Funeral that, with anyone but Ferrara, might signal it's time to turn it off, but for those who stick with it, this is very good. Very.

It's probably wise, though, not to watch in the middle of the night, because if you turn it down so the screams won't wake the neighbors, you might miss some of the soft-spoken psychopath dialogue.

"You wanna get deep on this shit? All them Catholics gone insane. Everything we do depends on free choice, but at the same time they say we need the grace of God to do what's right? I don't follow that. If I do something wrong, it's because God didn't give me the grace to do what's right. If this world stinks, it's his fault. I'm only working with what I've been given."

With Gretchen Mol, Isabella Rossellini, Annabella Sciorra, John Ventimiglia, and rumors of Edie Falco.

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Funeral Home (1980)
a/k/a Cries in the Night
Streaming free at Internet Archive

Standard-issue low-budget horror. Let's convert a shuttered funeral home into a bed & breakfast. Stay out of the basement, and don't forget to tease the dim-witted handyman. 

Barry Morse from The Fugitive co-stars, and he's good, but the rest of the movie just sits there like a corpse.

Verdict: NO.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Funny Face (1957)
Streaming free at Daily Motion

Fred Astaire plays a fashion photographer working for Kay Thompson, a haute couture magazine publisher. They're both detestable, always demanding, never listening, and they're both in their 50s or 60s, so the movie could've been a romance between them, but instead Astaire is preying on Audrey Hepburn, who's half his age.

Even in Schrodinger's Universe, Audrey Hepburn never had a "Funny Face," but the movie tells us a dozen times that she's all wrong for modeling, and it'll be a big challenge for Astaire to somehow mold her into being a runway model. In reality, Ms Hepburn was a runway model before becoming an actress, and the only thing funny about her face is the two-inch eyelash extenders the movie makes her wear. 

Astaire always had a natural charm on camera, so it must've been difficult making him as abrasive as he is here. When he gets jealous of another, younger man, Hepburn replies that it's an intellectual relationship, and Astaire says, "He's about as interested in your intellect as I am."

Hepburn is Hepburn, so she's delightful, playing a bookseller with beat and hep-cat tendencies. Astaire wants her to fly to Paris to model, and she accepts the invitation, hoping to sneak away and meet a goatee-faced philosopher.

The character Hepburn's playing deserves a better movie, without the intrusions of Astaire. And I'm a fan of Fred Astaire — but not Funny Face.

It's directed by Stanley Donen, who gives it his familiar colorful but overly-controlled look, and lets the dancing wander into overwrought ballet that worked better for Gene Kelley. Even the music by the great Ira Gershwin never got my toes tapping.

Verdict: MAYBE.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Funny Girl (1968)
Streaming free at Internet Archive

Gotta love a good musical, and this is a good musical. Barbra Streisand stars in a biopic about early 20th century singer Fanny Brice.

Probably you and definitely I don't know jack crap about Fanny Brice, but who cares? To me it's a biopic about Barbra Streisand.

She's looking for her big break in a stage show, simultaneously self-confident and insecure, and she's hilarious about it, and she's also Barbra Streisand, so buckle in while she belts out the soundtrack.

Early in the story, she's almost fired by a producer, because she doesn't have 'the right look' — the button nose, or whatever defines beauty in a woman. Streisand does have a funnier face than Audrey Hepburn (see above), but beauty is an odd concept. It's about looks, but it's more about presentation, and when Brice/Streisand is on stage at full wattage, you bet your sweet bippy she's beautiful.

Everything else about the movie is OK, and oh look there's Omar Sharif, but Streisand *is* the movie and she's great. It's her first film, direct from starring in the play of Funny Girl on Broadway, and it secured her fame and won her a well-deserved Oscar. 

What we've got here is comedy that's comedic, romance that's romantic, plus tragedy that's tragic and weighs down the last act, but music that's magic: "Don't Rain on My Parade," "I'd Rather Be Blue Over You," "People Who Need People," "Second Hand Rose," even a funny "Swan Lake."

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

Funny Lady (1974)
Streaming free at Internet Archive

This is the sucky sequel to Funny Girl. Omar Sharif is mostly gone, and instead it's James Caan as a songwriter and nascent producer, trying to stage shows with and without Fanny Brice.

Funny Girl's sense of humor is gone, too, replaced with stale dramatics and lesser songs that are still given all the effort Streisand can muster. 

Funny Girl was a Broadway play before it was a movie, which gave the producers years and endless opportunities to smooth the rough edges and make it a masterpiece. Funny Lady was written directly for the screen, and for the money. No out-of-town tryouts here; it's an immediate flop.

Roddy McDowell pops in, making a comically bewildered face every time he's on screen. He's the movie's most reliable laugh, but I'm not sure he's even supposed to be funny.

Verdict: NO.

♦ ♦ ♦ 

A Funny Thing Happened
    on the Way to the Forum
(1966)
Streaming free at Internet Archive

During the Roman Empire, a slave wants to buy his freedom. The slave is Zero Mostel, so it's a comedy tonight, big and loud and funny. These are quite possibly the funniest slaves I've ever seen.

The gist of the story is that Zero's owner's son (holy crap it's Phantom of the Opera Michael Crawford, fresh from adolescence) is in love with a prostitute, and Zero is promised freedom if he can help him win her heart.

From this comes a flurry of misunderstandings, sly outsmartings, gropings, oglings, crossdressing, a chariot race, and everything else you'd expect from an over-the-top lowbrow comedy of the era. It happens too quick and crazy to keep the plot in your head, and it's trying too hard to be constantly funny, but … it is constantly funny, in the old-fashioned, exaggerated and farcical way.

Phil Silvers, Buster Keaton, Jack Gilford (the Cracker Jack man), and Roy Kinnear co-star. 

There are also several songs by Stephen Sondheim, and the showstopper is what starts the show, "A Comedy Tonight."

Directed by Richard Lester (A Hard Day's Night). Written by Melvin Frank (White Christmas) and Michael Pertwee (brother of Doctor Who's Jon Pertwee). Cinematography by Nicolas Roeg (and if you know anything about good movies, he needs no titles  in parentheses). 

Verdict: YES.

♦ ♦ ♦

The Furious Flycycle (1980)
Streaming free at YouTube

Searching the web for good shorts, far too often what's recommended are shorts for kids. Being not a kid, I hated this animated schmaltz from the moment it started.

"My name is Melvin Spitznaggle," says a boy's voice about seven or eight, and he prattles on and on. He wants to be an inventor, and I want to refine my searches better because, you know, I'm not 7 or 8 or even 7 x 8. 

The cartoon is OK for Saturday morning TV, but the kid's voice gets more and more aggravating. "Sound cute," the director must've told him. "No, cuter!" Ugh.

Verdict: MAYBE.

4/24/2024   

• • • Coming attractions • • •     

Fury (1936)
Future Force
(1989)
Future Kick
(1991)
Future Shock
(1972)
Future '38
(2017)

... plus schlock, shorts, and surprises

— — —
Now accepting recommendations for movies,
especially
starting with the letter 'G'.
Just add a comment, below.
— — —

Illustration by Jeff Meyer. Click any image to enlarge. Arguments & recommendations are welcome, but no talking once the lights dim, and only real butter on the popcorn, not that fake yellow stuff. 
 
← PREVIOUS          NEXT →

Sex

by Paul Modic


What matters more in life than sex or death
how much will you get before your last breath

Yes the orgasm is the height of sensation
then you feel how life's a vacation

Do these words feel like coming all over you
such is the reaction of the fake-outraged prude

The squares might say man don't be gross
we'll just have to save this for your roast

It's actually pretty easy to go around shameless
takes mental masturbation to pretend I'm blameless

I'm not crazy it's the world that's messed up
though everyone insists I need a cat or a pup

So what's going to happen, will there be a happy ending
or will a black hole swallow these words I'm sending

Everyone plays with herself but just don't admit it
they'll call you a perv and tell you to quit it

Life's most gratifying pleasures are considered taboo
when the easiest joy is to simply screw you

If you just tell the truth then it's never offensive
well that's my opinion does it make you defensive

Talking about sex means you're probably not getting it
but waiting somewhere for you is a shiny wet slit

Why are people outraged when you tell them the truth
their silly defensiveness shows what they're worth